Andy
Dufresne (Tim Robbins): There are places in this world that
aren't made
out of stone.
That
there's
something inside... that
they can't get to, that they can't touch. That's yours.
Red
(Morgan Freeman): What're
you talking about?
Andy
Dufresne: Hope.
~
from Frank Darabont's
film adaptation of Stephen King's The
Shawshank Redemption
Hi
all,
So I
didn't have to serve jury
duty. Yay! So I'm glad to be
sending this... even if I don't have a whole terrible lot to
send. And what's here is probly... well, interesting might
be a
polite descriptor. ;-)
I
hope ya enjoy what there is!
God
bless,
Jenni
So
to recap for any new
members... way back before TBAA's fifth season
or so a TV spoilers magazine reported that there would
be an
episode in
which Andrew was falsely accused of murder and put on
trial.
Woulda been a great episode for John Dye to act, right?
Awesome
character development for Andrew, right? Too bad it never
came to
pass. We never knew if it had been a planned episode that
just
never worked out or if a magazine writer just completely made it
up. In any case, it inspired a "holiday" here at JABB:
Commemoration of the Murder Trial that Wasn't (then Was).
I so
wanted this murder trial
to happen that in JABB
163
I wrote a
story about it. Now I kinda wish I hadn't cause I can't go
and
repeat a plot (unless it's from It's
a
Wonderful
Life or A Christmas Carol
in
which case I obviously believe I can repeat those several times
in JABB's history) but I find myself wondering: what would that
situation be like if Andrew faced it with the Dyelanders and Co.
now? Below are some guesses...
Top
Ten
Things that Would Happen (or Not) if Andrew were Put on Trial
Now
10.
Andrew's trial would
inspire ratings desperate NBC to begin a new Law and Order
franchise: Law and Order:
Mythical
and Religious Beings Unit.
Join them next season as Bigfoot sues a Nigerian prince's butler
for
internet fraud and Joseph sues Reuben and Co. for character
defamation
and reckless abandonment.
9. I'll just be blunt:
Lady JenniAnn would have to be sedated.
8. Lady Beth
would try
to smuggle her homecooked meals and treats into inmate Andrew
because
she'd be concerned that her victuals just wouldn't rate as
highly after
he was
introduced to the deliciousness of the prison's tuna surprise
and
slop. Not.
7. Monica would
bring
Andrew orange juice and ginger ale and tell him how much it
meant to
her when he brought her coffee when she was in jail.
Massive
waterworks from the Dyelanders would ensue.
6. Yva would make
Andrew
an entire collection of teddy bears dressed to look like his
friends in
Dyeland and the Sibling Cities. So at least he wouldn't be
alone
in
the chilly, dank, aesthetically blah jail cell. Sob!
5. Rose would
ever so
sadly give up her "How old is Andrew?" game and replace it with
"How
long is Andrew going to be in prison? Someone tell me now
or I'll
start screaming!" game.
4. Inspired by The
Shawshank
Redemption,
Vincent's building team would go to work
digging a tunnel into Andrew's cell to free him. No one
would
notice it behind a poster of the Eiffel Tower. Morgan
Freeman's
stirring narration would inform us of all Andy did during his
time in
jail. Mr. Freeman would then be sternly warned that his
name is
Andrew. NOT Andy.
3. Willy would go to
work trying to find a way to bake a lock
pick into chocolate in just such a way that it wouldn't be
picked up by
security when brought to Andrew during a jail time visit.
Then
the visitor would just need to give Andrew the chocolate, wait
for him
to pick the lock, shove an Andrew-shaped dummy into the jail
cell, put
the real Andrew in their bag, and then smuggle him out...
Okay,
so obviously that plot needs some work cause we're pretty sure a
man-shaped bag would get some attention.
2.
Adam would, as
always, be the tent pole and keep everyone from falling apart in
the
wake of such a devastating event. He'd also start up a
benefit
concert to support Andrew's legal fund. The two free AOD
Band members, Nigel, Mick, Sheryl Crowe, Sting, half of
Coldplay, Rick
Astley, the
cast of Spamalot, and
Raffi would go platinum with
their stirring anthem "Free Andrew Now."
1. Andrew would still be and look lovely but emotionally
shaken. Hearts would break, he'd cry, we'd cry, Kleenex
stock
would go up, and the Dyelanders wouldn't rest until he was
safely
home. Sigh...
And
now... the lyrics to the
star-studded anthem "Free Andrew Now"!!!
Imagine
a
world with a creep on a computer,
a world
missing one super-cute
Hebrew tutor.
Such a
dismal, lonely place,
Missing
that one utterly lovely
face.
Free
Andrew now,
Let him
just be.
Free
Andrew now,
Give us
our AOD.
Oh,
Warden, you don't know who
you have in there.
We're
worried about what prison
life will do to his hair.
He
should be out playing
football and driving his mini-van.
Oh, how
can you not see that you
have the wrong man?
::Insert
interlude of Gloria
annoyingly giving the listening audience a
history the United States penal code::
Free
Andrew now,
We need
our poor love.
Free
Andrew now,
He
comes from Above.
Andrew
brings peace and our
Andrew brings hope.
But now
he's locked up and all
we can do is mope.
That
chick is totally sobbing
into a flannel shirt.
Open
that cell before someone
gets really hurt.
::Insert
interlude of Tess
railing at the prosecuting attorney and
investigators before
breaking
down and crying and
taking everyone with her.::
Free
Andrew now,
Free
Andrew now,
Free
Andrew now.
Let him
come home.
Free
Andrew now,
Free
Andrew now,
Free
Andrew now.
Let him
come Hooooooommmmme.
JABB
TOC
JABB
275
(Photo
Credits: The photographs
used on this page are from "Touched by an Angel" and
owned by CBS
Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water
Productions.
They are not being used to seek profit.)