Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins): There are places in this world that aren't made out of stone.
That there's something inside... that they can't get to, that they can't touch. That's yours.
Red (Morgan Freeman): What're you talking about?
Andy Dufresne: Hope.
~ from Frank Darabont's film adaptation of Stephen King's The Shawshank Redemption

Hi all,

So I didn't have to serve jury duty.  Yay!  So I'm glad to be sending this... even if I don't have a whole terrible lot to send.  And what's here is probly... well, interesting might be a polite descriptor.  ;-)

I hope ya enjoy what there is!

God bless,

So to recap for any new members... way back before TBAA's fifth season or so a TV spoilers magazine reported that there would be an episode in which Andrew was falsely accused of murder and put on trial.  Woulda been a great episode for John Dye to act, right?  Awesome character development for Andrew, right?  Too bad it never came to pass.  We never knew if it had been a planned episode that just never worked out or if a magazine writer just completely made it up.  In any case, it inspired a "holiday" here at JABB: Commemoration of the Murder Trial that Wasn't (then Was). 

I so wanted this murder trial to happen that in JABB 163 I wrote a story about it.  Now I kinda wish I hadn't cause I can't go and repeat a plot (unless it's from It's a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Carol in which case I obviously believe I can repeat those several times in JABB's history) but I find myself wondering: what would that situation be like if Andrew faced it with the Dyelanders and Co. now?  Below are some guesses...

Top Ten Things that Would Happen (or Not) if Andrew were Put on Trial Now

10.  Andrew's trial would inspire ratings desperate NBC to begin a new Law and Order franchise: Law and Order: Mythical and Religious Beings Unit.  Join them next season as Bigfoot sues a Nigerian prince's butler for internet fraud and Joseph sues Reuben and Co. for character defamation and reckless abandonment.

9.  I'll just be blunt: Lady JenniAnn would have to be sedated.

8.  Lady Beth would try to smuggle her homecooked meals and treats into inmate Andrew because she'd be concerned that her victuals just wouldn't rate as highly after he was introduced to the deliciousness of the prison's tuna surprise and slop.  Not.

7.  Monica would bring Andrew orange juice and ginger ale and tell him how much it meant to her when he brought her coffee when she was in jail.  Massive waterworks from the Dyelanders would ensue.

6.  Yva would make Andrew an entire collection of teddy bears dressed to look like his friends in Dyeland and the Sibling Cities.  So at least he wouldn't be alone in the chilly, dank, aesthetically blah jail cell.  Sob!

5.  Rose would ever so sadly give up her "How old is Andrew?" game and replace it with "How long is Andrew going to be in prison?  Someone tell me now or I'll start screaming!" game.

4.  Inspired by
The Shawshank Redemption, Vincent's building team would go to work digging a tunnel into Andrew's cell to free him.  No one would notice it behind a poster of the Eiffel Tower.  Morgan Freeman's stirring narration would inform us of all Andy did during his time in jail.  Mr. Freeman would then be sternly warned that his name is Andrew.  NOT Andy.

3.  Willy would go to work trying to find a way to bake a lock pick into chocolate in just such a way that it wouldn't be picked up by security when brought to Andrew during a jail time visit.  Then the visitor would just need to give Andrew the chocolate, wait for him to pick the lock, shove an Andrew-shaped dummy into the jail cell, put the real Andrew in their bag, and then smuggle him out...  Okay, so obviously that plot needs some work cause we're pretty sure a man-shaped bag would get some attention.

2.  Adam would, as always, be the tent pole and keep everyone from falling apart in the wake of such a devastating event.  He'd also start up a benefit concert to support Andrew's legal fund.  The two free AOD Band members, Nigel, Mick, Sheryl Crowe, Sting, half of Coldplay, Rick Astley, the cast of Spamalot, and Raffi would go platinum with their stirring anthem "Free Andrew Now."

1.  Andrew would still be and look lovely but emotionally shaken.  Hearts would break, he'd cry, we'd cry, Kleenex stock would go up, and the Dyelanders wouldn't rest until he was safely home.  Sigh...

And now... the lyrics to the star-studded anthem "Free Andrew Now"!!!

Imagine a world with a creep on a computer,
a world missing one super-cute Hebrew tutor.
Such a dismal, lonely place,
Missing that one utterly lovely face.

Free Andrew now,
Let him just be.
Free Andrew now,
Give us our AOD.

Oh, Warden, you don't know who you have in there.
We're worried about what prison life will do to his hair.
He should be out playing football and driving his mini-van.
Oh, how can you not see that you have the wrong man?

::Insert interlude of Gloria annoyingly giving the listening audience a history the United States penal code::

Free Andrew now,
We need our poor love.
Free Andrew now,
He comes from Above.

Andrew brings peace and our Andrew brings hope.
But now he's locked up and all we can do is mope.
That chick is totally sobbing into a flannel shirt.
Open that cell before someone gets really hurt.

::Insert interlude of Tess railing at the prosecuting attorney and investigators before
breaking down and crying and taking everyone with her.::

Free Andrew now,
Free Andrew now,
Free Andrew now.
Let him come home.

Free Andrew now,
Free Andrew now,
Free Andrew now.
Let him come Hooooooommmmme.


JABB 275

(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from "Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions.  They are not being used to seek profit.)