Dufresne (Tim Robbins): There are places in this world that
out of stone.
something inside... that
they can't get to, that they can't touch. That's yours.
(Morgan Freeman): What're
you talking about?
from Frank Darabont's
film adaptation of Stephen King's The
didn't have to serve jury
duty. Yay! So I'm glad to be
sending this... even if I don't have a whole terrible lot to
send. And what's here is probly... well, interesting might
polite descriptor. ;-)
hope ya enjoy what there is!
to recap for any new
members... way back before TBAA's fifth season
or so a TV spoilers magazine reported that there would
which Andrew was falsely accused of murder and put on
Woulda been a great episode for John Dye to act, right?
character development for Andrew, right? Too bad it never
pass. We never knew if it had been a planned episode that
never worked out or if a magazine writer just completely made it
up. In any case, it inspired a "holiday" here at JABB:
Commemoration of the Murder Trial that Wasn't (then Was).
wanted this murder trial
to happen that in JABB
I wrote a
story about it. Now I kinda wish I hadn't cause I can't go
repeat a plot (unless it's from It's
Life or A Christmas Carol
which case I obviously believe I can repeat those several times
in JABB's history) but I find myself wondering: what would that
situation be like if Andrew faced it with the Dyelanders and Co.
now? Below are some guesses...
Things that Would Happen (or Not) if Andrew were Put on Trial
Andrew's trial would
inspire ratings desperate NBC to begin a new Law and Order
franchise: Law and Order:
and Religious Beings Unit.
Join them next season as Bigfoot sues a Nigerian prince's butler
internet fraud and Joseph sues Reuben and Co. for character
and reckless abandonment.
9. I'll just be blunt:
Lady JenniAnn would have to be sedated.
8. Lady Beth
to smuggle her homecooked meals and treats into inmate Andrew
she'd be concerned that her victuals just wouldn't rate as
introduced to the deliciousness of the prison's tuna surprise
7. Monica would
Andrew orange juice and ginger ale and tell him how much it
her when he brought her coffee when she was in jail.
waterworks from the Dyelanders would ensue.
6. Yva would make
an entire collection of teddy bears dressed to look like his
Dyeland and the Sibling Cities. So at least he wouldn't be
the chilly, dank, aesthetically blah jail cell. Sob!
5. Rose would
sadly give up her "How old is Andrew?" game and replace it with
long is Andrew going to be in prison? Someone tell me now
start screaming!" game.
4. Inspired by The
Vincent's building team would go to work
digging a tunnel into Andrew's cell to free him. No one
notice it behind a poster of the Eiffel Tower. Morgan
stirring narration would inform us of all Andy did during his
jail. Mr. Freeman would then be sternly warned that his
Andrew. NOT Andy.
3. Willy would go to
work trying to find a way to bake a lock
pick into chocolate in just such a way that it wouldn't be
picked up by
security when brought to Andrew during a jail time visit.
the visitor would just need to give Andrew the chocolate, wait
to pick the lock, shove an Andrew-shaped dummy into the jail
the real Andrew in their bag, and then smuggle him out...
so obviously that plot needs some work cause we're pretty sure a
man-shaped bag would get some attention.
Adam would, as
always, be the tent pole and keep everyone from falling apart in
wake of such a devastating event. He'd also start up a
concert to support Andrew's legal fund. The two free AOD
Band members, Nigel, Mick, Sheryl Crowe, Sting, half of
cast of Spamalot, and
Raffi would go platinum with
their stirring anthem "Free Andrew Now."
1. Andrew would still be and look lovely but emotionally
shaken. Hearts would break, he'd cry, we'd cry, Kleenex
would go up, and the Dyelanders wouldn't rest until he was
now... the lyrics to the
star-studded anthem "Free Andrew Now"!!!
world with a creep on a computer,
missing one super-cute
dismal, lonely place,
that one utterly lovely
Warden, you don't know who
you have in there.
worried about what prison
life will do to his hair.
should be out playing
football and driving his mini-van.
can you not see that you
have the wrong man?
interlude of Gloria
annoyingly giving the listening audience a
history the United States penal code::
our poor love.
comes from Above.
brings peace and our
Andrew brings hope.
he's locked up and all
we can do is mope.
chick is totally sobbing
into a flannel shirt.
that cell before someone
gets really hurt.
interlude of Tess
railing at the prosecuting attorney and
down and crying and
taking everyone with her.::
Credits: The photographs
used on this page are from "Touched by an Angel" and
owned by CBS
Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water
They are not being used to seek profit.)