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"Hawaii Farewell"

Hi all,

This is truly a bittersweet issue for me. For almost six years Audrey and I have brought you a newsletter every two weeks (or thereabouts). Amazingly, only once in that six years did we skip an issue. It's been a pleasure working with Audrey. However, change comes like it always does and Audrey will no longer be serving as co-president. She assures me that this won't be the last we'll hear from her. She'll pop in every so often with her wit and humor. Now I'll let Audrey explain to you in a form she introduced to JABB herself why she is leaving.

God bless

Jenni

THE TRUTH IS *STILL* OUT THERE!

JenniAnn: Hey Audrey.

Audrey: Did anyone follow you? <looking around cautiously>

JenniAnn: No. I don’t think so. What’s this all about?

Audrey: SHH! I think I see someone. Oh. Nevermind. It’s just a bush.

JenniAnn: So what’s this top secret meeting all about?

Audrey: This is *just between you and me*. GOT IT?!

JenniAnn: Yeah, you and me. Got it.

Audrey: John’s hair is in serious trouble.

JenniAnn: Oh, not this again!

Audrey: Not again, JenniAnn. Still!

JenniAnn: I thought Jarrod was out there protecting his hair.

Audrey: No. No. No. Jarrod is Andrew’s bodyguard.

JenniAnn: Well, I don’t remember what happened to it. That was six year ago! Give me a break.

Audrey: OK. Ok. John’s hair was relocated to Northern Ireland.

JenniAnn: Oh yeah. Now I remember. Sort of.

Audrey: <rolls eyes> Well Della found out where it is. So now John’s hair is in trouble!

JenniAnn: Why does Della want John’s hair, again?

Audrey: Geez JenniAnn! What kinda co-prez are you?!

JenniAnn: A forgetful one. I can barely remember the stuff *I* write, much less the bits you do.

Audrey: Well, go here if you need a little reminder. http://www.newsletters.onthisside.net/jabb2.html

JenniAnn: Ok, now that I’m up to speed. What’s gonna happen to his hair? I still want a lock of it.

Audrey: I’m afraid for his hair, so I’m gonna go help protect it.

JenniAnn: In Northern Ireland?

Audrey: No, that poor cold, hairless Chihuahua has moved, and taken John’s hair with it.

JenniAnn: So what are you going to do?

Audrey: <looks around> You can’t tell anyone.

JenniAnn: No one. I got it.

Audrey: I’m going to find that Chihuahua and get John’s hair back. And I’m going to do it before Della does.

JenniAnn: But what if you can’t find it?

Audrey: I have to. Hundred of Androolers would be miserable if I didn’t. I must go.

JenniAnn: It’ll be dangerous.

Audrey: I know.

JenniAnn: And what are you going to do with his hair when you get it?

Audrey: I’m not sure. I was thinking of bringing it to Dyeland, but that’d put all the Dyelanders into danger, and me into danger if the Dyelanders found out.

JenniAnn: That’s for sure. They’d all want a lock!

Audrey: So you understand why I must do this.

JenniAnn: Yes, I think so. Actually, I think you just want to get a lock of his hair too.

Audrey: Well, maybe. But I want to protect it. Anyhow, I should get going.

JenniAnn: Right now?

Audrey: Yes. There is no time to spare.

JenniAnn: But… But what about J.A.B.B.?

Audrey: What about it?

JenniAnn: Who’s gonna help me write it? Who will keep everyone sane? Who will keep me sane! AHHHHHHHHH!

Audrey: JenniAnn! <Throws cold water on her face> Calm down!

JenniAnn: Thanks, I needed that.

Audrey: No problem.

JenniAnn: Well, who’s gonna do that now that you’re leaving? And when are you coming back?

Audrey: I don’t know when I’m coming back. Maybe never. Maybe soon. I just don’t know.

JenniAnn: Sniff sniff

Audrey: Don’t get all sappy on me now! I’m on a mission!

JenniAnn: So who will help me?

Audrey: I have an idea. Don’t worry.

JenniAnn: Don’t worry?! Do you know who you are talking to!?

Audrey: Sorry. I forgot.

JenniAnn: What are we gonna tell J.A.B.B.?

Audrey: We’ll tell them that I’ve resigned. Tell them life got to be too much and I just don’t have time for JABB anymore.

JenniAnn: Well obviously! You don’t even have time to put the periods in!

Audrey: Oh, shut up!

JenniAnn: So we have a story for J.A.B.B. But your replacement?

Audrey: How about Chiwawa?

<JenniAnn just glares at Audrey>

Audrey: Ok. How about Doc Hock?

JenniAnn: You're going to leave me to run JABB with some guy older than my Dad who fancies himself "the best to come out of Georgia?!?" Vincent will NOT approve. Oh geez... Oh geez... Stress...

Audrey: Geez! Settle down! I meant your friend Doc. The female. Was still a glimmer in someone's eye during Vietnam! Not Hockenbury! That would just be... wrong!

JenniAnn: <starting to regain composure> Yeah, that could work.

Audrey: I’ll leave a list of responsibilities for good ole Doc.

JenniAnn: I don’t know about this.

Audrey: That’s exactly right! It needs to stay that way.

JenniAnn: You know what I meant. I'm still half afraid you're going to spring Hockenbury on me. I mean I'm sure he's a delightful person but... I can't live with him! It would just be... ewww. Boys!!!

Audrey: Yeah. Don’t worry. I’ll keep in touch and I promise I won't make you live with Hockenbury. But John’s hair is far more important right now.

JenniAnn: Ok. Ok. Good luck.

Audrey: Thanks. And remember, this is just between you and me. From my fingers to your eyes.

JenniAnn: Got it!

Audrey: Good.

Before Audrey leaves she was good enough to type out for our new co-president, Doc/Karen, a list of her responsibilities. We thought we should share them with you all.

 

The Co-Presidents Responsibilities


1. Let Jenni write JABB

2. Tell Jenni JABB looks great!

3. Correct Jenni’s spelling errors.*

4. Delete all crazy lines that make no sense.

5. Delete all parts that are not funny.

6. Write JABB yourself.

7. Send JABB out but give Jenni full credit.

8. Keep the Kiwi at bay.

9. Protect Chiwawa and his family

10. Occasionally send a letter to yahoo groups to let people know that you are still alive.

11. Tell Jenni what a great job she has been doing.

12. Repeat steps 1-7.

13. Entice the Kiwi to cause problems. It’s getting boring.

14. NO! NO! She caused too many problems! Must kill the Kiwi.

15. Ok. Now, where to hide the body?

16. Hmm. No, I already hid someone behind that tree.

17. I know, Andrew’s house! No one will think to look there.

18. Repeat steps 1-7.

19. Get no feed back from JABB. Feel like a failure.

20. Tell Jenni you don’t want to do JABB anymore.

21. Get fake feedback from Jenni. Feel better.

22. Repeat steps 1-2.

23. Send JABB Jenni wrote.

24. Apologize to JABB community for the JABB.

25. Send Jenni to Looney Bin.

26. Repeat steps 1-7.

27. Free Jenni from Looney Bin.

28. Promise to keep JenniAnn away from Andrew.

29. Wonder why you ever took this job.

30. Repeat steps 1-7

31. Resign.

32. Pass these steps on to the next co-President

33. Be sure to warn the next co-president about Kiwi’s body being at Andrew’s and Jenni’s mental problems.

34. Celebrate. No more J.A.B.B.!!!!

35. Tell police you have no idea what a “Kiwi” is.

36. Destroy all evidence.

37. Repeat steps 1-7.

38. Try once again to resign.

39. Repeat steps 1-7.

40. Repeat step 38-39.

41. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

*(For those of you who are a bit newer to JABB, I (Audrey) am the one who cannot spell)

JABB TOC

Newsletter 140