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"Hawaii Farewell"

Hi all,

This is truly a bittersweet issue for me. For almost six years Audrey and I have brought you a newsletter every two weeks (or thereabouts). Amazingly, only once in that six years did we skip an issue. It's been a pleasure working with Audrey. However, change comes like it always does and Audrey will no longer be serving as co-president. She assures me that this won't be the last we'll hear from her. She'll pop in every so often with her wit and humor. Now I'll let Audrey explain to you in a form she introduced to JABB herself why she is leaving.

God bless



JenniAnn: Hey Audrey.

Audrey: Did anyone follow you? <looking around cautiously>

JenniAnn: No. I donít think so. Whatís this all about?

Audrey: SHH! I think I see someone. Oh. Nevermind. Itís just a bush.

JenniAnn: So whatís this top secret meeting all about?

Audrey: This is *just between you and me*. GOT IT?!

JenniAnn: Yeah, you and me. Got it.

Audrey: Johnís hair is in serious trouble.

JenniAnn: Oh, not this again!

Audrey: Not again, JenniAnn. Still!

JenniAnn: I thought Jarrod was out there protecting his hair.

Audrey: No. No. No. Jarrod is Andrewís bodyguard.

JenniAnn: Well, I donít remember what happened to it. That was six year ago! Give me a break.

Audrey: OK. Ok. Johnís hair was relocated to Northern Ireland.

JenniAnn: Oh yeah. Now I remember. Sort of.

Audrey: <rolls eyes> Well Della found out where it is. So now Johnís hair is in trouble!

JenniAnn: Why does Della want Johnís hair, again?

Audrey: Geez JenniAnn! What kinda co-prez are you?!

JenniAnn: A forgetful one. I can barely remember the stuff *I* write, much less the bits you do.

Audrey: Well, go here if you need a little reminder.

JenniAnn: Ok, now that Iím up to speed. Whatís gonna happen to his hair? I still want a lock of it.

Audrey: Iím afraid for his hair, so Iím gonna go help protect it.

JenniAnn: In Northern Ireland?

Audrey: No, that poor cold, hairless Chihuahua has moved, and taken Johnís hair with it.

JenniAnn: So what are you going to do?

Audrey: <looks around> You canít tell anyone.

JenniAnn: No one. I got it.

Audrey: Iím going to find that Chihuahua and get Johnís hair back. And Iím going to do it before Della does.

JenniAnn: But what if you canít find it?

Audrey: I have to. Hundred of Androolers would be miserable if I didnít. I must go.

JenniAnn: Itíll be dangerous.

Audrey: I know.

JenniAnn: And what are you going to do with his hair when you get it?

Audrey: Iím not sure. I was thinking of bringing it to Dyeland, but thatíd put all the Dyelanders into danger, and me into danger if the Dyelanders found out.

JenniAnn: Thatís for sure. Theyíd all want a lock!

Audrey: So you understand why I must do this.

JenniAnn: Yes, I think so. Actually, I think you just want to get a lock of his hair too.

Audrey: Well, maybe. But I want to protect it. Anyhow, I should get going.

JenniAnn: Right now?

Audrey: Yes. There is no time to spare.

JenniAnn: ButÖ But what about J.A.B.B.?

Audrey: What about it?

JenniAnn: Whoís gonna help me write it? Who will keep everyone sane? Who will keep me sane! AHHHHHHHHH!

Audrey: JenniAnn! <Throws cold water on her face> Calm down!

JenniAnn: Thanks, I needed that.

Audrey: No problem.

JenniAnn: Well, whoís gonna do that now that youíre leaving? And when are you coming back?

Audrey: I donít know when Iím coming back. Maybe never. Maybe soon. I just donít know.

JenniAnn: Sniff sniff

Audrey: Donít get all sappy on me now! Iím on a mission!

JenniAnn: So who will help me?

Audrey: I have an idea. Donít worry.

JenniAnn: Donít worry?! Do you know who you are talking to!?

Audrey: Sorry. I forgot.

JenniAnn: What are we gonna tell J.A.B.B.?

Audrey: Weíll tell them that Iíve resigned. Tell them life got to be too much and I just donít have time for JABB anymore.

JenniAnn: Well obviously! You donít even have time to put the periods in!

Audrey: Oh, shut up!

JenniAnn: So we have a story for J.A.B.B. But your replacement?

Audrey: How about Chiwawa?

<JenniAnn just glares at Audrey>

Audrey: Ok. How about Doc Hock?

JenniAnn: You're going to leave me to run JABB with some guy older than my Dad who fancies himself "the best to come out of Georgia?!?" Vincent will NOT approve. Oh geez... Oh geez... Stress...

Audrey: Geez! Settle down! I meant your friend Doc. The female. Was still a glimmer in someone's eye during Vietnam! Not Hockenbury! That would just be... wrong!

JenniAnn: <starting to regain composure> Yeah, that could work.

Audrey: Iíll leave a list of responsibilities for good ole Doc.

JenniAnn: I donít know about this.

Audrey: Thatís exactly right! It needs to stay that way.

JenniAnn: You know what I meant. I'm still half afraid you're going to spring Hockenbury on me. I mean I'm sure he's a delightful person but... I can't live with him! It would just be... ewww. Boys!!!

Audrey: Yeah. Donít worry. Iíll keep in touch and I promise I won't make you live with Hockenbury. But Johnís hair is far more important right now.

JenniAnn: Ok. Ok. Good luck.

Audrey: Thanks. And remember, this is just between you and me. From my fingers to your eyes.

JenniAnn: Got it!

Audrey: Good.

Before Audrey leaves she was good enough to type out for our new co-president, Doc/Karen, a list of her responsibilities. We thought we should share them with you all.


The Co-Presidents Responsibilities

1. Let Jenni write JABB

2. Tell Jenni JABB looks great!

3. Correct Jenniís spelling errors.*

4. Delete all crazy lines that make no sense.

5. Delete all parts that are not funny.

6. Write JABB yourself.

7. Send JABB out but give Jenni full credit.

8. Keep the Kiwi at bay.

9. Protect Chiwawa and his family

10. Occasionally send a letter to yahoo groups to let people know that you are still alive.

11. Tell Jenni what a great job she has been doing.

12. Repeat steps 1-7.

13. Entice the Kiwi to cause problems. Itís getting boring.

14. NO! NO! She caused too many problems! Must kill the Kiwi.

15. Ok. Now, where to hide the body?

16. Hmm. No, I already hid someone behind that tree.

17. I know, Andrewís house! No one will think to look there.

18. Repeat steps 1-7.

19. Get no feed back from JABB. Feel like a failure.

20. Tell Jenni you donít want to do JABB anymore.

21. Get fake feedback from Jenni. Feel better.

22. Repeat steps 1-2.

23. Send JABB Jenni wrote.

24. Apologize to JABB community for the JABB.

25. Send Jenni to Looney Bin.

26. Repeat steps 1-7.

27. Free Jenni from Looney Bin.

28. Promise to keep JenniAnn away from Andrew.

29. Wonder why you ever took this job.

30. Repeat steps 1-7

31. Resign.

32. Pass these steps on to the next co-President

33. Be sure to warn the next co-president about Kiwiís body being at Andrewís and Jenniís mental problems.

34. Celebrate. No more J.A.B.B.!!!!

35. Tell police you have no idea what a ďKiwiĒ is.

36. Destroy all evidence.

37. Repeat steps 1-7.

38. Try once again to resign.

39. Repeat steps 1-7.

40. Repeat step 38-39.

41. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

*(For those of you who are a bit newer to JABB, I (Audrey) am the one who cannot spell)


Newsletter 140