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"Summer Nights" from Grease

To Whom it may Concern:

Audrey will be unable to complete this issue of Jabb. She is suffering from a horrible case of Andrew-Dye-Tess and seems to be enjoying it too much, so we are avoiding treatment at this time. Hopefully, she will be back to her normal non-obsessive self very soon.


Dr. Johnson

Hello JABB readers,
I hope you will accept my explanation for the absence of a new issue this week and why it is coming from my account. Audrey has been otherwise detained and JenniAnn has been removed from Dyeland for an undetermined amount of time as per her parents' request. It seems she stalked Andrew on his latest assignment and ended up stranded in the middle of Virginia alone after he escorted his assignment home, completely unaware of her presence. She's safely at her parents home recuperating from her adventure. Her parents requested that she not be reminded of the pending JABB deadline, fearing that would turn her mind to Andrew and they'd next get a call from authorities in Greenland. Please enjoy this especially selected rerun of JABB.
Be Well,

From Newsletter 2:


Audrey: Hey! I found out what really happened to John's hair.

JenniAnn: Really? What?!

Audrey: Well, it's supposed to be a secret and I'm not supposed to tell anyone.

JenniAnn: Oh, come on. It's just me.

Audrey: Oh, ok. This is *just between me and you.* GOT IT?!

JenniAnn: Yeah, me and you. Got it.

Audrey: Well, it turns out that John's hair wasn't cut off by Sara as we have been lead to believe. That's just a cover up.

JenniAnn: Really?! So everyone's ready to jump Jarrod for no reason!

Audrey: Yup. Turns out that his hair has been relocated. It's in the witness protection program.

JenniAnn: Really?! Why?

Audrey: Well, John's hair witnessed something it shouldn't have. Now that person whom it witnessed is after it.
JenniAnn: Wow! Must have been something big!

Audrey: You can only imagine.

JenniAnn: So, what'd it see?!

Audrey: Remember, just between you and me. If this gets out I'm dead.

JenniAnn: OK! So, spill it!

Audrey: John's hair saw Della shave off Alex Cruz's hair w/o his permission!

JenniAnn: His hair actually saw that! Lucky.

Audrey: Not lucky at all. Della forced her body upon him and held him there while she shaved him! He got on her bad side, ya know.

JenniAnn: I didn't know that!

Audrey: And you still don't.

JenniAnn: Gotchya!

Audrey: Della found out there was a witness. . . John's hair. So she set out to destroy it. But some government agency found it first. They went above Jarrod's head and shaved John bald right after "God and Country."

JenniAnn: So what happened to his hair? Where is it?

Audrey: Well the FBI or CIA or something or other relocated it to Northern Ireland. That way Roma can still have contact with it. They relocated it to a cold, hairless Chihuahua who is putting it to good use.

JenniAnn: What?! You've got to be kidding! A Chihuahua? A cold, hairless Chihuahua?!

Audrey: Yup. After "God and Country" John had been wearing a wig. Della finally confronted John's hair and tried to shave him bald, but to her surprise he already was.

JenniAnn: Wow. I didn't know Della was like that.

Audrey: Neither did they. So now they are all in some danger. Della won't hurt her 'Love Juice' or her 'Baby Girl.' But she's making their lives miserable. She wants to find his hair.

JenniAnn: Wow this is serious.

Audrey: Yes it is. I told you his hair is in Ireland so Roma can keep contact with it. But she doesn't know. If she did, Della would pry it out of her. So now, the only people that know where John's hair is are you, me, and a few special agents.

JenniAnn: Wow. Does Della know this?

Audrey: Nope. If she did I'd be dead. And now, so would you.

JenniAnn: Is that why on ET she didn't seem thrilled about John's new do?

Audrey: Yup. And that story about them dating. They aren't in love. They are in danger. Della's a tough one.

JenniAnn: So you mean that they aren't going out, but protecting each other.

Audrey: Yup.

JenniAnn: This is so weird. I never thought Della the type.

Audrey: Neither did I.

JenniAnn: This is so surprising. I can't believe it.

Audrey: Remember. This is just between you and me. From my fingers to your eyes.
JenniAnn: Got it!

Audrey: Good.

Newsletter 97