can't arrest them. This is a free country."
"No, it's a democracy, and the majority of
us don't like what's going on here."
~ Det. Fin Tutuola to some baddie or another on Law and Order: SVU
well! Not much to say. The start of
this newsletter makes me hear the Law
and Order "doink doink."
The second part of this newsletter makes me wish we could create
thing people might not
realize is Dyeland once had a fairly in
depth set of laws. Now they're completely out of date but
curious can read them here. I
can't say I really feel a need just now to make up a new law
code. And if anyone else does they haven't made that known
me. Nonetheless, I have wondered how a world without a
deal with infractions. And I think most of us have probly
at least heard of a number of fanfics in which absolutely
things befall our dear Angel Boy. I got to thinking what
happen if some of those things happened in Dyeland. So
my very tongue-in-cheek guesses on prescribed punishments for
the much loved Lovely Angel. I could see this being a
element on JABB so, as always, feel free to email
Crimes Against Andrew Part I
below a listing of crimes
that may be committed against Andrew (former president,
of death, all around great guy, beloved friend, and root cause
occasional swooning epidemics that sweep through our fair
Following each is the punishment decided upon by the Council
Andrew- The offender gets locked in a room with Lady JenniAnn
just has to hear her scream/shriek/cry repeatedly. If she
her voice in the process, we loop audio of her prior
screams/shrieks/cries for the remainder of the hour. For
safety, the perp will be restrained, of course.
cry (purposefully and with ill intent)- We make the perp walk
Dyeland and the Tunnels for a full day wearing a sandwich board
"I made Andrew cry on purpose and with ill-intent."
happens, happens. We offer them no protection. The
board shall actually be a dry erase board attached to a standard
sandwich board so we may reuse it as punishment for other
Call it "green" punishment.
kill Andrew- This means you, guy from "The Root of All
We get that Andrew's immortal but anyone plotting his death
does not know that. They were gonna kill him!
They get to stay with Andrew for a whole week while he
stories of comforting people whose loved ones have been
The offender will then get turned over to the authorities of
world they are from as they are likely a danger to society.
Andrew with malicious intent- If the lie is so malicious that
cries, then the perp can say hello to their new sandwich
In addition, they will also be made to suffer a punishment that
accused Andrew of. If they accused him of having an affair
(Really? Are they stupid?), we fling all their clothing
yard and slap a red A on whatever clothing they happen to be
wearing. Scratch that. A is Andrew's and Adam's
letter. Make that a red broken heart cause that's what the
bloody given us. If they accuse Andrew of stealing, we'll
photos of them up in stores with the word THIEF emblazoned
anything to prevent Andrew from spending time with the
gets to follow Dyeland women around (for however long it takes
to be fixed) while the women aimlessly wander the Fields of Gold
wailing like banshees until finally collapsing on Andrew's
clutching Andrew's flannel shirts to their chests while (perhaps
poorly) singing the latest "Andrew song" between sobs.
both JenniAnn and Rose are in possession of Andrew song play
it could be a darn long wreck of a sing-a-long. Dyeland
responsible for any damage to the offender's ears or musical
6. Purposefully exposing Andrew to harmful Halloween
paraphernalia- Whatever terrible person does this will be
some real Halloween-style fun. We'll introduce em to Mick
Logan who can put on an impressive vampy show. Afterwards
show them all of Willy's Halloween candy but then not let them
until they apologize and take the Oath of Respect to AODs.
this while they are forced to wear those terribly uncomfortable
Halloween costumes Adam, Andrew and Henry had.
It's been over
5 years since TBAA ended
and left us bereft of many things, including the opportunity
and discuss Andrew's every follicle. So I decided that
our eyes can't see Andrew's hair change doesn't mean our
can't. So now Andrew has a beard! At least for a
while. Yay! Now I'm sure the beard is fairly
will be much appreciated. But I could also see it
trouble in Dyeland. So I present...
Downside of Andrew's New Beard
(Photo of beard not yet available
at press time.)
Theatre won't have to search for an actor
when they need a Tevye, Jesus, or other Famous Theatrical
with Beard. Of course, they will realize the downside of
Andrew as a lead when "Fiddler on the Roof" gets panned by the
cause "Tzeitel", "Hodel", and "Chava" all seem a lil too
their supposed father and "Golde" makes a lil too much of the
the end of "Do You Love Me?" Also, "Jesus Christ
be forced to stop the show with the song "I Don't Know How to
after it's concluded Andrew performing anything from Act II
result in the audience storming the stage and attacking "Pilate"
Andrew's beard will,
unfortunately, on occasion collect bits
of muffin, bread, and similar crumbly food items. This
result in many conversations like:
So then I said to him
"Sir, believe me. I'm an
angel. Not a mutant. Despite the glow. Those
::notices Dyelander lunch mate scratching at their chin
begins brushing at his beard.:: What? Where?
get it out?
No, I can still see
the crumb. Here, let me get
it. ::reaches across to Andrew's face for the supposed
really does not exist. Sighs.::
I should shave...
Andrew's beard starts
a craze and many of the Dyeland guys
decide to grow one. Adam and Henry fair okay but Mick is
able to manage a mustache and is made to endure hours of Tom
4. Great, now Monica can claim "Gee, well, I just didn't
recognize him..." when she ignores Andrew. Grr.
5. As Andrew has already discovered, beards make fun toys
small children who like to pull on things. Ouch.
6. You try pulling taffy out of a beard when a snacking
Willy's factory gets a little sloppy.
7. Once autumn comes and Andrew goes back to his jeans and
flannel shirts, he's gonna get real tired of hearing "I'm a
and I'm OK! I sleep all night and I work all day!"* every
enters a room.
*Lyrics from Monty Python's "Lumberjack Song"
(The photographs used on this page are from "Touched by an
owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water
Productions. They are not being used to seek profit.)