JABB 231- Top Ten: AODs v. Vampires, Interview with an AOD, and a Halloween story!

Top Ten Reasons AODs are Better than Vampires

10. Andrew, Adam and Henry make a much more attractive band than Count Dracula, the Mummy, and Frankenstein would.

9. Andrew can participate in Dyeland's 1st Annual Best Garlic Bread Contest. Vampires cannot. But why is there a Best Garlic Bread Contest, anyhow?

8. Andrew can see himself in a mirror. Which means if he walks in front of one you get to see two Andrews at once!

7. Andrew doesn't start aging whenever he doesn't drink. While I'm sure we'd all love Andrew no matter what he looked like, I think I can speak for everyone when I say we prefer him with hair and a nice, full face with lovely rounded ears instead of bald and spindly with pointy ears like that Nosferatu fellow.

6. Andrew really is immortal. Which means Van Helsing can run at him with a stake and sword all he wants and it ain't gonna kill him. Although methinks that if Dr. Van Helsing were to come at Andrew with either a stake or sword someone *would* end up dead: Van Helsing. And then we'd all

get to read about Androolers on trial for murder.

5. If Andrew is in the desert then just sit back, relax, watch, enjoy, and may be hope he'll unbutton a couple shirt buttons as he's been known to do. If a vampire is in the desert too long... in the words of Mick "no more vampire." So... AOD in a partially buttoned white shirt or dead vampire? Which would you choose?

4. If Andrew stops by your place and suddenly becomes very, very tired all ya gotta do is get him to a couch or bed (not yours!) You don't need to empty out the freezer a la "Moonlight" or go coffin shopping a la "Dracula."

3. May be Andrew can't turn into a bat but he can wield a baseball bat with an awesome amount of power. SWOON!

2. If you're visiting with Andrew and he says he's hungry all ya gotta do is order a pizza or something. Not cover your neck and run away screaming.

1. If Andrew is visiting and gets thirsty all ya need to ask him is "Soda, juice, tea, coffee or water?" and not "Type A, O, AB, or B?"

Author's note: I would like to make mention of one vampire who just may be as cool as an AOD. Or at least as cute as one: Charles Rocket's Dadcula in "Hocus Pocus." Any vampire who wears pajamas to a public party is cool in my book.

Now it's time to turn to Dyeland. Ya'll may have heard of "Interview with a Vampire" and even TBAA's "Interview with an Angel." Well, since Andrew's way cuter than Lestat and Monica, I decided it was high time for...

Interview with an Angel of Death- Sunday, October 28th, 2007

Our interview takes place in the parlor of Willowveil Castle. Cotton spider webs are draped over lamps and chandeliers. A few multi-colored witches and pumpkins occupy coffee tables and bookshelves. But perhaps most importantly the room is also occupied by Andrew who sits nervously on a flowery sofa. He smiles when Lady JenniAnn enters carrying two mugs of apple cider. She places them on two pumpkin shaped coasters and then takes her place in a chair across from Andrew.

LJA: Are you sure you want to do this? I mean I'm not so desperate for newsletter material that I'd make you uncomfortable just for a good JABB. Actually, I'd never do that no matter how desperate for material.

Andrew: ::sips cider:: Mmm. This is good, thanks. And, yes, I know you wouldn't. Really it's okay. Ask me about Halloween. I'm ready. ::takes a deep breath::

LJA: ::raises eye brow, unsure:: Okay... if you say so... So, Andrew, it's a matter of public knowledge that you hate Halloween. Would you please explain to our readers why that's so?

Andrew: Sure. And I do want to say it's not that I don't appreciate the efforts of those in Dyeland to make me comfortable. Last year when you all dressed up like angels of death as we really are... well, I was touched. So were Adam and Henry. It's just when I leave Dyeland...

LJA: ::grinning wickedly:: Then just don't ever leave Dyeland.

Andrew: ::chuckling:: Tempting but I don't think the Father would go for that. Halloween here is great. But in other places... I mean if it's not kids dressed as the grim reapers then it's little girls running around in costumes that no parent should allow.

LJA: ::sighs:: Yeah, it has changed even since I was little. No bare mid-riffs in sight back then. But it seems like you've been carrying this Halloween thing for a lot longer than this yucky risque costume trend started.

Andrew: ::thinking:: It's hard to say. May be it was... ::looks uncomfortable and more than a little sad::

LJA: ::reaches across the coffee table for his hand:: Oh... Now please don't be sad! This was stupid. I asked people what they thought might be interesting for this Halloween edition and a few suggested I interview you and get to the bottom of the Halloween thing. But I won't continue on with this interview if it causes you pain. Never. I mean what are they gonna do? Fire me? ::laughs:: Course... I could just make something up.

Andrew: ::smiles:: You're sweet but I don't want you to lie for me.

LJA: Well, may be it wouldn't be lying so much as parody. We'll just make up the most ridiculous reasons that we know they'd never believe but they'd at least get a good laugh. ::reaches for a note pad and then realizes her right hand is still holding Andrew's:: Oh... umm... didn't realize I was still holding your hand. ::blushes::

Andrew: ::releasing her hand:: Thanks. So... why do I hate Halloween?

LJA: Okay... one year you became madly addicted to... name a candy.

Andrew: Twizzlers.

LJA: Twizzlers. Okay, you proceeded to eat hundreds of Twizzlers and got sick and had to spend Halloween in the ER. And you'd spent hours putting together a Wyatt Earp costume only to end up in a very unflattering, not terribly dignified, nearly paper hospital gown. Thoughts?

Andrew: ::chuckles:: Great. Wyatt Earp, huh?

LJA: Well... ya'd look pretty darn good in that sorta ensemble. Actually... I know ya did. Seen the photos. It's good to count Ronald as a friend. ::grins::

Andrew: ::shakes head:: I shudder to think what else you've seen.

LJA: The toga phase was nice. ::giggles::

Andrew: ::reddens and then smiles brightly and reaches for the phone::

LJA: Who are ya calling? Please don't get mad at Ronald! He's just so impressed by all you've done and eager to show off and, well, you could hardly expect me to tell him no.

Andrew: No, I'm just calling my own "Ronald." ::winks and then says into the phone:: Mrs. Chandler, hi. It's Andrew. Good thanks and yourself? That's great. No, JenniAnn's just fine. But I am calling about her. I was thinking I might do some scrap booking of our friends here. Is there any chance I could get some photos of JenniAnn when she was younger? I'd copy them and give the originals back to you, of course. One where she got into your make-up? Sounds great! Gym uniform? Even better.

LJA: Hey... ::laughing uncontrollably even as she tries to swipe at the phone:: You're such a brat. ::shouts:: Mom, stop helping him. He's being mean.

Andrew: ::clearly enjoying this:: Thanks! I would love to come over Tuesday to go through photos. I'll see you then. Hold on. ::grins mischieviously at JenniAnn:: Anything you wanted to say to your mom?

LJA: ::sighs resignedly and takes the phone:: Hi. Oh, yeah, he's adorable. ::kicks Andrew's boot and then grins:: Enjoy your lunch. No tub photos. Love you. Bye. ::hangs up:: Very cute. I'm telling Tess on you.

Andrew: You know what they say: what goes around comes around.

LJA: Yep, turnabout's fair play but I should warn ya... My mom's madly committed to having grandchildren. Before I met Eliot she had some idea, having seen the "Touched" episode about Kelly, that we could adopt. Sposing I never got over you, I mean. So you have fun with that. Ya may still

be fall back. ::sighs contentedly and smiles beatifically:: I love karma.

Andrew: ::begins choking on the cider he was sipping:: Adoption... fall back?

LJA: Yep, a "cosmic Brangelina" as she put it. That's a really pretty shade of red you've got going on, by the way. ::laughs hysterically:: This is just too good. You so better not ever think about falling. Your devilish plans apparently backfire. Anyway... Halloween. Reasons to not like it.

Andrew: ::still dazed:: Uh huh...

LJA: One year you went as a Storm Trooper and Monica paper-machied your helmet cept she didn't let it dry and when you put it on it mucked up into your hair and ya had to shave it all off!

Andrew: ::recovering:: Surprisingly believable.

LJA: You were a disc jockey one October and heard "The Monster Mash" so many times that you got so sick of it and ran around screaming "Mash die, mash die!" whenever ya heard it. But some crazed fan of Hawkeye and Hot Lips heard you and thought you were wishing ill upon the cast of M*A*S*H and knocked ya out. How's that?

Andrew: ::laughs:: How do you come up with such crazy things?

LJA: My brain's a scary place. C'mon, you think of one. Put that devilishness to good use.

Andrew: Hmm... Okay, may be one year Monica begged me to dress up as Prince Charming because she wanted to be Cinderella and didn't want to celebrate alone. But a group of shippers saw us and chased us into a chapel and almost forced us to get married against our will. Is that okay?

LJA: ::falls of her chair laughing:: That's terrible! I love it!

Andrew: I thought you'd enjoy it.

LJA: Anything else ya can think of?

Andrew: I'm not sure I could top that one. Actually, I need to get to an assignment. I'll be back in plenty of time for the Halloween party at Willy's, though. And my meeting with your mom. ::tries to hide a cringe::

LJA: ::giggles:: Oh good. Well, thanks for doing this with me. I think everyone will enjoy it. At least I hope they will. Enjoy wherever you're going... if ya can. We'll see you soon. ::stands::

Andrew: ::stands also:: Thanks, enjoy the rest of your Sunday. And thanks for understanding about my not wanting to share the real reason that...

LJA: ::hugs him:: No problem. Be well, Andrew.

Andrew: You too. ::disappears::

LJA: ::to herself:: Now... leave him to squirm or call my mother and do damage control? ::ponders and then sighs:: Why am I such a goody-goody? ::picks up the phone and dials:: Hi Mom. This is about your meeting with Andrew Tuesday. Please don't bring up the "cosmic Brangelina" thing. Well, cause it's weird. Yes, I realize it's just a joke but I don't want Andrew embarrassed. And if it got back to Eliot somehow he might feel weird about it, too. Okay. Thanks. See ya soon. Love you. Bye. ::hangs up and turns to where Andrew had been sitting:: You owe me. Wherever you are now. ::looks upward:: Please keep grim reapers and ghouls and what have ye away from him, Father. And whatever it is that he's holding inside that surfaces around this time of year... I know You share that burden with him and thank You for that. Please keep us all safe this Halloween and happy and together and always aware of Your love. Amen. Oh and happy Halloween!

JABB TOC
JABB 232

(Photo Credits: The "Hocus Pocus" photograph used on this page is owned by Walt Disney Pictures. The rest of the photographs are from "Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions. They are not being used to seek profit.)