"Writing and reading is to me synonymous with existing."
~ Gertrude Stein

Hi all,

As many of you may know (and as I know the YG people know since I keep yammering about it), the Writers Guild of America is on strike. 
(As are several other unions.  We could make a Top Ten just about current strikes!)  This means that many TV shows made in the U.S. have halted production with others certain to follow if resolution isn't found.  But ya can read all about that on various news sites.  Why am I mentioning it here?  Cause all this has got me thinking... what would it be like if JABB went on strike?  Obviously we can't.  There's no us v. them here.  We write and publish and edit, etc. our own content.  Nonetheless, I couldn't resist some strike-inspired humor so here goes.  I hope ya like it cause you just may be seeing more of JABB if my TV shows go off-air!  ;-)

God bless

PS- Just a reminder to anyone who got my email entitled "Response needed by Nov. 16th if you wish to remain on JABB": Nov. 16th is quickly approaching.  If I don't hear from you then I will remove your address from JABB's files this weekend.

So... clearly it would be utterly pointless for me to go on strike.  I'm just not into striking against myself which I guess would be the case.  But sposing I did go on strike... what would that be like?  So I present...

Top Ten Things that Would Happen If I Went on Strike

10.  Calls to my home would be answered only by an answering machine featuring my voice shouting "Hey there, ya better pay or my newsletters will go away... like forever... like if an AOD took them...  Darn.  This is a terrible strike slogan.  I should totally write some slogans *before* I go on a writer's strike...  Oh, uh yeah, so you can leave a message now."

9.  Old JABB newsletters would begin arriving in your inbox.  Who doesn't want to read JABB 123 again!?!

8.  TPTB would decide to replace JABB with a "reality newsletter."  This involves stock quotes, the top ten news headlines, and a buncha wanna-be celebrities explaining why they want to marry the millionaire who lives on a tropical island, designs high fashion, remodels homes, and dances with actual celebrities while trying to catch their cheating ex on tape.

7.  I would decide to form a guild to support me during my strike.  Unfortunately, only my dog (Danika), frog (Flick), and the spider family that lives in my basement would join. We'd be the Jenni Danika Flick Spider Family Union or JDFSFU.

6.  The guild president would request I turn over all unfinished JABBs to ensure I do not break the strike.  She would chew on them and strew the bits of paper left all around my house.  Because she is a dog.

5.  I'd burst into tears upon receiving TBAA season 4.2 for Christmas, knowing that I couldn't write that "Top Ten Things To Do After You've Chased Andrew Down at the End of 'Elijah'" list.  No one would ever know of my intention to check into an upscale hotel with Andrew and... enjoy the free continental breakfast.  All the cinnamon rolls you can eat!!!  Woo hoo!

4.  I would become frustrated that CNN, MSNBC, and Google News will NOT cover my strike.  As a result I'd turn to YouTube.  While there I'd find some sappy music video made by a Monica/Andrew shipper.  I'd get sick.  My keyboard would be ruined. 

3.  Because the universe has a way of sometimes being really ironic, John Dye's career would suddenly hit hyperdrive.  He'd be everywhere!  And I'd just be left standing around holding my "JDFSFU on Strike!" sign. 

2.  Whilst holding the sign, I'd start crying again upon realizing that our union's name starts with the initials JD...  A moment later I'd probly realize that I may wanna pick another two letters to *end* the acronym with...


I chose to leave #1 blank outta solidarity with the striking writers.  Or may be I just ran outta ideas.  You decide.  ;-)

I hardly have the monopoly on "Strike Fever!" so who's to say that our beloved Dyelanders might not just decide to go on strike themselves.  Here's some things I think might happen if they did...

Lady JenniAnn, finally realizing JABB writing is a non-paying job, would refuse to write or edit any newsletters.  Any and all fellow writers would follow suit.  This would leave Andrew in the unenviable task of having to write them himself to keep up with demand.  Here's a sample of what he might come up with:
Top Ten Reasons My Hair is So Great
10.  It is blonde.
9.  It's pretty long.

8.  It keeps my scalp warm.
7.  It smells like cucumber melon... because that shampoo was on sale this week.
6.  God made it.
5.  I brush it.  Usually.
4.  Umm.
3.  Adam has nice hair.  May be he should write this.
2.  His hair is silver
1.  It's pretty long.

Why would the strike need to stop with the humans?  The AODs will begin to feel over-worked between covering for the writers in Dyeland on top of their AOD assignments.  So...  AODs on strike!!!  This would leave countless souls in a state of confusion with out an angel of death to guide them.  "Do I go towards the light?  No?  Yes?  Do I may be run around the perimeter of the light?  Am I racing the light?  Oh, hey, there's Elvis!"

This would not make God very happy.  Quite deservedly, the AODs would promptly be sent to the Netherworld.  This would cause much angst amongst the Dyelander women who may just drop their picket signs in order to try and enter the Netherworld by whatever means possible.  Unfortunately, some confusion in terminology will lead them all to attempt to fly out their bedroom windows whilst wearing green tights and leafy leotards.  Only upon hitting the ground will they realize that that's the way to enter Never-Neverland and not the Netherworld.

The doctors at St. Andrew's will become irritated with prolonged hours in the wake of caring for hundreds of women in leafy leotards who foolishly leapt out windows.  Tired and malnourished, they will strike. 

The Dyelanders will be left with out their psychologists; a dangerous proposition with the AODs still AWOL.  Once out of the hospital they will have no options except to hang around the AODs' empty houses... wailing.  A horde of sobbing women will descend upon Tourkia and bemoan their exiled Adam.  The turkeys will be kept from sleep and grow increasingly irritable.  As a result, you guessed it, they will go on strike.

By now JABB newsletters have disappeared, souls are debating the proper response to the Light, the AODs are playing "I spy... sand... and only sand... lots and lots of sand," the Dyelanders have all been rendered wailing Peter Pans with concussions, the doctors Ph.D's are atrophying, and the turkeys are refusing to do whatever it is turkeys do.  Disaster is at hand!

What's going to happen to Dyeland?!?

Tune in next time! 

Unless I go on strike before then.  ;-)

Just kidding.  The next issue will probably be Thanksgiving related so I don't want to trouble myself with ending this story then.  So let's just say an alien landed in Dyeland and urged peace.  Sorta like that movie "The Day the Earth Stood Still."  And everyone listens and all is well!  May be?

Or may be Andrew just cried on some sand stairs he built in the Netherworld and everyone was so moved they dropped their picket signs and went back to life as normal?

Or may be Adam sang a rousing showtune that brought everyone together? 

Or may be Tess just yelled at everyone until they gave in?

Who knows.  I guess you can pick your own ending.  If you watch a lot of American TV ya just might have to get used to creating your own ending to shows...  WAH!!!


JABB 233

(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from "Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions.  They are not being used to seek profit.)