is more important than knowledge.
Knowledge is limited.
Imagination encircles the world."
~ Albert Einstein
It really doesn't seem like two weeks have passed since CABB 6, let
alone three weeks since JABB 226. But I guess it has been that
long! So now I've scrambled to get JABB 227 together. I
hope the time crunch doesn't show too much. Course now that I've
admitted it was rushed you're probly more likely to think of it as
rushed... Why am I so honest??? Must be Monica's
fault. ;-) But that's beside the point. I hope ya
enjoy this back-to-school themed issue!
It's been a few years since I was in school but I can remember the
value of a good excuse note at times. While I certainly don't
advocate skipping classes, sometimes it's unavoidable. So the
following Dyelanders and friends have prepared ready-made excuse notes
for you to use when absent... or if you run into certain other
problems. They only ask that they be held harmless if your
or professor fails to accept these.
Excuse Notes from
Dear Mr. ________:
Please excuse ________
from school today. She isn't feeling well and I take illnesses
very seriously. Therefore, I suggested my friend take some time
to get better instead of letting this illness progress. I guess
that kind of concern is an occupational hazard.
Angel of Death
Please excuse ________ from
yesterday's Literature class. I am
afraid her absence is my own fault. I decided to read parts of
"Wuthering Heights" to my own Literature class. ________ was
volunteering as my Helper. I am afraid I had no idea she would be
moved to inconsolable tears over the sad fate of Cathy and
Healthcliff. By the following morning her eyes were so rimmed in
red she was terribly embarrassed to make an appearance at school.
Well I know how painful the teasing of one's peers can be so I deemed
it best to keep her home. As Alexander Pope said "to err is
human, to forgive divine." I trust that after reading this note
you will express the divine nature you were endowed with by our Creator.
Dear Dr. ________:
I'm sorry that ________ didn't
make it to class yesterday. I for
one was really disappointed to learn she would be missing out on your
lecture about the always interesting Benjamin Franklin. I hope
any disappointment you might feel will be put at ease by the
that I gave ________ my own lecture about the founding father.
I'm sure ________ won't mind hearing your own take if you're willing to
let her make up the lecture.
While I'm writing you, I was
wondering if you could give me the name of
your cafeteria man or woman or company. I'd really like to talk
to them about the origins of the meat products offered at your
school. Especially the turkey. I think I might have a deal
for them it would be wise not to refuse. If you can get the kids
to eat mystery meat, I'm sure they'll have no complaints with my
Dear Mr. ________:
Please excuse ________ from
school again today. It turns out she's in love with
me. And since I'm an angel of death, it's not a good thing.
She's hysterical right now. Do you have a guidance counselor at
your school? Please let me know.
I would just like to say that I
think it irresponsible of your school to
have cappuccino machines in your cafeteria and frappuccinos in your
vending machines. As if I don't have enough trouble with a friend
of mine and her mocha lattes, you need to contribute to an entire
generation's caffeine addiction. You might notice that ________
is not in class today. That's because she was up until 4 AM on a
caffeine buzz. If I hear "Danny Boy" one more time I'm going to
throw something. Honestly... as if I don't have enough on my
plate with my angel babies...
Dear Mr. ________:
It's me again.
Andrew. I'm sorry ________ wrote "________
hearts Andrew" on the wall outside the science lab. I swear I had
no idea she'd do that. As it happens, I once had a side job as a
graffiti remover. Could I possibly lend my services to your
school as a token of my regret over that unfortunate incident. By
the way, any luck getting ________ to see that guidance counselor?
Unfortunately or fortunately (depending on how you look at it), excuse
notes will only get you out of so much schoolwork. Eventually
you're going to have to settle down and get to studying. But may
be that won't be so painful with these JABB-approved study tips.
1. So the
geniuses have come out saying we
shouldn't use food as rewards cause it warps our relationship with food
and contributes to the obesity epidemic. That's all well and good
and even makes sense but how can you reward yourself for completing
that 10 page paper about the Roman Empire or that five paragraph essay
about that book you didn't want to read in the first place?
Reward yourself with Andrew every step of the way! Last I
checked, psychologists haven't linked exposure to recorded images of
John Dye to obesity. So figure out how many steps there are to
your project. Let's pretend there are five. Choose your
five favorites of the TBAA episodes you have on hand. Rank them
with 1 being your most favorite and five being your fifth
favorite. After completing step one, view the fifth episode on
your list. Keep going until you've completed all steps and can
view your favorite episode with out feeling guilty!
2. If your school engages
in a book buy back program, it's
important to keep your books in great condition. Or at least as
great as possible since you probly got some beat-up, written on, so
highlighted it's nearly all yellow or pink textbook for $85. So
cover your books with paper bags or wrapping paper and accessorize with
photos of Andrew or JD or Adam or Vincent or whomever strikes your
fancy. May be put Vincent photos on your English
anthology. Andrew might get Algebra since he's so good at "the
new math." And may be consider decking your History book with
Adam photos since he's seen so much and, based on his speech about
Benjamin Franklin, not shy about sharing that. Have fun!
3. Link different
in school to a TBAA episode or related
movie or show to help you through the year. While it may be a
stretch, you could watch "Hocus
Pocus" starring Charles Rocket after a class about the witch
trials. If you're learning about the Vietnam War, watch "Tour of
Duty" or TBAA's "Made in the USA." And if you're in college, any
day's a good day to watch "Campus Man." The possibilities are
4. Get some of those personalized pens and pencils. Except
instead of simply getting your own name, get pens with the names
Andrew, John, Adam, etc. on them. Think fondly of your favorite
angels or actors as you work on that math problem!
5. Finally, don't get totally bummed out if you don't get the
grade you want on a test or paper. And don't feel bad if a
certain subject doesn't come as easily to you as it does others.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses and you can always strive to
do better next time. Just remember, God made you and He loves you!
(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from
an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon
Water Productions. They are not being used to seek profit.)