Hi all! Welcome to JABB 205!
We've celebrated JABB a lot. Anniversaries, the 200th newsletter,
and more. Now I think it's high time we celebrate... the JABB
that wasn't! I think it's fair to say that we've kept fairly
faithful to the show in our depiction of Andrew. Granted,
Dyeland's a bit of a stretch but I like to think he still acts like the
Andrew we know and love from TBAA even amidst the colorful characters
and locations of Dyeland. I hope so anyway cause we sure
try! But what if we didn't care how true to TBAA we
remained? Below I explored a few situations that will NEVER occur
on JABB. I hope you enjoy them and that you have a good few days
until your next JABB arrives!
that You Will Never Read in a JABB Newsletter
(Except this one)
(I'd like to take this moment to remind people the drool buckets can
also be used as handy vomit catchers. Haha. ;-)
1. "Andrew paced
the hospital waiting room, awaiting the birth of
his firstborn. He'd never been this nervous in his entire
lifetime. Well... except for that time he streaked at the
2. "It had been
years since Monica had been promoted. She'd
missed seeing Andrew every day so she had suggested this reunion.
Now she stared at Andrew across the table. She sighed as her gaze
lingered on his eyes. Then drifted to his cheeks and his
lips. Studying the face that meant so much to her. Then she
leapt up from the table, she couldn't hold her feelings in any
longer. She screamed 'In the name of all that's holy... lay off
the Botox, Andrew! You look like a goldfish!!!
"Jenni rolled her eyes when asked about Andrew's jeans,
T-shirt, and flannel shirt ensemble. 'Yuck. What a
slob. Hated it!' she groaned."
4. "Adam felt
bad for Andrew. It really hadn't been nice of
Tess to call him 'an outdated hippie with poor fashion sense and split
ends.' The poor blonde angel hadn't eaten for two days he was so
upet. Adam knew how to fix that. He went into the kitchen
and returned with a plate for his friend. 'Eat this sandwich,' he
commanded. 'It's 100% real turkey meat!'"
5. "Andrew fell
back against the wall. He knew his time was
almost up. He figured now was a good time to confess.
'I...' he drew a shuddering breath and continued, 'shot JR
Ewing.' And then Andrew died."
warily eyed Gloria. Something had been bugging
him since he'd first met her. And he was sure of it now...
She was *totally* the chick who had been in 'One Day at a Time.'"
couldn't believe it. He'd fallen in love with
the woman on TV. He had to meet
her. John Dye had worked
with her once... Maybe he had her number... He grabbed the
phone and once he heard it pick up the words came out in a stream:
'John! I need Jennifer Lopez's phone number. NOW!'"
8. "Adam, Henry,
and Andrew had at last come to a decision on a
design. They guffawed and slapped each other on the back as they
waited for their turns with the tattoo artist. They knew they
would look completely awesome when they showed up at Monica's party
with matching Care Bear tattoos on their foreheads."
"Lady JenniAnn slammed down the phone and growled. Then
she grabbed her purse, got up from her chair, and headed to the
door. 'If I have to bail Andrew out of jail one more time for
stealing cars, I'll throttle him! This is the third bloody time
this month!' she bellowed."
10. "Andrew and
Adam were fed up with their assignments making
them wait until the final round of Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune was
over. Suddenly they knew what they had to do: Pat Sajak and Alex
Trebek had to go..."
11. "And that is
why we at JABB have decided to become
JEBB. From now on we'll be the John/Eric Bucket Brigade.
Because that Eric Manion from 'Heart of the Beholder' is waaaay better
than Andrew. I mean, really, who wants a sweet, gentle,
considerate angel when you can have a john who holds guns to women's
heads?! It's a no-brainer people! JEBB forever!"
12. "Jenni is
made-up. She does not exist. Anyone who
ever saw her was actually seeing my secret little sister, Jana
Dye. Anyone who spoke to her heard only me using a voice
diguising mechanism. I
really am John and I've been running JABB
since day one. Thank you all for feeding into my
narcissism. I truly am the most awesome man to ever live!
Here, have a drool bucket as you bask in the glory that is moi!"
(So I have a wicked side?
;-) ~Jenni who is not a shipper, is glad Andrew did not kill JR,
and thinks Eric Manion is a loser. Also... I am not the most
awesome man to ever live.)
photograph used on this page is from
"Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline
Productions, and Moon Water Productions. It is not being used