the theme from "Romeo and Juliet"
(So I'm a lil depressed about this issue!)
On
a quiet Saturday in Dyeland, two figures walk through a wooded area,
deep in conversation.
“Then
just hit send. It’ll be all addressed with a subject line and
a body and all. There’s enough pre-written material to last for
months. I mean if you want you can put in your two cents but
otherwise
just send as is. Got it?” JenniAnn asked.
“Yes, I don’t think I’ll have any problems sending JABB,” Andrew
responded.
“Good.
You’re good with computers, I didn’t think you would but you’re sure
it’s not… I mean if it’s weird for you or something… It’s just I
have
people lined up to send on some dates but not others and I really don’t
want them simply not sent and… May be I shouldn’t go.”
Andrew
stopped walking and turned towards JenniAnn. “No, this is what
you
want.
It has been 7 years… I think you’re entitled to a hiatus.”
“For three months?” JenniAnn asked, looking at the ground and kicking
at
nothing in particular.
“Or longer. How ever long you need,” Andrew encouraged.
They continued walking again.
“Y’know,
I’m glad you came back from assignment before I left. I’ve grown
rather tired of slinking away behind your back,” JenniAnn admitted with
a
rueful smile.
“I am too. So what are your plans?”
“Get a job,
health insurance, change my political party, buy some clothes,
re-organize my book collection, and, umm, get a boyf-- may be broaden
my social circle. A bit. I mean I’ll still be keeping in
touch with
all our members through all that. Just not sending newsletters
and
not… here,” JenniAnn explained, wistfully taking in the trees around
where
they walked.
“Change is good sometimes.”
“Uh huh…” she agreed, doubtful. They walked on some more until
they came to a clearing in the woods.
Andrew withdrew his pocket watch. “It’s 3:45, JenniAnn.
When’s
your interview?”
She sighed. “4:00. I guess this is it. Well,
good--” She stopped dead and looked around. “Get back in
the woods!” she hissed.
Andrew looked at her with arched brow and didn’t move.
“I
am NOT saying good bye to you in a field. Not like Monica…
Heck, it
was painful enough watching it on TV. I’m NOT living it.
I’m NOT!” JenniAnn cried.
“I, uhh, still see Monica, ya know,” Andrew pointed out, trying to calm
the increasingly distraught woman.
“But is it the same? The same as before you said good bye?”
It
was Andrew’s turn to look at the ground and kick at imaginary
things.
“Well, no… Things have changed but change is necessary.
Sometimes
when we’re away from something, we appreciate it more when it’s
returned to us. Or we return to it.”
“I don’t want things to change,” JenniAnn pouted.
“But they do…”
JenniAnn nodded, fighting back tears. “I better get going.
Good bye,
Andrew.”
She quickly hugged him then turned to leave. She didn’t get more
than
five feet before turning back around. “Let’s go watch a
trailer. We
actually got good feedback when we watched the ‘Heart of the Beholder’
trailer with Jess and wrote it up. C’mon, watch the ‘Rent’ one
with
me, please? Or… or… ‘Narnia’!! I know John Dye isn’t in
either but…”
Andrew shook his head. “You know it’s time for you to move
on.”
The
woman smiled bravely, if not very convincingly. “I guess you’re
right.” Then she produced a package from her backpack.
“This is for
you. Please don’t open it while I’m here. Good b--
See you later,
Andrew,” she covered.
“I’ll see you later and thanks.”
JenniAnn hugged the angel then walked a bit further into the field and
was
gone.
Andrew
stared down at the large though very flat package. He sat down on
the
grass and carefully tore the paper away. He found himself staring
down
at a picture book. At first sight it looked like a children’s
story.
But later he’d learn better. He opened the front cover and saw
the
familiar handwriting there.
“ ‘When a child loves
you for a long, long time, not just to play with,
but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’”
“You were my Skin Horse,
Andrew.
With love,
JenniAnn”
Author’s Note:
Oh
crikey. I need a chai. And some Kleenex. The idea to
take a
hiatus was one I’ve struggled with for months. This newsletter
took
several attempts to write even. Originally I tried to write a
top ten
but, in the end, the above kept coming to me. Sometimes in
dreams,
sometimes in waking life. So I decided to use it.
I’m still not
sure if I made the right decision. But I think it’s right to take
a
step back from the newsletter and see what, after 7 years, my life is
like with out it. As the story says, you’ll still get newsletters
every two weeks. Pre-written or written by others. But for
the next
three months at least I probly won’t be writing or editing any thing
for the newsletter. I may resurface for Andrew’s birthday on
September
20th. I may not. Really I just don’t know. This is a
time of a lot
of uncertainty in my life and I think right now my attention needs to
be focused on the areas my fictional counterpart brought up.
That being said, I
still plan to be active on the Yahoogroup and, as always, would love to
receive email from any and all of you. I just can’t devote the
amount
of creative energy I have in the past to this newsletter right
now.
I
do worry that in three months time, I will change and have lost
whatever it is that’s enabled me to write and co-write JABB in the
past. But like Andrew said, change is inevitable. I guess
part of
being human (and may be it’s the same for angels) is allowing change to
happen even at the risk of losing some things. But regardless,
this
isn’t the end of JABB. If my fears are realized, I’ll still do a
final
issue at least.
The inscription “JenniAnn” left Andrew is from
Margery Williams’ “The Velveteen Rabbit”. For some reason since
TBAA
left the air it’s reminded me of Andrew. So I thought a quote
from
that would be a fitting way to part from him. Because in a lot of
ways
by being in this group, Andrew has become real to me. May be not
in
the sense that I think when I die I’ll see him, but that some part of
his loving spirit lives on in this group. I thank God for it and
each
of you.