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"Buddhist Fest" in honor of Virgil Keller
Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone! In honor of the special day (or not so special day depending on your personal Valentines philosophy, area of the world, and, who knows, maybe even favorite color) we’ve written a quiz to help you discover which of a few John Dye characters would best serve as your Valentine. In addition, Jenni will give her annual State of the Androolers Address because it’s apparently that time of the year and we just know you all sit around with baited breath waiting every February for it. Well, ya do dontcha? No? Class? Anyone? Anyone?
Okay, now that we’re through
channeling Mr. Ben Stein let’s continue!
Where did you meet your date?
A. A dojo.
B. Kinda a shady part of town. And he had a wad of ones in his pocket. Hmm…
C. He was just sitting on some stairs looking a bit sad.
D. A zoo
E. An ad agency
2. Which would you most like to receive as a valentine gift?
A. One of those really cool jade Buddha statues
B. A confiscation notice
C. If he’d just dance with you and maybe dip ya at the end that would be lovely
E. Leftover Christmas candy
3. Not to sound pervy but… what’s he wearing?
A. White gi
B. He’s awfully buttoned up, shirt, tie, the whole bit… for now
C. Alternately a white suit and jeans and flannel shirt.
D. Lab coat (over normal clothes, slightly dated mid-90s look to em though…)
E. Colorful dress shirts and ties with slacks
4. What’s his favorite Valentines candy?
A. Doesn’t eat candy, trying to stay in shape. Body and soul.
B. Dark chocolate. Really dark.
C. Dove chocolate
D. Hershey bar… and he shared it with his pet snake
E. Yet more leftover Christmas candy… Geez…
5. Okay, you’re headed out to a lovely dinner but he makes a stop. Where’s he going?
A. Somewhere quiet to meditate
B. A book and video burning
C. He stops by the hospital to check on someone he describes as an “assignment”
D. Back to the zoo… it’s feeding time. Those poor crickets…
E. Pick up the kiddies from school and then dump em back off at the house with their weird uncle
6. Dinner was scrumptious and now it’s time for dancing. At his place. What’s the play list?
A. “We Are the Champions” by Queen, “The Power” by SNAP, and “Sacred Tibetan Chant” by the Monks of Sherab Ling Monastery
B. “Sinnerman” by Nina Simone, “Bad Boys” by Inner Circle, and “Money, Money, Money” by ABBA
C. This friend of his just plain showed up outta no where and started singing! Hymns, standards, stuff like that!
D. “Spiders and Snakes” by Jim Stafford and “Snakes” by Gwen Stefani
E. “All I Want for Christmas is You”, “The Gift”, and “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”
7. Now for some quiet conversation time. What ya talking about?
A. We’re trying to make sense of koans
B. He’s ranting about liberals degrading the morals of the society. Also two women named Organza and Jacquard called and now he’s saying some stuff that I really just don’t think I should repeat in a wholesome newsletter like this…
C. Eternity, God, stuff like that
E. His kids and his job. Lots about his job. Really I get it… You do ad campaigns! Woo hoo!
8. All right… evening is coming to an end. How do you part?
A. With mutual respect and plans to work out together!
B. It was a bloody nightmare! Some guy came in screaming about my date ruining his life and my date pulled out a gun and now apparently he’s getting hauled into jail!
C. He kissed my hand and rode away into the moonlight in the singing lady’s red Cadillac… Sigh…
D. Oh hey… he gave me a pet garter snake of my very own. AHHH!
E. There was an abandoned house and a fire and Santa came and…
Okay results time!! Total up how many of each letter ya got and look below:
If ya had mostly A’s, your Valentine should be Virgil. He’s a nice guy, good dancer (at least he was in the 80s), in great shape, and if anyone ever causes you problems he’s got your back! Also, with his Buddhist beliefs he’s likely to keep calm and put everything into perspective.
If ya got mostly B’s, your Valentine should be Eric Manion. Are you sure maybe you shouldn’t speak to a counselor?? But hey if ya like high drama… I guess he’s your guy??
If ya got mostly C’s, your Valentine should be Andrew. Wow. He’s dreamy… Ahem. Anyway, nice guy, great clothes, good conversationalist. Just don’t go looking for this to end in marriage.
If ya got mostly D’s, your Valentine is Dr. Ray Stinson from the “Murder, She Wrote” episode “A Nest of Vipers.” I hope ya like insects and reptiles! If not… on the plus side he does seem quite the devoted lover.
If ya got mostly E’s, Bill’s your guy but Kristin will hunt you down. She will torture you with candy canes. You have stolen her man!!! You’re on Santa’s naughty list now for sure!
Well that was really… special. Now
while you all mull over your results let’s go to Jenni and her
State of the Androolers
Well everyone… yet another year has gone by and JABB is still here! In my last speech I mourned TBAA’s ending but it’s not slowed us down! Many of us are anxiously awaiting the release of Season Two on DVD after joyously getting Season One last August. Just think… Andrew episodes! That DVD set is rumored to be coming out in May. We’re also hoping to have the third season of “Tour of Duty” soon and will keep you posted if we receive any information on that.
But the biggest news of this year was John’s new movie, “Heart of the Beholder”! We’ve heard from some of you who put up with slow modems just to view the clips available at http://www.beholder.com/. It’ll be quite an experience to see John morph from mild-mannered, good guy Andrew into foul-mouthed, corrupt cop Eric Manion! Way to go John for really showing off his diverse acting abilities!
In more personal news, I finally fiddled around with some of the features we got free with the purchase of our domain name (www.onthisside.net) and built a concise and very green supplemental web page which can be found at www.jabb.onthisside.net. We also followed through on my goal from last year’s address to build a store. Thanks to those of you who have purchased drool buckets or bracelets from me! The web pages themselves got a huge boost in visual quality since Jess generously spent much time and energy taking snapshots from videos of TBAA and others of John’s projects and appearances!
Finally, a big thanks to all of you on this newsletter and our Yahoogroup for remaining vocal. We’ve been blessed with new members through out these past months. Glad to have you with us. All of you, newbies or not, are the reason we continue to churn out these bizarre but hopefully humorous newsletters every two weeks! We hope to hear more from ya in the future. Just email Jenni and/or Karen. As with last year and because it’s Valentine’s day, I’d like to conclude this “speech” with a quote from our beloved Andrew about the greatest love of all: "God really loves you. To him, you are His beautiful child."
Thank you and God bless you all,
PS Thanks to Jennie for helping me
to come up with names of fabrics. ;-)