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Before we get into the newsletter, I (Jenni) would like to announce
that we've had yet another change in JABB. Unfortunately, Doc has had
to leave the group due to an overly busy schedule. Luckily for us,
Karen/Bunny who has been with the group for nearly six years has
stepped in to take over as the second co-president. I certainly look
forward to working with her!
PS Andrew's (Observed) birthday is right around the corner (Sept. 20th). If you'd like to know our celebration plans in advance or would like to help plan something, please email Jenni or simply reply to this email.
Now for some more ever-so-fun (we hope) newspaper articles...
Dyelanders Prepare for New John Dye Movies
By: Andrea Friend
MARGHERITA'S MEAD AND MORE, IDLEWILD-- News of John's recent film projects have caused much buzz through out the Dyeland community. Things reached fever pitch in Dyeland's only pub where several Dyelanders were gathered for music, food, and drink. Discussion particularly revolved around "Heart of the Beholder" in which John is reported to play a not-so-nice man.
"I don't care if John's a jerk in it. I just want to see it. It better go into wide-release is all I'm saying. Turkey leg, anyone?" Margherita declared from behind the bar.
"Being a jerk in something is fine and all but he should be in a jerkin... With one of those flowy white shirts and... " JenniAnn suddenly blushed and returned to trying to convince the mandolin player to perform "I Will Walk with You."
Officially, Dyelanders have all ready planned a party for premiere night. A run of publicity garnering merchandise efforts was stalled after the "John Beholds My Heart" shirts failed to sell. Experts predict it was because no one actually knew what that slogan meant. "It sounds sappy, if not downright scary. In any case, not really in keeping with the theme of the film as we understand it," JABB's PR and advice expert Annie Dru explained.
Back at the pub, discussion began about whether or not it would be feasible to take a cue from certain "Lord of the Rings" fans and build a village in the movie ticket line in the months prior to the movie's premiere.
"That may be excessive. Besides, they had cute hobbit houses. What are we going to live in? Mini DA offices?" Jess asked.
"True, maybe we only need to camp out just the night before." Elizabeth agreed.
It remains to be
seen what exactly the Dyelanders will cook up to celebrate John's new
movies. But this reporter is troubled by visions of Manion action
figures lining the shelves of Dyeland's many fine stores just in time
Dyelander Announces She is "Over" Andrew for
14th Time This Year
By: Janie Dyefan
DYELAND CITY, ASTERI-- An unnamed Dyelander has told friends and family that she is "completely and utterly over my obsession with that angel." This marks the fourteenth time in 2004 the woman has made such a declaration of unlove. Ever since settling in Dyeland she has repeatedly declared her undying love and affection for angel of death and sometimes-Dyeland City-resident, Andrew.
"I am touched that she likes me but I felt it unfair to encourage too much of her devotion. So back in January I had a heart to heart with her. I told her she was a great friend but it simply wasn't in my nature to be anything more," the concerned angel explained.
The distraught woman then left Andrew and reported to her friends that she no longer loved him saying "He's, like, such a wimp about Halloween, I don't know what I saw in him." She then made a big show for two weeks of going to the places around Dyeland that Andrew frequented and having casual chats with him.
"Then she'd always come back to our table and say 'Gee, it was nice to see him but I am so over him.' Then not one day later... here come the waterworks and she's spouting off Dylan Thomas poems again," a close friend acknowledged.
This behavior has continued through out 2004. The psychologists at St. Andrew's Hospital are unsure how long this latest "break" will last.
"Last time, back in July, not two whole days after declaring herself 'over Andrew' I know she was outside his house holding a boom box over her head and playing Peter Gabriel's 'In Your Eyes' repeatedly. It's a great song but geez... It was almost a relief when the thing got too heavy and she dropped it. Anyway, I give this current break til 2:30 Monday. Then I suspect Andrew can expect a box of heart shaped cookies on his doorstep. And probably a sonnet," the close friend predicts.