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Hello! This week's issue will be the last debate for this year's election, in the next issue we will return to our regularly scheduled... stuff. This is the first issue being sent from my new Earthlink account. If you experience any problems reading the newsletter because of this change, please let me know. Also, please send any future communication to this address or my yahoo one. This includes votes for this election which are due in, to me, by the 26th. Thank you and enjoy the newsletter!



JenniAnn: Hello again! Welcome to our second and final debate for the 2003 Dyeland Presidency. We are joined by our three candidates, President Andrew, Kiwi, and Legolas. Our faithful moderator will be joining us again to offer questions to the candidates. And, finally, I'm also joined by my fellow reporter and JABB co-president, Audrey. Audrey what are you feeling going into the second debate?

Audrey: After the last round of questions, I'm a bit afraid to see what Kiwi has in store for Dyeland whether or not she wins!

JenniAnn: No kidding! Let's just hope the voters are responsible and pick the candidate they feel will do the most good. Good being the operative word there! Anyway, that being said let's get on with the debate!

Moderator: Andrew, Legolas, Kiwi... Thank you for joining us again today. With out further adieu, let's start the questions! Now, If you are elected President, what will be your first official action?

Legolas: To have some maps made of the Crystalline Caverns. No, Kiwi, I personally do not need them. One day I was with a group of Dyelanders and they were worried about getting lost in the caverns. I want the maps to be available to those who want them. Or for those who do not dare go deep into the caverns for fear of being lost forever.

Andrew: Hold a Ball, I guess.

Kiwi: Well not counting paying off the judges and the police force. I'd say I'd empty out the Dyeland coffers and throw one wild party for everybody who supported and voted for me!

Audrey: I don't know JenniAnn, do you think her bribery ploys will work?

JenniAnn: I sure hope not. I have more faith in the residents of Dyeland than that.

Moderator: As you know, "Touched by an Angel" recently left the air. Whoever is elected President will be given the difficult task of leading Dyeland in a post-new-TBAA-episode world. How will you help Dyelanders cope with the loss of their favorite show?

Kiwi: Hold Andrew accountable and send him to jail of course. And anyone else who moans, whines, and is upset over the greatest move CBS has made in a long, long time.

Legolas: I will remind them that of all great television shows that run for years there is almost always a reunion movie. I will also encourage Dyelanders to get outside for that hour that would normally be used for watching "Touched by an Angel". Humans really do need to appreciate the outdoors more.

Andrew: I personally offer support to anyone who needs to talk about this loss of our favorite show, I know how much it has meant to you all over these years and for some will be the same as losing a very dear friend. Together, with God's love and support, we can get through this. Nothing ever really dies and leaves us and the Father always replaces any loss with something even better. So mourn and remember the good times.

Moderator: If elected president of Dyeland what, if any, changes will you make to Dyeland? Anything like adding new commercial buildings, adding national parks or tourist attractions?

Legolas: A national park would be a very good thing to add to Dyeland. As for commercial buildings there really is not a need for them at the moment. If there are tourist attractions do we really want to attract potential dangerous people?

Kiwi: Get rid of all angels and middle earthers and build a bigger mental hospital, pubs and niteclubs, and a crackhouse, several banks and lawyers' offices and a prison for any would be up and coming theology teachers and accountants. (and wayward Campaign managers too)

Andrew: I would change nothing, and only add what the residents of Dyeland require, and this would be through a public debate first. Though I would love to add a walk/cycle/skate path around the island for everybody for leisure and recreation use.

Moderator: That ends our first half of the debate. Please join us after the commercial break.

JenniAnn: Wow, what a way to start! I particularly like the part when Andrew talked about helping people cope with TBAA's ending. But I better shut up before I start crying like I did during the last election. Audrey, what do you think?

Audrey: I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of these desperate pleas for us to vote for a particular person. I think it's time for a paid one. :)

JenniAnn: Uhh, right. Well, time for the commercials!

Andrew's ad:

Kiwi's ad:

JenniAnn: And we're back! Audrey, you think Andrew is going to win?

Audrey: I don't know. This looks like a tough race. Andrew's got the experience, the looks, and all the right answers. But that Kiwi has chocolate. Yummy delicious chocolate.

JenniAnn: You think anyone would vote for a president based on how much *chocolate* they have!?

Audrey: Hey look, the debate is still going on. No more chocolate for now.

JenniAnn: Fine!

Moderator: With Dyeland having grown in population and all, how do you plan to protect the environment for the future?

Legolas: From my experience most everyone in Dyeland is pretty environmentally aware. At this point things need to be monitored. If a certain issue looks like it is going to come up then a solution for that specific problem will be devised.

Kiwi: Oh who the hell cares, and long as no one uncovers my proverbial buried bodies, or messes with my rubbish tip, then I don't care.

Andrew: Consult all citizens as to their feelings and ideas and work in partnership with all to protect our beautiful country.

Moderator: What will be your number one priority that will effect the citizens of Dyeland or Dyeland itself?

Legolas: To make sure that Dyelanders are as happy as they can be with Dyeland.

Kiwi: Taxes. Big taxes. Taxes on everything. Taxes that will go back from the start of Dyeland itself, so now everybody owes me money. Including you missy, so cough up!

Andrew: Well....I guess it will be hosting the ball.

Moderator: Now, we're to the end of the questions. What about you do you think makes you especially suited to being the President of Dyeland?

Legolas: I have been in leadership positions before. My style of leadership involves me being very benevolent but keeping a careful watch on what is happening.

Kiwi: Ability to control, blackmail, bribe and hurt the constituents physically, mentally, emotionally and socially. I believe in backhanded dealings, mafia and gang dealings, secret police, bulling tactics, underage drinking, free sex, no education or health policies, unfree trade, consumer pays, domination of consumer markets by my companies, lack of accountability, no ethics, morals and professionalism, no complaints departments, rudeness, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, torture and imprisonment, no freedom of speech or rights and liberties of any kind, undyehandedness, dictatorships, high taxes and punishments to those who try to unseat me and of course total Anarchy! What else does one need?

Andrew: Suited? Well I'm not so sure suited in the right word to use. I mean, I, er, well, I never quite dealt with the *Kiwi* problem now did I? <eg>

Kiwi: Hey what the....I thought you were an angel? You can't say things like that. Can he say that? He can't say that can he?

Andrew: (vbeg) I was only joking Kiwi. You're not really 'that' much of a problem to tell the truth!

Kiwi: Ohhhhhh,........Bite Me!

Andrew: <Laughing>

Audrey: Wow. That's literally *all* I have to say. Wow.

JenniAnn: Well, that sure was an interesting debate! I sure know who I'm gonna vote for. I'm not telling. Voting is something private. (JenniAnn stands up and approaches the video camera, it now becomes painfully obvious that she has Andrew's picture on her peasant blouse.) We'd like to remind our viewers that the voting polls open right when you get this email. Voting closes on May 26th. To cast your vote simply send an email with the candidate's name either in the subject line or the body of the message here. The winner will be announced in the next JABB issue but the Yahoogroup list will know on the 27th. If you would like to know the winner on the 27th and are not on the JABB Yahoogroup, please include a request to be sent the results in your email. Remember, there's no sure thing so don't not vote because you're sure your candidate will win anyway!


Special thanks to Karen/Bunny for submitting many of the questions in this issue. Also thanks to Andrew, Jennifer, Kiwi, Legolas, Mieke, and Sara for helping to write this issue with Aud and I. ~Jenni


Newsletter 113