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"Joy to the World"
Hello! Welcome to our first holiday issue of this year. We hope you enjoy it. We're planning a future newsletter dedicated to the (in)famous light bulb joke. So if you have an amusing way to answer the question "How many Androolers does it take to screw in a light bulb?" email Jenni. Beyond simply answering the question we'd like to describe who all is present for the Light Bulb Changing. So if you have an idea of who should be there send us something like this:
JenniAnn's there because she may want to write a top ten about changing
the light bulb later.
Vincent's there because he fears Andrew may be the one to change the
light bulb and if it in any way involves a toolbelt he should probably
be there to catch JenniAnn and any other swooning Androoler.
If you have questions let me know. I just think it'd be cool to have a
newsletter with lots of input from you, the members. Thanks and happy
holidays! Enjoy!
JABB's 24 hour home shopping network is up and running again, featuring
the still stunning name: JABB-The Home Shopping Network. Two years ago we brought you some wonderful
gifts, the response was wonderful! So this year we are presenting you
with even more gifts for the Androolers in your lives (or the people
you just *really* want to annoy).
Adam's Turkeyless
"Turkey"- Are you
sick of the senseless murder of precious turkeys? But you're stuck with
holiday meal duty? Have we got a solution for you! Order one of Adam's
famous "birds" and serve your family with a clear conscience! Comes in
10 lb., 15 lb., and 25 lb.
A Very Andrew
Holiday CD, Part 2-
The first edition of this must-have holiday CD went double platinum
last year. Here's more great music from JenniAnn, Audrey, and Chiwawa,
now
with the amazing vocal stylings of Vincent! You'll find yourself
singing along with Audrey and JenniAnn to "Hark, the Herald Angel is
Pretty Cute" and "Silent Saturday Night?? Where the Heck is TBAA?".
Those of you less exuberant members can commiserate with Vincent as he
sings "Up On the Housetop is Where I'll Be Hiding from the Drooling Mob
*in* the House."
Special Edition
Andrew Cell Phone-
Not only does this beautiful cell phone feature a picture of Andrew but
it also comes with your speed dial set for Andrew's office in Dyeland.
But here's the best part... Every time you get a phone call your cell
phone's "ring" will be replaced by either Andrew's prayer on the stairs
from "The Journalist" or the Ultimate Reality speech from "My Dinner
with Andrew!" How awesome will you be with this stylish, classy phone?
A Christmas with
Andrew Video- This
cinematic masterpiece was lovingly filmed by Audrey and JenniAnn over
the
last couple years. We have compiled some stunning videos and photos of
Andrew preparing for the holiday season at Dyeland. This video was
filmed using some rather technical, spy-like devices (the ol' camera in
eyeglasses!) so Andrew doesn't actually know this exists. We'd
appreciate that if you purchase this you never let him find the video.
We'd rather he not know we, uh, stalked him.
The History of
Dyeland CD-ROM- The
history buff in your family will "dye" for this stunning virtual tour
of Dyeland and its history. This CD-ROM features archival footage of
Andrew delivering his Inaugural Address and State of the Union. Thanks
to Chiwawa it also features video of John's first reaction when he
found out there was an entire world named after him. For those of you
more interested in the governmental aspects, this CD-ROM allows you to
take a step-by-step look at how the electoral and impeachment processes
work in Dyeland!
Gag T-shirts- Not everyone can fully
appreciate Andrew like we do. For these people we are offering T-shirts
with the following slogans: "My Mom/Sister/Friend Lives in a Delusional
World and All I Get is this Shirt," "Friends Don't Let Friends Drive
Drooling," and "I'm with Obsessive" (with a delightful arrow underneath
the print).
The Scissush!- It's a wonderful new
invention. A combination hair brush with built in scissors for those
spur of the moment decisions to cut one's hair without telling anybody.
It comes in any color you so choose and can be operated by almost
anyone (with hands). Batteries not included nor required.
The New and
Improved Toolbelt-
This items comes attached to a pair of pants so that you shalt not have
to hunt for the toolbelt nor spend hours looking for those misplaced
pants. Pants not included. Pants also not recommended. :)
CHIWAWA: The Plush
Toy- Have you spent
hours gawking over our beloved mascot?! Here's your chance to get your
own soft, furry version! He comes with removable toolbelt and a pair of
scissors should you wish to reclaim John's hair. Order now! Offer void
where Kiwi's reside.
Order now!!!!
After six years it's understandable if your obsession with Andrew and
John has seen its share of ups and downs. However, we at JABB feel
it's still important to check in with the Androoling component of your
personality. Here are a few ways to check and see if you have slacked
in your Androoling.
You might be a
lackluster Androoler if...