to Listen to
"Joy to the World"
Hello! Welcome to our first holiday issue of this year. We hope you enjoy it. We're planning a future newsletter dedicated to the (in)famous light bulb joke. So if you have an amusing way to answer the question "How many Androolers does it take to screw in a light bulb?" email Jenni. Beyond simply answering the question we'd like to describe who all is present for the Light Bulb Changing. So if you have an idea of who should be there send us something like this:
JenniAnn's there because she may want to write a top ten about changing the light bulb later.
Vincent's there because he fears Andrew may be the one to change the light bulb and if it in any way involves a toolbelt he should probably be there to catch JenniAnn and any other swooning Androoler.
If you have questions let me know. I just think it'd be cool to have a newsletter with lots of input from you, the members. Thanks and happy holidays! Enjoy!
JABB's 24 hour home shopping network is up and running again, featuring the still stunning name: JABB-The Home Shopping Network. Two years ago we brought you some wonderful gifts, the response was wonderful! So this year we are presenting you with even more gifts for the Androolers in your lives (or the people you just *really* want to annoy).
Adam's Turkeyless "Turkey"- Are you sick of the senseless murder of precious turkeys? But you're stuck with holiday meal duty? Have we got a solution for you! Order one of Adam's famous "birds" and serve your family with a clear conscience! Comes in 10 lb., 15 lb., and 25 lb.
A Very Andrew Holiday CD, Part 2- The first edition of this must-have holiday CD went double platinum last year. Here's more great music from JenniAnn, Audrey, and Chiwawa, now with the amazing vocal stylings of Vincent! You'll find yourself singing along with Audrey and JenniAnn to "Hark, the Herald Angel is Pretty Cute" and "Silent Saturday Night?? Where the Heck is TBAA?". Those of you less exuberant members can commiserate with Vincent as he sings "Up On the Housetop is Where I'll Be Hiding from the Drooling Mob *in* the House."
Special Edition Andrew Cell Phone- Not only does this beautiful cell phone feature a picture of Andrew but it also comes with your speed dial set for Andrew's office in Dyeland. But here's the best part... Every time you get a phone call your cell phone's "ring" will be replaced by either Andrew's prayer on the stairs from "The Journalist" or the Ultimate Reality speech from "My Dinner with Andrew!" How awesome will you be with this stylish, classy phone?
A Christmas with Andrew Video- This cinematic masterpiece was lovingly filmed by Audrey and JenniAnn over the last couple years. We have compiled some stunning videos and photos of Andrew preparing for the holiday season at Dyeland. This video was filmed using some rather technical, spy-like devices (the ol' camera in eyeglasses!) so Andrew doesn't actually know this exists. We'd appreciate that if you purchase this you never let him find the video. We'd rather he not know we, uh, stalked him.
The History of Dyeland CD-ROM- The history buff in your family will "dye" for this stunning virtual tour of Dyeland and its history. This CD-ROM features archival footage of Andrew delivering his Inaugural Address and State of the Union. Thanks to Chiwawa it also features video of John's first reaction when he found out there was an entire world named after him. For those of you more interested in the governmental aspects, this CD-ROM allows you to take a step-by-step look at how the electoral and impeachment processes work in Dyeland!
Gag T-shirts- Not everyone can fully appreciate Andrew like we do. For these people we are offering T-shirts with the following slogans: "My Mom/Sister/Friend Lives in a Delusional World and All I Get is this Shirt," "Friends Don't Let Friends Drive Drooling," and "I'm with Obsessive" (with a delightful arrow underneath the print).
The Scissush!- It's a wonderful new invention. A combination hair brush with built in scissors for those spur of the moment decisions to cut one's hair without telling anybody. It comes in any color you so choose and can be operated by almost anyone (with hands). Batteries not included nor required.
The New and Improved Toolbelt- This items comes attached to a pair of pants so that you shalt not have to hunt for the toolbelt nor spend hours looking for those misplaced pants. Pants not included. Pants also not recommended. :)
CHIWAWA: The Plush Toy- Have you spent hours gawking over our beloved mascot?! Here's your chance to get your own soft, furry version! He comes with removable toolbelt and a pair of scissors should you wish to reclaim John's hair. Order now! Offer void where Kiwi's reside.
After six years it's understandable if your obsession with Andrew and John has seen its share of ups and downs. However, we at JABB feel it's still important to check in with the Androoling component of your personality. Here are a few ways to check and see if you have slacked in your Androoling.
You might be a lackluster Androoler if...