Hi all,

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks in my inner circle.  When I was little, my siblings and I were pretty spoiled with a big backyard with two swing sets and a jungle gym and, sometimes, a sandbox and tent and small pool.  Because of that, ours was the house to hang out at for the neighbor kids.  So we spent a lot of time with them.  One of those now grown kids, who became one of my brother's closest friends, had a major health crisis and things are not looking very good.  So I'm heartbroken for his family and my brother and all the friends and just in a bit of a weird headspace.  So this newsletter is a little rough around the edges.  I'll probably do some further editing later in the week.  And I had more for the Q and A but I forgot what it was.  So... I might add more to that later.  We'll see.

Anyway, I really hope you're all doing well.  Hug your friends if you can.

God bless,
Jenni

ETA- Yeah, it's Halloween and I'm back with additional stuff.  A random documentary about witches on YT reminded me of more stuff I meant to include so yay!  And also I completely spaced the intro I'd wanted to put before the story so now that's included, too. 



An All Saints and All Souls Q and A

 1.  Do you think the apostles and co. ever get jealous of Joshua's relationship with the Friends and how it's seemingly a lot easier than their time with him?

I think it's reasonable and understandable if they sometimes feel a twinge of something like jealousy when they see Joshua, say, dancing with the kids in the Willowveil ballroom during a holiday party.  But I think that's more stemming from the fact that Joshua's been around long enough to see those kids grow up whereas they only had three precious years with him.  But, generally, I think they're like loving grandparents who are glad their kids and grandkids have it easier than they did... in a manner.  I'm sure there are things the apostles don't envy at all.  There's no evidence demons ever infiltrated their dreams.  That happened to the Friends.  But, still, Joshua is able to spend more free time with the Friends and doesn't haven't to be constantly mission-focused and that's really nice.  It woulda been really nice if the Twelve and their families had had that time with him.

Maybe this is naivete on my part but I think it's also possible that the disciples remain more comfortable with their time than ours even with all our modern benefits.  People tend to idealize the past and say things are so much worse now than in the past.  But I just don't think that's reality.  However, I do think humans in general cleave to what they know.  If I could be transported 2,000 years into the future, there would probably be so many advancements that I would find amazingly impressive.  But there would probably also be new horrors that I just couldn't cope with.  I think it's very possible that I'd be begging to come back to now just because it's the devil I know.  And I think it's possible the disciples are the same.  I think they can cope just fine with being in the modern world because they're in resurrected, immortal bodies.  But they may know that if they were living mortal lives right now, they'd be very, very stressed.

So, in short, I think they feel bittersweet twinges but if asked to switch places with a Friend, I don't think any of them would. 

2.  Are there any supernatural/paranormal topics you wouldn't touch?

I don't really find alien stuff that interesting so you can pretty well count that out.  Unless, of course, I have an actual alien experience that I need to deal with.  ;-)  I believe it's highly possible aliens exist.  But really the only alien encounter tale that I've ever really felt engaged with is Mary Doria Russell's The Sparrow and I will never be able to touch the gut-wrenching resonance of that.  (I will say that I'm saving C.S. Lewis' The Space Triology for a rainy day but suspect I will love it.) 

I would also avoid anything satanic panic adjacent.  I lived through the tail end of that in real life and I just don't see any benefit to perpetuating the myths that ran it.  I'm totally fine with incorporating demons.  And I fully acknowledge that there are people out there doing demonic stuff... but the hard truth is I think they're more likely to be the pastor molesting kids than the goth stoner who just feels isolated.  I also don't like giving credence to the "devil made me do it" excuse.  As a Christian, I believe demons exist and I believe they sometimes hold sway over people.  But I don't believe they can make people do something that they weren't already inclined to do.  And as an epileptic, I'm naturally cautious of possession tales.  Do I believe demonic possession is possible?  Sure.  But I also think humans are too eager to apply supernatural meaning to rare biological and neurological issues even in this modern age.  There's a medical saying "think horses, not zebras."  It doesn't mean that zebras (extremely rare medical conditions) don't exist.  But it means that when making a diagnosis, the odds are you're looking at a horse (mundane medical condition).  I think my possession-related twist on that would be "think zebras, not demons."  Anti-NMDA receptor encephalitis seems to be pretty rare (thank God).  But I believe it's still more common than The Exorcist-like possession.  So I'm unlikely to do anything that would perpetuate that particular cultural obsession.

And while we're on the subject of demons...  They can't have sex.  Neither angels nor fallen angels can have sex.  I sometimes forget how weirdly sexual both the satanic panic and the assorted witch trials got.  And I'm just not going there.  My issues with the Catholic Church aside, I'm still writing from a pretty Catholic worldview and that means angels/demons = no sex.  The parts are there.  I decided that had to be the case given TBAA showed some examples of angels in prolonged hospital stays and someone is definitely gonna notice if they never use the bathroom... not to mention the assorted jobs requiring drug testing.  But they don't work in the sexual way.  So no one is going to be seeing a modern day Goody Proctor cavorting with the Devil.  That would be pointless and a waste of everyone's time.  Demons can absolutely use sex as a means of control and/or demoralization a la the Nephilim running what amounts to a breeding cult in "Shadowlands" or Iggy tormenting Ed by making him believe his actions led to the marital rape of a young girl (that likely would have happened regardless, sadly).  But it's always going to be indirect.  Because I've just never seen anyone give a clear reason on why, by falling, demons are suddenly capable of sex.  It just plain doesn't make sense to me.  And then there's the whole succubi and incubi myth which also doesn't make a lick of sense to me.  Like I get that it's probably a result of ancient people trying to make sense of night terrors and sleep paralysis.  But the "theology" behind it is nonsensical.  Why would God have created angels with the ability to have sex, though not the ability to procreate, if they weren't supposed to have sex?  It'd be like giving humans wings but then saying we're forbidden from flying.  So it either had to be that both angels and demons could have sex or none could.  And the latter seemed more in line with TBAA, my personal beliefs, and what I set out to do (write a family drama with a romance at the center that wouldn't revolve around sex.)

Obviously, I made an exception with Ed but only for the fleeting, mortal, human life he's currently living.  He couldn't have sex when he was an angel or a demon and one day he won't again.  But given he and Steve were spun-off from two human characters who had to get past some internalized homophobia and toxic masculinity, it felt icky to put them in a sexless relationship.  Don't get me wrong, a relationship is still absolutely legitimate without sex (see Andrew and JenniAnn).  But just because of who Edward and Stede were in Our Flags Means Death, the usual non-sexual angel/human pairing rules felt wrong.  Plus, there is a larger reason Ed has to experience both angelic and human life.

I also probably will never truly delve into psychic powers.  Spiritualism is one of my special interests but more because of the sociological and psychological reasons behind it, not the supernatural.  I believe people can have premonitions.  I have myself.  So I have no problem occasionally having a character seem to predict the future.  But I wouldn't have a character whose life or occupation revolved around that.  One thing I learned from studying the history of Spiritualism is there's a lot of trickery.  I'm not going to say every psychic out there is a scammer... but I am going to say that I believe most of them are.  So I don't really want to write anything that lends credence to paid psychics.  

3.  Will we ever see Sheol again?

Depends on what is meant by Sheol.  Other than Yehuda, there's not really anyone who is typically thought of as being in Hell that I care about.  I suppose it's possible that I'll write a more detailed flashback to the Harrowing of Hell (aka Sheol) at some point.  While it gets a little nitpicky, in my mind Sheol is a neutral place where, before Yeshua's death, everyone went and just kinda hung out.  And when an angel or someone of goodwill goes there, it still looks pretty nice even now.  But the people milling around there see the gray, dreary bus depot that Yehuda saw.  That's the version I don't think we'll necessarily revisit unless maybe I do a backstory on one of the demons that JenniAnn works with.  

I think the odds are better that some version of Purgatory will show up.  I think it already did, actually, as Joshua's Island in "Shadowlands."  The non-angel Friends are mortal and will eventually die.  And I actually like the idea of Purgatory as it was taught to me.  I believe it's a pleasant place where we go to sort through any lingering trauma and angst that we collected during our lifetime.  The Romantic in me just really struggles with the idea that everything that bothered me is just gonna magically get swept away as I'm ushered into Heaven.  There are just some things I'd really like to talk to someone about.  I hope I can keep writing long enough that, eventually, we start to see the Friends having those discussions with Joshua or whomever and then making the transition to Heaven. 




The following is a companion piece to "Mysterious Ways" so it may make more sense to read that first if you've not.

And the missing intro...  I guess just because of everything going on, I've been feeling nostalgic.  And Vincent was one of my earliest "comfort characters."  I've been starting to wish that I had done more to incorporate him over the years.  The arc of going from the romantic hero that everyone frets about to the dad-figure who is doing the fretting really interests me.  And Halloween was a special time for Vincent since it was the only day of the year when he could go Above without anyone paying him much mind.  So Halloween seemed like a good occasion for a little Vincent introspection.    I think he's always been pro-Andrew and JenniAnn/Psyche but that didn't mean he didn't have concerns.  So here we have him thinking about them over the course of two Halloweens. 

Through Vincent's Eyes
October 31, 2011

Vincent wasn't entirely sure when he'd first noticed the change.  But he'd been having fleeting thoughts for some time upon noting a pensive look here and there, a stray touch, a hand dragged through the hair.

That Andrew loved Psyche was a well-established fact.  Andrew loved everyone, after all.  And that Andrew felt a particularly strong love for his friends was obvious.  Perhaps less obvious was a streak of desperation that Vincent only fully understood upon meeting Monica and Tess.  Andrew's affection for them and theirs for him couldn't be denied.  But there was a distance there that, no doubt, had contributed to the intensity with which Andrew loved the friends who accepted him, wholly, for who he was.  But he was an angel and that imposed certain limits.

It had broken Vincent's heart to know that his Psyche, his child in all ways but blood, was hopelessly in love with someone who could never be in love with her.

But maybe that had all been a failure not of love but of language.

When Vincent really thought about it, it didn't seem to be enough to say that he was in love with Catherine.  If you could be in love then you could also be out of love.  And he simply couldn't.  From the moment he had seen her, Vincent had loved Catherine in a way that consumed him.  There would be no after.  He knew he would love her until his last breath and, he hoped, beyond.  

So, no, Andrew wasn't in love with Psyche because that assumed the possibility of a future in which he was out of love with her.  Vincent was increasingly convinced that whatever Andrew felt for Psyche, it was unyielding and unique.

It was that last point that Vincent had been most resistant to.  But there was no longer any denying it.  Truth be told, it had been hard to deny for the past couple of years, ever since Psyche's and Eliot's ill-fated dalliance.  

The parallels to a tortured chapter in his and Catherine's life together were uncanny.  She, too, had once thought herself in love with an Elliot.  It had been a relationship that had all but promised children, social standing, and endless comfort.  And Vincent had put on a brave face, he'd tried to be happy for her.  He'd been encouraging, even.  But, in truth, he had been heartbroken.  

And then he'd watched Andrew perform the same sad, lonely dance.  Vincent wandered if he, too, had cried himself to sleep... if he'd clung to a pillow and allowed himself to imagine it was her... if he'd tortured himself with mental images of the wedding, the honeymoon, the babies.  

But, like Catherine before her, Psyche had ended the relationship and returned.  

And Vincent had noticed how the tense lines in Andrew's face had relaxed... how his laughter became freer... how the hands that had once hung, balled up, at his sides had reached for Psyche's.  

Seeing them together that night, on All Hallow's Eve, had sealed it.  They'd both danced with several people and seemed happy to do so.  But when they'd danced together...  To everyone else it may have just looked like two friends enjoying each other's company.  But to a father's keen eyes, it was obviously something more.

Vincent had noticed how often Andrew's lips had grazed Psyche's forehead.  He'd seen how when Andrew's hands had rested on Psyche's hips, his thumbs had moved in almost imperceptible circles, caressing her sides.  For her part, Psyche had routinely paused whatever she was doing to stroke some hair behind the angel's ears.  And when Amy and Hareton had announced they were expecting, Psyche had clasped one of Andrew's hands and brought it to her lips.

Frankly, if Vincent didn't know that Andrew was an angel and that his Psyche was asexual, he would have been double-checking with Catherine to ensure she'd had "the talk" with Psyche.  She was still so naive in so many ways.

For all Vincent's concerns about their future, he knew Andrew would never prey on Psyche's naivete.  He would never pressure her, never manipulate her.  

Suddenly, an arm slung around Vincent's shoulders.

"So you think they think they're fooling anyone?"

Vincent turned to smile at Owen.

"So I'm not the only one to have noticed things have... progressed?"

The artist shook his head.

"Next thing you know, they'll be registered at Macy's."

Vincent's eye brows rose.

"As in... moving in together?"

Owen shrugged.

"I mean... their houses are already connected by a tunnel.  And now God's gone and dropped a kid on them."

"A kid?  Shelby?"

Owen tilted his head.

"Okay, a second kid."  He waved towards the newcomer, the young-looking brunette who had announced herself as Andrew's protege.

"Violeta?  She seems very mature, very accomplished."

Owen took a sip of his cider then narrowed his eyes at Vincent.

"You really buy that?  You're a teacher... and a dad.  Look again."

Vincent gazed across the yard at the angel.  She really had seemed so confident... maybe even a touch conceited... when Andrew had introduced her.  But now she looked nervous and she kept glancing over at the children playing.  Yes, there was definitely a look of longing.  She wanted to go bob for apples and carve pumpkins.  Seeing her like that, she reminded Vincent of his Psyche when she was a pre-teen... caught between the desire to be grown-up and to remain a child.

"I know they can't lie but they can get really creative with the truth.  That girl is probably sixteen and basing her age off of some universe where houseflies created a calendar."   Owen chuckled at the idea.

Vincent smiled.  It was definitely possible.  So then what did that mean?  He knew Psyche wanted children.  But an angel in an adult body... even if she was only a teenager as Owen guessed?  And even Shelby...  She'd been so small when he had suggested Psyche take her to Willowveil to recover from some respiratory issues.  And Vincent knew both Psyche and Andrew adored her.  But was that enough for a girl who had carried around a baby doll much longer than her cohorts had?

Vincent shook his head.  He was beginning down the same spiral he had fallen into during the early years with Catherine.  He beamed as he looked across the yard to where his wife was helping Jacob paint a gourd.  Their journey to parenthood had been, in turns, heartbreaking and healing and always unpredictable.  But they were happy.  They were fulfilled.  

Owen patted Vincent's arm.

"I wouldn't worry about Andrew and Psyche.  Whatever they are to each other, they'll figure it out.  And it's like you always say... Halloween is the night when the walls between the worlds grow thin.  For right now, angel/human, mortal/immortal, spinster tutor/baseball player..."  Owen paused to chuckle at Andrew's and Psyche's incongruent costumes.  "It doesn't matter.  And maybe, for them..." Owen waved to the dancing couple.  "It never will."

Vincent rested his hand over Owen's and smiled.

"No... maybe it won't," he agreed.

Owen drank the last of his cider.

"I need a refill.  You want anything?"

"I'll take some cider, thank you.  I need to head over to the bonfire.  I'm due to tell spooky tales over there soon."

"Perfect.  See you over there in a bit."

"Yes.  Thank you again."

"Welcome!" Owen shouted over his shoulder as he trotted away.

Vincent smiled after him then turned back to Andrew and Psyche who had parted so the former could speak to his new protege.  Vincent peered up at the stars and whispered a prayer.

"Let them be happy.  Let them have peace.  Please."

Then, with a wistful sigh, he headed towards the bonfire.
*~*~*
October 31, 2025

Vincent stood, warming himself by the bonfire, and surveying the crowd.  So many more people came to the Halloween parties at Willowveil these days!  It brought him joy to see his people mingling with the Friends and the Asterians and the El-Chananites.  And there, at the center of it all, was his Psyche and her Andrew.  He smiled wistfully as he thought of another night fourteen years past.  How much had changed... and how much had remained the same.  Psyche was, once again, dressed as Jane Eyre.  But now Andrew was her Mr. Rochester... sans insane wife in the attic, thankfully.  Their attic... shared... was home only to Marty.  But still she brushed stray hair behind his ears and kissed his hands.  Still his lips brushed her forehead and his hands caressed her sides as they danced.

In the intervening years, Owen had been proven right.  They had figured out who they were to each other: anam caras.  And they had built a life and a home and a family together.  There had been challenges, of course.  But they were truly happy.  

God had answered his prayer.

"Split a caramel apple with me?"

Vincent turned away from the fire to find Joshua holding a plate with a cored apple and generous dollops of caramel and whipped cream along with crushed peanuts.  He beamed and nodded.

"I would be delighted."

"Great!"

The two sat down on a nearby bench and dug into their messy but delicious treat.

"You were admiring Andrew and JenniAnn," Joshua observed after a bite.

Vincent nodded as he chewed.

"Yes.  And remembering when I wasn't sure what would become of them.  It seemed hopeless in some ways and yet... you made a way for them."

Joshua's eyes misted.

"They were mine before they were anyone else's.  I wanted happiness and peace for them, too, Vincent.  And... I'm proud of you for being there for them.  You and Catherine both.  You provided an example for making a way outside of what society deems appropriate."

"Thank you.  If I had truly known you then... I wouldn't have worried as I did."

"I know."  Joshua hugged Vincent's shoulders.  "And I understand.  She's your little girl."

"In all ways but blood."

Joshua shrugged.

"Blood doesn't make a dad.  Love does."

Vincent smiled tenderly as he followed Joshua's gaze to where Maryam and Yosef were dancing.  Then he looked back to the man who was father to them all.

"Very true," he agreed.  

The two sat in companionable silence, finishing their apple.

Catherine approached holding a wet wipe out to each of them.

"I saw Joshua with that plate and thought that was risky business for two men with prominent facial hair," she teased.

Laughing, the two made an effort to clean themselves up then accepted Catherine's help.

"Now... I hate to interrupt but I would like a few dances with my husband.  And, Joshua, I think Salma wouldn't mind a turn or two around the dance floor."

"Happily!  And thanks for the help... and the chat."  Joshua hugged the two then headed towards the dance floor.

Vincent offered Catherine his arm then kissed her hair.

"Anything I should know about?" Catherine asked.  "That looked serious at points."

Vincent shook his head.

"We were just talking about Andrew and Psyche... and how concerned I used to be."

Catherine squeezed his arm.

"We both were.  But now they're happy."

"Very."  Vincent smiled over at the couple before stepping onto the dance floor with his wife.  As they waltzed, Vincent couldn't help but notice the little Friends, his grandchildren included, on the outskirts of the floor, attempting to waltz.  "I do wonder what their futures will bring."

Catherine smiled.

"I do, too.  But for right now..."  She gently gripped her husband's chin and turned him to face her.  "Let's focus on right now."

Vincent returned her smile and tightened his hold of her.

"Happily."
The End



This newsletter is dedicated to John Dye for all the comfort I still draw from his portrayal of Andrew, both within the confines of TBAA and also how it inspired the stories that I continue to escape to sometimes when I need it.

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(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from Touched by an Angel and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions.  They are not being used to seek profit.)