Hi all,
I have a busy few weeks ahead of me and so I decided to put
up my Halloween decorations yesterday. My house looks
nice and festive but everything hurts. Ha. So
I'm gonna give myself a break and send the opening of
"Shooting Star," the story I wrote while taking a necessary
break from "The Prodigal." I don't usually do this
when I'm just hours away from posting the full story but
needs must.
Also... an announcement! For those of you in the
States (and possibly elsewhere, I'm not sure), all nine
seasons of Touched by an Angel are available on
Netflix. I haven't watched any yet but it's good to
know they're there!
Anyway, have a good week!
God bless,
Jenni
Shooting Star
Thursday, June 26th, 2025
He should have stayed Home. Andrew knew that. And
yet... he'd been drawn back.
He stood beneath a tree, hiding in its shadows. He knew he
didn't need to. No one could see him. But it felt
right. He felt like the tree. A silent witness to
change, good and bad. He wished he didn't feel like it had
been mostly bad lately.
Andrew blinked back tears as the sad procession left the
house. He stared at the covered stretcher, at the
tell-tale bump at its center.
His assignment, Cassie, had been six months pregnant. She
had been on the verge of leaving her abusive husband when she'd
discovered she was pregnant. She had been ready to support
herself... but not a baby, too. And she'd had no other
options. Politicians had taken those away from her.
And so she had stayed. And so she had been beaten to
death, her baby dying with her.
Andrew stood rooted where he was for several minutes after the
ambulance left. He watched CSI do their job and then,
finally, they locked down the scene and left, too.
Only then did Andrew leave his spot. He walked up the same
driveway he had used only hours before. But now there was
only silence, no bellowing or anguished cries.
Andrew stared at the house that had once been the site of hopes
and dreams but had become a prison of anger and fear.
He briefly set his hand on a little stone angel that Cassie had
bought years before. Then he turned away and disappeared.
*~*~*
His Laja looked so peaceful.
Andrew stood a couple of feet away from their bed and studied
her for a few moments.
JenniAnn was turned towards his side of the bed, her hand
resting where his chest would be. Andrew
understood. On the rare occasions he slept alone, he
found himself hugging a pillow to his chest. A phantom
Laja.
That was one of the many things Andrew didn't understand about
people who hurt their significant others. Didn't they
realize they were shredding the fabric of their lives?
He'd talked to Adam about it. But Adam had told him he
was comparing apples and oranges. He and JenniAnn had a
healthy, thriving, affectionate relationship. Not every
couple did. Heck, not even every healthy couple was
quite so bound up in each other. And Andrew knew that
was true, of course. He just couldn't fathom it and he'd
told Adam as much.
"Because they take it for granted, buddy. A lot of them
grow up thinking they're just owed a wife, plopped down in
front of them. You? You spent hundreds of
thousands of years helping, helping, helping and I think it
genuinely shocked you when you realized someone was out there
who thinks making your life better is one of the core reasons
for her existence... and it's not even an obligation.
She thrives on it. And I think, on some level, that
still shocks you. And it will probably never stop
shocking you. You'll never take JenniAnn for granted
because, frankly, I don't think you'll ever stop being in awe
of her. It'd be great if every partnered up person felt
the same. But they just don't. Stop trying to
understand them. Please."
Andrew knew Adam was right. Of course he was. But
still the questions and comparisons gnawed at him. How
could he not think of her on the day of their blessing
ceremony? How could he not remember the love and trust
and joy and desire in her eyes? And how he had felt all
those things, too? How could anyone systematically
destroy all that in someone they were supposed to love and
cherish?
JenniAnn stirred then blinked awake. She smiled when her
eyes landed on Andrew but the smile faded when she saw how
unwell he looked.
"Love? What's wrong?"
Andrew shook his head.
"Nothing. I'm fine. I was just thinking. Let
me... I'm just going to take a shower and then... then I'll
join you."
"Are you sure? Do you want me to come with you?
You look... unsteady."
Andrew forced a smile.
"Just tired. I'll be right back. Promise."
"All right..."
JenniAnn laid in bed and listened to the sound of the
water. She breathed a sigh of relief when it turned off
and, soon, Andrew was getting into bed.
"Tough assignment?" she asked as she snuggled him.
Andrew nodded.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Maybe tomorrow. Right now... I just want..."
Andrew snuggled closer.
"I just want to lay with you... be with you... and sleep."
JenniAnn kissed his forehead.
"Sounds like a plan. G'night, love."
Andrew brought her right hand to his lips.
"G'night, Laja. I love you."
"I love you, too."
Andrew smiled wearily at her then closed his eyes, hoping for
a dreamless sleep.
When JenniAnn awoke in the morning, she spent a few moments
studying Andrew as he slept. He looked better. And
she figured he must have slept soundly because he likely would
have woken her up otherwise. Gently, she stroked the
patch of gray at his temple. It had been a long time
since she'd been able to ignore the repercussions of his
choice. His increased reliance on glasses had been the
first clue. Then the graying hair. Fine lines on
his face that hadn't been there before. His joints
popping when he got up for the first time in the morning,
sometimes accompanied by a soft groan.
"Worth it," he would say before winking and kissing her.
And JenniAnn didn't doubt that. Even taking herself out
of the equation, Andrew adored being a dad and grandpa.
And he was so good at it! Of course, he was so good at
being an angel, too. Both were important and he could
never stop being either. But JenniAnn did wonder if, at
some point, the balance had gotten out of whack. Maybe
she needed to talk to Joshua about it...
But right now, she wanted to make breakfast in bed for
Andrew. He deserved that and so much more.
*~*~*
By the time JenniAnn was removing the last of the pancakes
from the griddle, she'd been joined by all four of the kids
and Marty.
And no Andrew.
The entire point had been to bring Andrew breakfast in bed but
that so seldom worked out. Inevitably, Andrew woke up
and insisted on helping. JenniAnn could count on one
hand the number of times in twenty five years that she'd
actually succeeded in surprising him.
Apparently this was one of those times. JenniAnn was
pleased... but also worried.
Marty handed her a tray.
"You can head on up. I'll manage things down here.
If you're not back in an hour, perhaps the children and I
could go on a nature walk?"
"Oh, that sounds lovely! Yes, thanks. If Andrew's
up to it, we'll join you. If not... the quiet will do us
some good, I think."
Marty squeezed JenniAnn's hand then nodded before grabbing a
can of whipped cream and turning to the kids.
"Who is ready for smiley pancakes?"
JenniAnn smiled as the kids, even Shelby and Violeta, shrieked
with glee. She could still hear them laughing and
carrying on as she made her way up the steps with the tray.
Once inside, she found Andrew still asleep. Frowning,
JenniAnn set the tray down on her bedside table then got back
into bed. She glanced at the clock. 8:02.
She couldn't remember the last time Andrew had slept in so
late.
JenniAnn was still debating what to do when Andrew gasped and
his eyes shot open.
"Love... love, what is it?" JenniAnn asked with concern,
grabbing a flailing hand and holding it to her chest.
Andrew blinked at her then shook his head.
"Nothing... sorry. Nightmare." He sniffed the air.
"I brought you breakfast. Pancakes and sausage and
fruit."
Andrew smiled.
"Sounds good. What time is it?"
"A little after 8:00," JenniAnn replied as she moved the tray
to the bed.
"Wow."
JenniAnn rested a hand on his forehead.
"Are you feeling okay?"
Andrew nodded.
"Just... burning the candle at both ends lately, I
guess. But yeah. And this will help." Andrew
held up his mug of coffee and smiled. "Thank you."
His eyes looked upward. "And You."
JenniAnn returned his smile.
"Amen."
Andrew dug into his breakfast while JenniAnn picked at hers.
"Did you want to talk about your nightmare?"
Andrew shook his head.
"Don't actually remember much. Just that it was a
nightmare. I was running. Not even sure if it was
from something or to something."
"Oh. Okay. Do you have any assignments today?"
"Not til 4:07. And I shouldn't be gone long."
"Oh good. Marty suggested a nature walk in about 45
minutes or so. I thought that might be nice? Clear
your head?" JenniAnn stroked Andrew's hair as she spoke.
"Are you going?"
"If you do."
Andrew smiled and squeezed her hands.
"Let's do it."
Relieved, JenniAnn hugged him.
"Good."
Andrew bumped his shoulder against hers then kissed her.
JenniAnn sighed with contentment. For now, everything
was fine.
*~*~*
Later in the morning, the household, along with Max and Rose
and their kids and Mallory and Evie, set out on their nature
walk.
Several times, JenniAnn pulled her gaze away from the flowers
and creatures and critters to glance at Andrew. Each
time he was smiling, sometimes with a child in his arms,
sometimes stooping down to point an interesting bug or flower
out to the little ones.
"He seems to be doing all right," Marty observed as he walked
beside JenniAnn.
"You think?"
"'Seems' is doing some heavy lifting, I'm afraid."
JenniAnn sighed.
"Exactly. I'm considering talking to Joshua but not sure
it's my place. But... it just seems like, increasingly
often, he's coming home from assignments completely
deflated. Sometimes he'll talk about it. Sometimes
he won't."
"I think if you talk to Joshua about it, Andrew should be with
you," Marty advised. "Whatever is going on, he needs to
be in on the solution."
"True..."
Marty's pace quickened to put a little more distance between
the two of them and the kids. JenniAnn hastened to keep
up.
"I'm concerned," he confessed. "Andrew is
struggling. We both know it. But it can be easy to
reassure ourselves that he's fine... it was just a bad day...
because he comes back here, he spends time with you and the
kids, and he improves. But then the cycle repeats."
JenniAnn blinked back tears.
"I know... but I don't know what to do about it."
"I think, for starters, you need to talk to your
cousins. To Catherine and Vincent."
"Catherine and Vincent, why?"
"You know the old saying... women marry men like their
fathers... or, more accurately, you bound yourself to an angel
who bears some uncanny resemblances to your godfather."
JenniAnn looked back at Andrew who was walking with Avi on his
shoulders. She thought of Vincent. There had been
a period of time when she was very small when she knew he had
struggled with... something. Father had been convinced
that it was due to his unique condition. But from what
she'd been able to piece together, JenniAnn thought it sounded
like devastatingly ordinary depression.
"Do... do you think Andrew is depressed?"
"I... don't know. But it's crossed my mind." Marty
squeezed JenniAnn's hand. "It would be different for
him. For angels. It's not necessarily a brain
chemistry issue... although I suppose his history with TBI
could figure in."
"I have read that the incidence of depression among people who
have had a traumatic brain injury is something like two
thirds... I just didn't think it applied since Raphael
healed him."
"It's unclear to me whether it was a full healing or a healing
of the immediate symptoms. I also... I think the TBI may
be a red herring, JenniAnn. I think..." Marty frowned,
unsure if he should continue.
"You think this has happened before," JenniAnn finished for
him. "Long before Afghanistan even."
"Yes, how did you..."
JenniAnn let out a shaky sigh.
"Cause the thought crossed my mind, too. That last year
with Monica, Tess, and Gloria... there were points when I was
really concerned. But I was only what?
Twenty? Twenty one, I guess? My own mental health
was... not great. So I thought I was projecting but..."
Marty looped an arm around her waist.
"I don't believe you were. I was pulling for you both
then."
JenniAnn smiled at him.
"This time around, I'm glad you're physically with us,
Marty. It just helps to have another adult in the
house. I mean... Shel and Violeta are of course.
But..."
"But they're your children. And you're right to protect
them. You have my listening ears. Always."
"Mama! Butterfly!"
Marty and JenniAnn turned around to see Belle pointing at a
monarch perched on a flower.
"Oh, isn't it beautiful? Thanks for telling me, Belle."
Belle smiled proudly and took her mother's hand once she was
near enough.
"So pretty... I want to be a butterfly for Halloween."
Andrew chuckled.
"Already thinking about Halloween, little elf?"
"Yup! Just four months away, Daddy!"
"You know, I've heard of something called Summerween," Marty
shared. "People carve watermelons and make potions out
of juices and ices among other things."
"Summerween!" Belle shrieked. "I wanna do
Summerween! Can we, Mama and Daddy?"
Before Andrew and JenniAnn could reply, Marty resumed
speaking.
"I would be very happy to host a Summerween party.
Tomorrow evening, perhaps?" He looked to Andrew and
JenniAnn. "You could participate... or have an evening
to yourselves?"
Andrew took JenniAnn's hand.
"Sounds like fun. We could stop in and then maybe..."
JenniAnn smiled at him and nodded.
"We'll be around then maybe retire early to the cabin?" she
suggested.
"We'll help!" Shelby offered on behalf of Violeta.
"Are we going to invite other people?" Violeta asked.
"It's short notice but I see no reason not to invite the
Friends. I'll message the group text." Marty
withdrew an ancient-looking phone from his pocket.
"There. Sent. Now, let's finish making our way to
the coast and then back, hmm? We have a lot of planning
to do."
Now more excited by the notion of Summerween than a nature
walk, the kids scrambled ahead, eager to get to the shore so
they could get back to the castle to plan.
"Not what I intended," Marty mumbled.
JenniAnn laughed.
"It'll be good for them to burn up some energy."
"Do you need me to run to the store for anything?" Andrew
offered. "I'm free until 4:00."
Marty gave an adamant shake of his head.
"It's my idea and my responsibility. You and JenniAnn
are to do nothing but show up for however long you'd
like." Marty glanced at his phone. "I'm already
getting messages from people about bringing things."
"And I'm happy to help with food prep or whatever.
Marty's right. You and JenniAnn plan and pull together
so many of ours parties. You should relax," Mallory
encouraged.
"Absolutely. I don't have any more clients until Monday
so I'm all in. How about you?" Max asked Rose.
"Happily! I know summer's only just begun but I'm
already craving autumn so this is perfect. Just a few
days ago I saw these super cute dipped strawberries that
looked like ghosts. I definitely want to do those... and
make iced pumpkin spiced lattes."
Marty had abandoned his phone in favor of a small notebook
where he began jotting ideas.
As the group continued, JenniAnn felt a little sorry to not be
involved. But when she saw the wistful, distant look on
Andrew's face as he watched the kids running ahead, she was
glad for the opportunity to be alone with him and without
distractions.
"You doing okay, love?" JenniAnn checked as she wrapped an arm
around the angel's waist.
Andrew snapped out of his reverie and nodded.
"Yeah. Doing good. Just... sometimes can't believe
none of them are babies any more."
"I know... but they still need us just as much. Just in
other ways. And they won't be leaving us any time soon,
I'm sure. We've still got the twenty eight year old,
after all."
Andrew chuckled.
"True..." He heaved a sigh then brought one of
JenniAnn's hands to his lips. "Sorry for being a downer
lately."
"Andrew... no. You're not a downer. You're just a
realist who sees a lot."
The angel nodded.
"Yeah, well... thanks for listening and being there just the
same."
"Always, Andrew." JenniAnn stretched up to kiss
him.
Andrew smiled after as she wiped some lip gloss away from the
corner of his mouth.
"Thanks. Let's hurry up a bit, hmm?" he suggested.
"I don't want the kids at the shore on their own."
"Good point," Marty agreed.
The adults quickened their pace with Andrew and JenniAnn
remaining hand-in-hand.
Once they reached the shore, the kids happily played in the
sand for a few minutes then it was another race back to the
castle so their Summerween planning could begin in
earnest. It was on the return that JenniAnn noticed
Andrew's energy waning.
"Maybe a nap before lunch?" she suggested as they reached
Willowveil's steps.
"I feel like I just got out of bed but... yes, please."
"Not sure I'm up for sleeping but I could definitely do with a
lie-down." JenniAnn laughed. "My hips are very
much protesting that run."
"Ooh. Then we'll be able to surprise you with all of our
Summerween stuff," Violeta realized.
"Yeah! So stay out of the ballroom, please.
Tonight, too. Dance in your bedroom if you have to,"
Shelby teased.
Andrew chuckled before responding.
"Noted. We'll see you all at lunch... in the dining
room, NOT the ballroom."
With that, Andrew and JenniAnn excused themselves and returned
to their room.
"Not sure why I'm so tired." Andrew yawned.
"You've had a lot going on, love. And that was more
running than I was prepared for."
"Do you want a massage?" the angel offered.
"Oh no! You should rest. I'm definitely
fine. Just... getting older."
Andrew winced slightly as he settled into the bed.
"You and me both... Which I don't regret even a little,"
he hastened to add when he saw her expression begin to shift
to one of guilt. "I would take achy joints any day to be
able to do this."
JenniAnn caressed his cheek as he kissed her.
"I love you so much, Andrew," she murmured.
"And I love you, too, Laja. More... than I could ever
say." Andrew cuddled her close.
"Rest, love."
"Mmm hmm..."
Soon, Andrew was asleep.
As he slept, JenniAnn did a mental review of the past few
weeks. She tried to remember the last time she'd seen
Andrew consistently and truly happy. It was the waning
days of April, she thought... after they'd decided to make
themselves a little hide-away in the basement tunnel.
That project had given him something to look forward to,
something set apart from the wider world and yet still part of
her world.
Her world.
That, of course, was the main issue. Andrew could be
perfectly, wonderfully happy in Heaven. But she couldn't
be with him there. Not yet. So he had to find
happiness in the mortal realms. Once upon a time,
JenniAnn would have felt guilty about that. But now she
knew she was hardly the only person keeping Andrew out of
Heaven. Their kids and grandkids all needed him.
And he was a very involved Daddy and Grampy. Sometimes
JenniAnn felt a little jealous even. Her dad had never
played dolls with her. He'd seldom read to her. He
was a good provider, for sure, but she sometimes felt like
he'd left the more sentimental aspects of fatherhood to
Vincent. Andrew was both. JenniAnn knew full well
that even without a mortgage payment, she could never have
provided for five kids on her own. Most of their income
came from Andrew's carpentry and what Joshua provided.
And yet Andrew still managed to take the girls on individual
daddy-daughter dates, watch sports with Max, and go exploring
with Avi.
So, no, retreating to Heaven wasn't an answer... even if she
told him to go. Because something else had to be binding
him to Earth. After all, he hadn't retreated in the
early aughts. And that was well before kids, well before
they were everything to each other. His sense of
responsibility was just too strong. If those left behind
in the wake of his assignments couldn't go to Heaven, why
should he? To the best of her ability, JenniAnn ran
through what she knew of Andrew's assignments from those
handful of years. She remembered him telling her that
he'd sought out solace in a bar once... for fries, not booze,
of course... after one assignment left him feeling
wistful. He hadn't specified but JenniAnn had suspected
that the assignment had involved helping a 9/11 widow and her
son.
Maybe it was the state of affairs in the U.S.? The
paranoia and the clamp down on rights certainly reminded
JenniAnn of the period after 9/11. And while she knew
Andrew wasn't American, it was foolish to think he wasn't
impacted by the rising tide of fascism there. And how
could that not remind him of Nazi Germany?
JenniAnn remembered something Kylie had once said to
her. Clay had been going through a difficult spell with
war-related nightmares. And Kylie had asked her if
Andrew ever experienced the same. JenniAnn had confided
that he did though he seldom told her the actual contents of
the dreams. Kylie had patted her on the back and
sympathetically said "I'm sorry. You've basically
married a veteran of all wars."
And JenniAnn had never thought of it like that exactly.
It wasn't strictly true, of course. Andrew had been
almost entirely in Heaven for the first several millennia of
his life. But it was truer than she wanted to believe.
If he wanted, they could have a good, long talk the next
night. Maybe that would give her some answers. But
for now... JenniAnn glanced at her bedside clock.
It was nearing noon. There were kids to be fed.
JenniAnn carefully extricated herself from Andrew's embrace
then kissed his forehead before creeping out of the room and
making her way to the kitchen. She was halfway through
assembling a dozen PB&Js when she had the sense she was
not alone. Turning around, JenniAnn was surprised to
find Evie standing in the doorway.
"Hey, Evie. Can I get something for you? A glass
of milk or juice maybe? Lunch will be ready soon."
Evie shook her head.
"Can I... talk to you?"
"Of course! Let's sit down at the table."
JenniAnn hurriedly washed her hands then sat down. To
her surprise, the six-year-old climbed onto her lap.
JenniAnn frowned and smoothed her hair.
"Is everything all right, sweetpea? Do you feel
sick? Where's your mommy?"
"I feel okay. Mommy is helping Marty with
decorations. I..."
"It's all right. You can tell me anything."
"Andrew is sad," Evie blurted out.
JenniAnn frowned. She had hoped the kids hadn't noticed
but had failed to consider Evie's uncanny perception of
others' emotions.
"Yes, I'm afraid so," she confirmed. "So I'm gonna do
everything I can to help him, okay? So try not to worry
about it. Have you told Avi?"
Evie shook her head.
"No. Didn't want to make him sad, too."
JenniAnn hugged her.
"Well, if you need to talk any more about it, I'm here.
And... I think being here with us helps Andrew. I know
that doesn't mean the sadness goes away. But..."
"He loves us. And love makes you feel warm."
JenniAnn smiled.
"Exactly."
Evie grinned at her.
"Now... I better get back to those sandwiches. Would you
like to help?"
"Yeah!"
"Awesome!"
JenniAnn pulled a stool up to the counter for the little
girl. To her relief, Evie chatted about happier things
while they worked. And she was still more relieved when
Andrew appeared.
"Wow, I could get used to this. Breakfast in bed, a
walk, and then right to lunch," he jested.
Evie giggled.
"Feel better?" JenniAnn checked.
"I do, thanks. Those look good."
Evie handed him a sandwich.
"Thanks, kiddo!"
"You're welcome!"
"Evie, could you go tell everyone else?"
"Okay!"
Once Evie had run off, JenniAnn hugged Andrew.
"You sure you're okay?"
Andrew set his sandwich down on a plate so he could return her
hug.
"I'm okay. Yeah. Just... a lot of ups and
downs. But... up right now."
"Good."
When JenniAnn tilted her face upwards, the angel of death
kissed her.
"Not sure how..."
Andrew was cut off by childish shrieks.
"Calmly get your lunches and then head to the dining room,
please," Marty directed. "The kitchen is too small for
shenanigans."
"And remember..." Mallory mimed zipping her lips.
Belle giggled.
"It's gonna be so cool! That's all I'll say."
Andrew smiled at his daughter.
"I'm excited to see it." He lowered his voice and turned
back to JenniAnn. "And I'm looking forward to
afterwards..."
JenniAnn squeezed his hand.
"Me too."
Andrew squeezed her hand back then focused on getting the kids
drinks.
"How is he?" Marty whispered.
"Better. For now."
Marty patted her on the shoulder before leading the kids out
of the kitchen.
"Wanna watch the Mets tonight, Dad?" Max asked as he helped
with the drinks.
"I should be home by then." Andrew turned to face
JenniAnn.
"I'll pass," she replied with a scrunched nose. "But I'd
definitely welcome the reading time. You two deserve
some time just the two of you." Silently, JenniAnn hoped
that Andrew might confide in their eldest. "You'll know
where to find me when the game is over."
"That I do."
Feeling relieved, JenniAnn finished preparing her own plate
then they all joined the happy cacophony in the dining
room.
To be continued...
This newsletter is dedicated to John Dye
for giving me a creative outlet that, to be honest, has been
doubling as therapy for a while now.
JABB Portal
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(Photo Credits: The photographs
used on this page are from Touched by an Angel
and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline
Productions, and Moon Water Productions.
They are not being used to seek profit.)
