Hi all,

Merry Christmas!  I hope you're all staying warm and enjoying festive treats and quality time with those you hold dear!

As mentioned before, the larger Christmas story will be folded into a lengthy story I'll be working on in 2025.  Originally, I thought that whole story would be called "A Prodigal's Christmas" but, upon further reflection, it's probably akin to cruel and unusual punishment to do the kind of interpersonal relationships data dump I have in mind on one person (said prodigal) in the matter of only a few days.  So that title will probably only be a chapter or section title with the storytelling continuing over several weeks, not just over Christmastime.  Anyway, in the meantime, I wrote this little vignette.  It's more theological and surreal than what I usually do but I guess that's the mood I'm in.

Also, there's my annual Christmas play list if you're interested: Christmas 2024

Happy Holidays!

God bless,
Jenni


"How It Could've Been"

Sunday, December 22nd, 2024

Andrew sat up in bed, contentedly nibbling on some biscotti as JenniAnn poured him a second cup of coffee.  He smiled as he heard childish shrieks of delight from outside.  A half hour prior, he and JenniAnn had been woken up by their four youngest with breakfast in bed.  After ensuring everything was to their tastes, Shelby and Violeta had taken Avi and Belle outside to enjoy the recent snowfall.

"So... I know we sometimes worry about Shelby and Violeta showing no interest in leaving the nest but... you have to admit it is pretty great having adult children around," Andrew mused.

JenniAnn sniffled.

"I'm perfectly happy having all my babies in my nest, thank you very much.  Maybe some day Max and Rose and the kids will even come back for an extended stay."

Andrew chuckled and shook his head.

"But just last night you said that maybe we should be concerned!"

JenniAnn sighed and took a sip of her own coffee before responding.

"I know...  I mean, yeah, I guess it does concern me that they have no concept of bills or utilities or anything.  And Violeta at least gets to see a bit of the harder aspects of the world when she goes on assignments with you.  But I guess I do worry that one day Shel is gonna decide she needs to spread her wings and she'll go flying outta here without much lived experience of how rough things can get."

Andrew set down his coffee and wrapped an arm around JenniAnn.

"Shel's a smart young lady.  She's not gonna go making any hasty decisions.  And, to be totally honest with you, I don't think Shel is ever gonna strike out totally on her own.  We have a whole castle and she and Violeta have consistently decided to stay in the same room.  If they leave, they'll leave together."

"True...  I've had almost three months to adjust to it but... I still can't believe Shel is officially in her twenties."  JenniAnn swiped at a tear.  "Something about Christmas just makes me miss my babies.  Shel, Belle, and Avi were just so tiny...  Now one's an adult and all too quickly the others will be, too."

The angel squeezed her shoulder and pressed a kiss into JenniAnn's temple.

"Makes sense.  Christmas is about a baby, after all."  Andrew glanced at the ceiling.  "You can't help but think of that... especially when you're currently living with the perpetually 33-year-old version of said baby."

JenniAnn laughed.

"True.  Speaking of...  Maybe one of us should go check on him?  It's a little weird that the girls found him in the library."

"I don't think it's weird.  The library's a nice place.  He probably wanted to sit by the family tree for a while, soak in some quiet time before... well, everything."

With another laugh, JenniAnn got out of bed.

"Maybe we should check in with him again to see if this whole 'Let's give Joshua the fun 30s he never got to enjoy' plan is still okay with him.  I don't think he got back from the Green Carnation until after 1 AM last night/this morning."

Andrew held up his cell phone.

"Confirmed.  Jamie said he was stuck at the bar for several hours listening to a poor sobbing girl whose girlfriend had just left her."

"Ugh.  A break-up right before Christmas... not fun.  And also... utterly unsurprising that Joshua spent his fun night out counseling and empathizing.  Savior's gonna save, I guess."  JenniAnn pulled on her robe then bent to kiss Andrew's cheek.  "I'll be just a moment."

Andrew chuckled and squeezed her hand.

"A mom's gonna mom, I guess... even if the child is 'God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten not made,'" he intoned.

"Thanks for that, Fr. Andrew," JenniAnn teased.  "But yes.  Don't eat all the biscotti."

"I wouldn't dream of it.  See you in a bit."

"Yep!"  JenniAnn blew Andrew a kiss from the doorway then made her way to the library.  As she drew near, she smiled at the sound of classical music softly playing.  Bach, maybe?  Yes, "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring," appropriately enough.  Not wanting to interrupt Joshua's very rare "me time," JenniAnn crept as quietly as she could to the door.

Peering inside, she saw Joshua seated near the tree... just as Andrew had guessed.  The remnants of the breakfast the girls had brought him were on a nearby tray and he was reading a book... one of her Rilke volumes, she thought.  He was wearing a beige sweater and jeans and his hair was pulled into a half pony... a style he'd recently taken to after Belle had settled upon it while he'd patiently let her play hairdresser the week prior.  He looked so cozy and domestic and content, like something out of a Victorian era painting. 

Suddenly, JenniAnn was overcome by a series of images: this calm, homey Joshua in a different, much smaller home.  His beige sweater had given way to a beige robe.  He was sanding down the arm of a wooden chair when a young woman with a pregnant belly walked in and set a plate of food next to him.  Joshua beamed at her then patted her belly affectionately.  Next, the two were older and beaming as they watched a young couple get married.  A moment later, an aged Joshua was bouncing a little boy on his knee.  Then, finally, Joshua was laying on a bed with family gathered around him, singing.  With a smile on his face, he peacefully drifted away.

Tears poured down JenniAnn's face, blurring the image of the real Joshua.  She stumbled a few paces away from the library door then sunk against a wall and began to sob.
*~*~*

Andrew was just dunking a biscotti... definitely not the last... into his coffee when a strange feeling came over him.

"Laja..." he murmured.  Without another thought, he leapt up from their bed and hurried into the hallway.  "Laja!" he repeated when he saw her crumpled on the floor.  He hurried forward and wrapped her up in his arms.  "Hey... hey... what's wrong?"  A new worry seized Andrew.  "Is Joshua..."

"He... he's fine.  Reading.  I just... I don't know what happened..."

"A seizure?"

JenniAnn shook her head.

"N-no.  At least... I don't think so.  If it was, I've never had one like it and... and I dunno that I want another.  I just...  Joshua looked so cozy and so content and so... human.  All of a sudden I had these flashes of Joshua's life.  But... not his actual life.  Like... if he'd just been Joshua... Yeshua.  Just plain old Yeshua.  Not God.  Just a man.  A really, really good man.  The best man, even.  Cause...cause he was still Joshua.  But he was married a-and had a daughter and a grandson and... and he died peacefully in bed, an old man.  And I dunno...  It... it just made me think in a new way about... well..."

"Christmas?" Andrew guessed.

JenniAnn nodded.

"Cause... cause that's the thing, isn't it?  It's not just God became a man.  He became a particular man, with a particular... really difficult... task.  He... he didn't have the same shot at happiness... at true love... at old age... at a peaceful death that a lot of us had... have.  He became man at a really difficult time, in a really difficult place.  And all the dreams he might have had... he just had to put those aside.  For us.  And I dunno...  I know it had to be that way.  I know he wanted it that way.  But... he was such a good man, Andrew.  I... I know it wasn't real but... I could just tell.  Just... doesn't seem right that the best man ever didn't get to have the best life.  He should have had that."  JenniAnn waved towards the library.  "Comfort and love and a cozy home and... a good death.  That most of all!"

Andrew mulled JenniAnn's words over for a bit as he gently swayed with her.  She was right.  It wasn't fair.  But it had always been the plan: Joshua's and his Father's plan.  And there were big theological reasons for that, of course.  And if he'd been behind a pulpit, Andrew might have extolled upon them.  But JenniAnn knew all that.  Right now, she needed to hear something else.

"And you would never have known him."

JenniAnn sat up straight and looked at Andrew.

"He would be long dead.  And still dead.  No Resurrection.  And that little girl who collected coins and left them at the altar, hoping she could make up for what Yehuda did... she would have never done that.  Because the name Yeshua... Joshua... Jesus... none of them would mean anything to her.  The best man ever would have lived and died and been unknown to all but a few who met him.  And by now... his memory would be entirely gone.  There would be no one sitting in that library right now, Laja."

JenniAnn sniffled and wiped at her eyes.

"You're right.  Totally right."

"It happens sometimes," Andrew kidded, tenderly kissing her hair.  "For all our plotting amongst the Friends to make this stay really enjoyable for Joshua... to give him the thirties he 'should have had'... well, the truth is he had the thirties he wanted.  He had the life he wanted.  Maybe not all the time, in every moment.  But he's the only person to ever live who knew exactly what life would bring him and he accepted it, with all his being."

"Yeah... he did." 

"And think about it this way, Joshua who was only a man coulda had let's say a dozen kids at most.  I mean, yeah, I know more is possible but solely human Joshua would still be responsible so... we'll stick with no more than a dozen, okay?"

JenniAnn nodded.

"Which dozen of us would you pick for him knowing the countless others of us would be forever unknown to him?"

With a grimace, JenniAnn shook her head.

"I can't do that!  That's impossible."

"Exactly.  Now, we're all his.  And every person... whether in this life or the next... has the chance to know him."

"Yeah... we do."  JenniAnn smiled after brushing the last of her tears away.  Then she cradled Andrew's face in her hands.  "And without an immortal Joshua to push things along... I wouldn't have you."

"No.  And we wouldn't have our kids."

JenniAnn shuddered.

"Everything okay out here?"

Andrew and JenniAnn looked up to find a concerned Joshua peering down at them from the library door.  The latter sprang to her feet, ran to him, and embraced him.

Joshua chuckled.

"Good morning to you, too."

He frowned when JenniAnn pulled back enough for him to see her reddened eyes.

"You've been crying."

"I... yeah... but I'm fine now.  Andrew helped."  JenniAnn smiled at the angel who had approached.  "Just... I peeked in on you to make sure everything was all right and then, well, I guess my brain decided to dream up a whole other life for you where you got married a-and had a kid and died as an old man in bed and then, well, I spiraled a bit.  But... I know you lived the life you wanted to live.  Even... even to the end."

"What end?" Joshua gently teased.  "Still kicking."

JenniAnn laughed and then rested her head on his shoulder.

"You are..."

Andrew and Joshua exchanged caring smiles.

"For the record, I lived the life I wanted, little bird.  And I still am.  And this morning I just happen to be reading Rilke who I know you love so... how about I read a bit to both of you?" Joshua offered.

"I'd like that!" Andrew agreed with eagerness.

"Me too."  JenniAnn squeezed Joshua's hand.

Then, like two little kids, Andrew and JenniAnn snuggled on either side of Joshua on the couch.

After planting a kiss on each of their temples, Joshua began to read.
"Celebrate Christmas in this holy feeling, that perhaps He needs this very anxiety for life from you, in order to begin.
These very days of your transition, when everything in you is working at Him,
are perhaps just the same as those when as a child you worked breathlessly at Him. Be patient and without vexation,
and remember that the least we can do is not to make His coming into being more difficult for Him than the earth makes it for the spring, when it wishes to come.
Be joyful and of good hope."
The End

Excerpt was from Letter Six of Rainer Maria Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet.  This story was loosely inspired by the song "A Strange Way to Save the World" by Mark Harris, Don Koch & David Allen Clark.  Just the whole idea of how many other ways Jesus' life could have played out... but he chose a very particular and, yes, strange but glorious path.  Works cited are the Nicene creed and "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring" by J.S. Bach.



This newsletter is dedicated to John Dye for continuing to be part of our Christmas traditions here at JABB.

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(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page, other than my own, are from Touched by an Angel and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions.  They are not being used to seek profit.)