Hi all,
January 31st would have been John Dye's 61st birthday.
I'm sure he had an indescribably wonderful heavenly
birthday. But that doesn't mean things aren't still
trying here sometimes.
At
this point, I'm never entirely sure what to do with these
birthday editions of JABB. To be honest, I don't
really watch TBAA or any John Dye projects any more.
It's not that I don't want to. It's just that my time
has gotten so much more limited with so many more claims on
it. So spending that time rewatching something for the
fifth, tenth, whatever time just doesn't make sense.
And maybe, on some level, I'm scared to watch TBAA and
potentially realize I don't like it as much as I used
to. And I don't mean that as a slight against John Dye
or really anyone. I just think it's very possible that
in the intervening years, I may have convinced myself that
Andrew was much more of a focus than he really was. So
it would be disappointing to revisit it and realize "Oh
yeah... This is really mostly about Monica and as time
goes on she really starts to grate on you..."
All this to say, it's hard to write top tens or anything
like that any more because my memory is foggy. So I
can't do that in the birthday issues. So I guess I'll
just ramble.
I guess what continues to surprise is how there are still
some days when it seems like John just recently passed
away. And these past few months brought a couple of
those instances. Firstly, there was Matthew Perry's
death. I think just because I watched Friends
at the same time I watched Touched by an Angel, that
death kind of resurfaced my feelings about John's. And
maybe it was also because I can remember the chatter about
Chandler's sweater vests and thinking "Yeah, they're
great. But have ya seen Andrew in one?!" It's
only been here recently that I've realized people, like
music, can evoke a particular setting. And it's made
me realize how, while it's obviously very sad to lose
people, even people you didn't know, sometimes that sadness
is also about losing a time and place and a feeling. I
miss the 90s. I know the 90s had sooo many
issues. Of course it did! Every era does!
But due to being a kid and the limited role of the internet,
bad news wasn't the constant presence it is now. And I
miss that feeling. I also miss feeling like creativity
was something there was always time for... not something I
had to cram in between various responsibilities and aided by
caffeine because of lack of sleep. I miss the freedom
and ease I associate with John/Andrew... even while knowing
that my younger self was often distressed and
stressed. Nostalgia is a funny thing.
And then just yesterday (I'm writing this on the 2nd), Carl
Weathers passed away. And I was surprised by how that
news hit me. Mr. Weathers is known for many, many
things; probably playing Apollo Creed being at or very near
the top. But... I've actually never seen a Rocky
movie. I mean I've seen bits and pieces. But
never a whole movie. So what I mostly associated him
with was Colonel Brewster on Tour of Duty. I
had vague memories of watching the show with my mom as a
kid. Very vague memories. But I mostly watched
it years after it ended, after I started crushing on John
Dye. And, originally, I just watched the episodes that
John was in. But it turns out I really liked the show
so I wound up buying the entire series and watching every
episode. And Colonel Brewster was part of that.
Now, again, my memory is hazy. But I remember him as
an almost angelic character. (And also one of the few
with a long term love story which, obviously, I
loved.) But he'd be around and then he'd go away 
for a while. But then
something awful would happen and Colonel Brewster would
reappear to save the day. I remember in the haze of
those first days after John's death, wanting him or Zeke to
show up and be like "We found him. He's alive.
There's been a mistake. Send in a huey!" But, of
course, that didn't happen. Years went by and I was
really excited when I saw that Mr. Weathers was in The
Mandalorian. I loved that he was given a more
substantial part and was always happy to see him. He
made me nostalgic but in a way that was less... jaggedy by
the time the show premiered in 2019. I'm sad for his
family, his friends, and his fans. I'm sad that we
won't see Greef Karga and his fabulous robes any more.
But I was also sad because his passing made me think of John
while I was sitting at my desk at work, looking at the team
budget. And the gulfs between who I was when I first
saw John and who I was when he died and who I am now seemed
very large.
It's hard, sometimes, to realize that the space of time
since we lose someone we care about keeps growing while the
portion of our lives when they were actively involved
becomes smaller and smaller. But, if anything, the two
instances above remind me that John is still there in my
life. Not so closely that I struggle to eat or sleep
like in those horrible first days after he died. But
closely enough that a celebrity dying hundreds of miles away
from me can instantly bring back memories of sweater vests
and hueys, of late nights drinking chai and writing
stories.
Anyway, all of this is just to say that if you're out there
and still having moments when you feel really sad that John
Dye is no longer among us, I think that's normal. I
think it's normal to still be disappointed that there are no
new projects to look forward to. I am so glad that
streaming platforms and DVDs mean we can revisit so many of
his old projects as often as we want. Even though I've
not been doing that, just knowing that I could is so
comforting. I thank God for that.
I continue to hope and pray that John's family, friends, and
fans are finding healing... not only in the ongoing wake of
his passing but also in so many other losses that John's
beautiful performance as Andrew helped us through.
That healing and hope he and the writers lent us can never
die, thankfully.
Every year on John's birthday I send this quote to the
GoogleGroup. I think it's a good note to end this on.
“There
are possibilities for goodness in a world that's very
filled with turmoil.“~~John Dye
Do something good... and remember that, sometimes, just
smiling at a stranger or picking up a piece of litter is
enough to make a day worthwhile.
God bless,
Jenni
This newsletter is dedicated to John
Dye for continuing to be a source of inspiration in so
many ways.
JABB
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(Photo
Credits: The photographs used on this page are from Touched
by an Angel and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline
Productions, and Moon Water Productions and Tour of Duty
and owned by New World Television and Braun Entertainment
Group. They are not being used to seek profit.)
