Hi all,
So this is a very different sort of newsletter... but maybe in
line with what this space has to become. While I have
enough ideas for Dyeland stories to keep me writing well into
the next decade, I'm pretty dried up in terms of shorter form
things like top tens relating to TBAA or John Dye's other
work. Occasionally something will come to mind but those
occurrences are becoming more and more rare. And I guess
that's to be expected when we're twenty years out from TBAA's
last episode airing and twelve years past John Dye passing
on. I've considered doing away with the biweekly
newsletter and just focusing on the stories but I'm also not
crazy about that idea. Considering the amount of time it
takes for me to write some stories, that could mean JABB
appearing completely lifeless for months at a time. I'm
aware the web site can seem that way when I get really behind
on updates (as happened in the last quarter of 2022) but at
least the newsletter kept going out to people who had opted
in. So, for now at least, I'd like to keep the
newsletters going. So what do I put in them?
Well, one thing I really loved about TBAA and some other John
Dye projects is their ability to start conversations about
assorted issues. Like I can remember when Season 6
started and got a lot of press for covering human
trafficking. Even earlier, "The Spirit of Liberty Moon"
prompted discussion about human rights violations in
China. I really admired that. But I think I
appreciated even more TBAA's ability to highlight issues that
people all over the world confront every day: substance abuse,
health struggles, domestic violence, etc. They didn't
always handle it perfectly, of course. I still cringe
when I think of some lines... but I also cringe when I read
some of my older writing. And I think that openness is
what I want to continue on. I've tried to in stories but
not as much in the newsletters. I think that barrier is
what I'd like to get rid of going forward. I think I
have this idea in my head that outside of newsletters that
contain stories, they should be light and goofy. They
shouldn't really be about anything. I'd maybe throw a
few lines into the introduction mentioning stuff in my own
life that impacted my ability to work on JABB but that was
about it outside of tribute issues. I think, going
forward, I want to be more honest here. And, if folks
are interested, I invite you all to do the same, anonymously
or otherwise. If I can't keep writing top tens about
TBAA, I at least want to carry on its message of shining a
light on difficult things... and, sometimes, even having some
fun while doing it. I don't mean every newsletter will
turn into a personal essay. But maybe every couple of
months.
Anyway... here we go.
God bless,
Jenni
Of Mice, Messiness, and Methods
TW: mental health issues, germs, and
(natural) animal deaths
Four years ago yesterday, I entered what I'll refer to as
"The Mouse Era." After living in my house for over a
decade with few problems, I discovered mice in my
kitchen. Fortunately for them but sort of
unfortunately for me, I grew up with pet rodents. My
mom and I had hamsters, my siblings had mice, and my brother
even had a pet rat who I adored. So dispatching of the
mice was not going to be possible. In the weeks that
followed, I collected a dozen mice and housed them in a tank
in my basement until the spring thaw when I released them...
minus the first two I had found. I'd named them Gussie
and Jackie and decided to keep them because I thought they
were elderly. Why I thought this is 
anyone's guess... because it clearly wasn't
true given Gussie lived for over two years after I'd found
her and Jackie made it for over three. By the time
COVID hit, I was very attached to Gussie and Jackie and,
despite being pretty anxious, was quite content with them
and my two dogs, Danika and Leo, as part of my pod. It
seemed right because I grew up in a family of five and now I
had my five again.
But then the second onslaught of mice came... and then the
third. And, with those, they weren't restricted to my
kitchen. And COVID was still ongoing and cleaning
products were harder to come by and I was stuck in my
now-gross house. I hired a pest control company but
they used kill traps which, as I mentioned above, I couldn't
deal with. But that was fine because my live traps
were hauling them in. What I really wanted was for
them to find out how the mice were getting in... and they
utterly failed at that. So I felt paralyzed with
cleaning because every time I'd clean, I'd find another
mouse and just have to scour everything again because who
knows what they'd touched. I also ended up keeping
another three mice for various reasons: Andi because her
tail got caught in the live trap and I was afraid it had
disabled her (it hadn't... but by the time I figured it out
I was attached and she was very comfy), Rilke who was very
small when I found him, and Chai who was even smaller and
seemingly dead when I found her only to spring to life when
I gave her a Froot Loop. She seemed like a miracle so,
of course, I kept her. She's the only one I still have
as the others lived long lives (for mice... not for me) and
passed on in the comfort of tricked out tanks.
Eventually, I got everything clean surface-wise. But I
had boxes and bags of dishes and clothes piled all over the
basement because one complicating factor in all of this is I
also have anxiety coupled with OCD traits. So for
something to be "clean," I had to wash it three times.
And washing things three times takes a lot of time.
(Note: I only apply this "rule" to stuff like the mouse
invasion. I don't triple-wash items just because of
normal use.)
Things felt very bleak. It started to get better when
I fired the pest control company and took control of finding
the break-in spot myself. Lo and behold, there was a
sizeable hole behind my refrigerator as well as a hidden
inch wide gap running under all of my kitchen
cabinets. After all the money spent on that company,
everything was resolved with a few plastic wall plates, some
duct tape, and a decorative wooden strip worth less then
$20. I haven't had invasion issues since.
But the psychic damage had been done. Naively, I had
prayed that none of my pets would die until after the
pandemic... not realizing how long that would be.
Despite that naivete, I still feel like God answered my
prayer because Gussie didn't pass until after I'd received
my first vaccination and saw light at the end of the
tunnel. Over the next fifteen months; Jackie, Rilke,
Andi, and then my beloved Danika all died. I went from
having seven pets I adored to only two. And, all
things considered, I was doing pretty well. But then a
new paralysis set in as the weather started to get colder
and my hole-patching abilities were going to be really put
to the test. What if more mice got in? What if
they died? What if as I was
cleaning/organizing/decorating, I found a body? After
those fifteen months and handling the bodies of five of my
pets, I didn't think I could handle it. And then it
happened... sort of.
A couple weeks ago, I moved a bookshelf for the first time
since I moved in. It's heavy and bulky so not
something I ever wanted to move but I got to thinking that,
who knows, mice may have gotten behind there at some
point. I also suspected Leo had somehow managed to
toss a treat back there because he kept sniffing around and
whining. Turns out there was a treat back there... and
some droppings. I tossed the treat (who knows how old
it was and Leo had plenty!) and vacuumed up the mess and
sanitized and then I saw it... behind the neighboring chest
that I keep my TV on... a carcass sitting on a glue trap...
which I had absolutely NOT wanted used and definitely hadn't
consented to have in my LIVING ROOM!!! I started to
tear up and forced myself to look again because obviously it
had to be removed and I discovered... it was a locust shell
sitting on a face mask. And that's when I remembered
that my brilliant, sentimental self had found the locust
shell on the tree in my front yard and grabbed it for my
printer's tray memento display because when I was little, my
cousins and I used to make a game of seeing who could
collect the most (late 80s/early 90s Pokemon?) I must
have been trying to get to work or something because rather
than run to the basement where the printer's tray is, I'd
set the shell on the TV to deal with later. Then it
must have fallen off the TV and behind the chest where it
would cause my temporary anguish months later. If
you're laughing, don't feel bad. I laughed, too, once
I realized that this thing I had feared for years had
finally happened and... it was all this ridiculous thing
which I had unwittingly set myself up for.
I'm not gonna pretend like I don't still feel some anxiety
when I move something for the first time in a good
while. But I have gotten better. I don't feel
paralyzed when it comes to the few things I have left to
do. But I definitely still have times when I wish I
was JenniAnn and had Andrew around to do things. But
since I don't... no reason not to bring the comforting
feelings I've attached to Andrew into my cleaning and
organizing. I thought I'd share some ideas.
Maybe they'll help you, too.
1. Back in the day, I mixed numerous CDs of songs that
reminded me of Andrew, John, TBAA, etc. While
sometimes they make me feel a little maudlin, they can also
make for great cleaning music. It's almost like they
trick my mind into thinking I'm the age I was when I made
those CDs. I feel energized and get more done.
Nostalgia can do great things! But it's also not just
nostalgia because I feel the same way about the Spotify
playlists I've made for more current Dyeland stories.
2. While music is great, sometimes I actually want the
TV on while I clean. I'm not sure why. If I had
to guess, maybe I equate people speaking with productivity
because of the chatter I hear at work. This has
sometimes led me to put on a news channel or
documentaries. And that's fine in limited doses.
But when I'm spending most of the day cleaning, it can
really start to bring my mood down. I've also tried
having sitcoms like The Office on in the background
but the problem there is I really loved that show but there
are so many episodes I don't remember well. So I get
sucked in and distracted. So I think I'm going to
start having Touched on. Because I've watched
each episode multiple times, I think it'll be less
distracting and it'll be nice to hear reassuring voices!
3. Be like Monica! Well, not always. I
definitely still have some issues with her treatment of
Andrew! What I'm specifically talking about here is
have that mocha latte! The week before last, I redid
the shelves in my hall closet which I knew would be
aggravating and even a little painful given the odd angles
I'd have to position myself in. So I ordered a Thai
coffee with coconut which I love. And also a bubble
tea. Sometimes those indulgences can really power you
through difficult tasks.
4. This doesn't really tie into TBAA but one thing I
find helpful is adding a little novelty into a repetitive
task. For example, instead of fabric softener and
dryer sheets, I use wool dryer balls. I have a
selection of essential oils and I mix and match them to make
new scents to put on the dryer balls. It just adds a
bit of creativity to an otherwise rote task.
5. Wear TBAA swag while cleaning! And by TBAA
swag, I don't even just mean the licensed T-shirts and
sweatshirts floating around eBay although those are fine,
too. Wear an Andrew-esque flannel shirt or a dove or
turkey-themed graphic tee. I still have my "God loves
you!" tee from the old Cafepress days that I sometimes wear
to clean in. Nostalgia can definitely be motivating.
6. I sometimes use writing and/or rereading a prior
story to motivate me to get a task done. That same
week I redid the hall closet, I realized I had a very foggy
memory of writing "Song of Songs." So I used rereading
that as a reward for taking down Christmas
decorations. The same can work with TBAA or Tour
of Duty or something else. Once I've finished
writing "The Advocate," I plan to use the Promised Land
DVD set to motivate myself.
7. Do NOT be like Andrew. I mean, of course, do
be like him when it comes to being compassionate. But
don't be like him when it comes to equating your self-worth
with what you can accomplish and how few times you
fail. I think we all fall into that trap, myself
included. A weekend can feel wasted if we didn't buzz
through the to-do list. But sometimes we just need to
rest and mentally check out. That's okay.
Really.
8. Finally, whatever else, remember that God loves
you. He loves you whether your house is a mess or
spotless. His love is unconditional.
And that'll do it for today. Take care, everyone!
This newsletter is dedicated to John Dye for, via Andrew,
reminding me that one doesn't have to be a perfectionist.
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(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from Touched
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