Hi all,

So... on top of still struggling with the epilepsy flare-up, my dog, Danika, is nearing the Rainbow Bridge.  She's somewhere between 16 and 18 (she was found wandering fifteen years ago so her age was never definite) so has lived a good, long life.  Nonetheless, it's a very sad time and I'm just not feeling very creative.  So I'm sending one of the few scenes I have written for "The Advocate" which is the story I really hoped to have made more progress on by now but life intervened.  Maybe, by some chance, sharing it will give me a little push to get back to writing once things are more settled here.  I have the week of Halloween off so while I have various home improvement projects I want to get to then, I hope to write, too.  Anyway, this is the only scene with Andrew in it that was even close to done.  If you haven't read "The Lost Sheep," maybe just go ahead and skip this as I doubt it'll make much sense.  Hopefully I'll be a little more energized and able to do something stand-alone and Andrew-centric for the Halloween newsletter.

God bless,
Jenni


A Scene from "The Advocate"

"I just... don't get it sometimes.  Don't get me wrong.  It doesn't bother me!  Not at all!  But I guess I'm the sort of person who likes to know the why of things.  So... I don't understand why I feel so... clingy towards Steve.  Like... it's not a normal thing to just want to go up to a person and nuzzle their neck.  I know that!  I've never wanted to do it with anyone else.  But sometimes with him... I have to remind myself that people get uncomfortable with too much PDA.  Otherwise I would totally be doing it.  A lot," Ed confessed.  "Is that... normal?"

Andrew smiled.  He knew what Ed really wanted to ask: do you feel that away about JenniAnn?  Am I the only one?

"Normal for angels?  No.  Wrong?  Also no.  For starters, just by having human anam caras, we're already in the minority.  And then among angels with human anam caras, even fewer have physically intimate relationships with their anam caras.  But you do.  I do.  So it's not weird for us."

"It just... it started so quickly.  Like... not even two weeks after I met Steve."

"I don't think that's weird.  Sparks fly quickly sometimes.  It took longer for me.  Much longer.  But... our situations are very, very different.  You're a thousand years older than Steve.  It's a lot.  Sure.  But I was around before the Earth was created.  You and Steve appear the same age.  When JenniAnn and I met, I looked old enough to be her dad.  And... as much as I hate to admit it... gender was a factor."

Ed looked at him curiously.

"I mean I get the age thing but... I'd like to believe we're evolved past gender constraints."

"Maybe.  Doesn't mean society has.  It hasn't.  I had to take into account how young women are often socialized.  Especially when JenniAnn was coming of age.  'Be feminine, be sweet, be a people-pleaser, take care of your man.'"  Andrew rolled his eyes.  "Back then and maybe even still I just... I don't want her to ever do anything just because she thinks I want her to.  I'm not confident that if, when she was 18 or 19, I'd nuzzled her neck... would she have told me if it made her uncomfortable?"  He shrugged.  "Maybe.  Maybe not.  You and Steve were on much more equal footing."

"That's true.  And people are lest apt to give deference to a demon who can't even... demonize?... correctly than to an angel of the Lord."

"Maybe so.  And then also... she'd had a crush on my doppelganger TV character.  So that felt like another imbalance.  And then also having to account for if she really had those feelings for me or if she was just projecting because of him."

Ed nodded.

"Makes sense.  Glad I don't need to worry about that.  I know Steve definitely prefers me to Blackbeard."

Andrew laughed.

"Well, you're not advocating for skinning someone with a snail fork so..."

Ed grimaced but then chuckled and shook his head.

"I most certainly am not.  Would probably ruin the snail fork," he teased.

Still laughing, Andrew continued.

"But TV Andrew and me... we were very similar.  You just resemble Edward and share a few vague characteristics.  Plus... you and Steve were already together when the show started so..."

"Yeah.  I could see that being difficult.  Especially when we're talking about a teenager.  Brain hasn't fully developed and all."

Andrew sighed and dragged a hand through his hair.

"No.  And sometimes I feel bad thinking about if I ever left Laja feeling lonely or hurt but... then I look at Shelby and... I know she's a young woman now but... she's still a little girl to me in some ways.  And when I think of someone bringing to her the... the darkness that sometimes crept into my life."  He shook his head.  "No.  Anyway... all this to say you're not normal.  But you're who you're supposed to be.  And that's better, isn't it?"

Ed beamed and nodded.

"It is.  Thanks."

"You're welcome.  And..."  Andrew frowned and again dragged a hand through his hair.  "I also... I just want it clear that... well, I do think things were easier for you and Steve in a lot of ways.  But it doesn't mean I'm not aware that in a lot of other ways... it's really not.  JenniAnn and I... we're straight passing.  And... well, we both appear to be the same race.  I just want you to know that I'm not blind to the privilege that gives us.  And if you run into any trouble... well, I can't say I'll be able to relate entirely.  I know I won't.  But I'll listen.  And I'll help however I can.  I'm sure JenniAnn would agree."

Ed gave a quick nod then turned away.

Andrew grimaced.

"I'm sorry if I said anything wrong or hurt..."

Ed shook his head.

"No... No.  Not at all.  It's just... I wasn't very close to any of my fellow angels and now... now when I'm getting ready to give it up...  I... I have friends." 

Andrew hurried over and hugged the younger angel.

"You do.  And you will.  No matter what.  We're not going away just because you'll become human.  You'll always be one of us, Ed.  Always."
*~*~*

This newsletter is dedicated to John Dye for making death seem not so scary.
JABB Portal
JABB TOC
JABB 635
(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from Touched by an Angel and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions.  They are not being used to seek profit.)