"There is no health without mental health;
mental health is too important to be left to the professionals alone,
and mental health is everyone's business." 
~~Vikram Patel
Hi all,

As I shared with the YahooGroup this morning, this week and, particularly these past couple days, have been a bit trying and emotional for my family.  I won't get into it much here except to say that I now feel even more strongly that more resources and services need to be available to those living with mental illness and members of their support system.

A few weeks back, I started the story below as I contemplated how important it is that society does away with the lingering stigma surrounding mental illness, seeking psychological help, etc.  Unfortunately, I haven't had the time or energy to finish it.  I thought putting it here would spur me onto writing the rest... which I'd actually hoped to do today before things took the turn they did.  Hopefully, I'll be able to finish the story soon.  Until then... here's part one.

God bless,
Jenni


Cupid and Psyche
Spring 2017

The sound of running water roused JenniAnn from her slumber.  For a moment, she felt a mild panic.  Belle had lately become enthralled with faucets and, more than once, had overfilled a sink because "baby needs bath!"  Her parents would then spend several minutes mopping up the mess and tending to whichever waterlogged doll had fallen victim to the "bath." 

JenniAnn smiled as she thought of Andrew, sitting on the edge of the bath tub, hair dryer in hand, drying off a doll. 

Andrew...

Still groggy, JenniAnn turned to his empty side of the bed before sitting up, preparing to check on her daughter.  It was as she slid into her slippers that JenniAnn realized the running water was coming from further away.  And it wasn't the sound of a sink but a shower.  The knot that had been in JenniAnn's stomach seemed to drift further up, becoming an ache in her heart.

Typically, when Andrew returned from a late assignment, he was the beneficiary of God's "magic."  He'd show up clean and calm, often already in his pajamas... unless it was still early enough that they would dance in which case he'd retain his suit.  That he was in the shower signified less of a physical need to be clean than a psychological one.  Of course, there was a chance Andrew had gone to his workshop or checked on the animals in the barn and gotten sawdusty or muddy.  However, JenniAnn sensed that neither was the case that night.  Her beloved angel had seemed unusually quiet when he'd departed that morning.  He'd said little to her about his pending assignment, only that he'd be in Arkansas. 

JenniAnn was debating whether to open up her Kindle and look for news out of Arkansas when the shower stopped.  She decided she would give it five minutes and, if Andrew didn't come to her, then she would scour newspapers and, from there, determine whether or not she would go to him. 

Three minutes later, the decision was made for her.

Andrew startled when he stepped into the room and found JenniAnn sitting up in bed.

"Laja, everything okay?"

JenniAnn smiled up at him and nodded.

"Yes.  I'm so glad you're back, my love."

Andrew returned her smile and slid beneath the covers and into her embrace.

"I'm glad to be back," he whispered into her ear before kissing her temple.  "I hope I didn't wake you up."

JenniAnn shrugged and ran her hand through his damp hair.  She kissed his brow and drank in the scent of his sage shampoo. 

For his part, Andrew was trying to replace the remembered stench of chemicals, mustiness, and fear with the fragrances of JenniAnn's lavender oil and their bed sheets which she kept misted with rose water.

"Andrew..."

The angel of death caught the slightly shocked note in JenniAnn's voice and lifted his head from where he'd rested it over her heart.  Some color drained from his face when he realized his right hand was beneath her shirt, his index finger nearly touching her right breast.  Embarrassed, he quickly extricated his hand and sat primly on his side of the bed.

"Laja, I... umm...  I'm... sorry.  I don't know what..."

JenniAnn shook her head and lifted his chin, forcing him to look at her.

"Andrew, no.  It... it wasn't that.  It was..." 

Andrew's eyes fluttered when she reached up and brushed tears from his cheeks.  JenniAnn took his hands in hers.

"I could feel your hand shaking.  That was all.  It... it worried me.  They're still shaking."

The angel blinked back further tears as the woman brought each hand to her lips.

"Tell me?  Please?"

Andrew suddenly felt utter exhaustion.

"I... I'm tired, Laja."

He sounded so sad that JenniAnn couldn't stop herself from closing the distance he'd created.  She snuggled beside him and protectively wrapped an arm around his middle.

"Then rest, my love," she urged. 

"Laja...  I love you.  I..."  Andrew yawned.

JenniAnn gave him a squeeze. 

"I know.  I love you, too.  Tomorrow... we'll talk more tomorrow."

Andrew nodded.

"Tomorrow..."

As JenniAnn silently waited for the steady breathing that would tell her that Andrew was asleep, she prayed.  She asked Joshua to give her some insight into what was so distressing her beloved.  His answer came not in words but in a prickling sensation at her side, the same place where Andrew's hand had rested.  Her scar... 

Andrew's hand had been covering the remnants of Rex's violence. 

*~*~*

Andrew, JenniAnn, Shelby, and Belle were joined by Max and Rose for breakfast.  The meal together had been planned, what was to follow had not been.

When Rose had called her friend-turned-mother-in-law to let her know that she and Max were on the way, she'd sensed something in JenniAnn's voice.  The older woman had insisted that she and Andrew were still eager to have the two come over and so they had.  Once they'd stepped inside Willowveil, Max had immediately picked up on the tension between his parents.  It was not a tension borne of anger or annoyance.  In fact, in between bites of raspberry crepe, Max noticed that his Maja and Dad seemed to be in near-constant physical contact.

Suddenly, a fork clattered to the dining room floor.

"Good gravy," Rose exclaimed.  "I'm all thumbs today.  I'll just go get a clean one.  And it looks like we could do with more orange juice.  Max, come help me in the kitchen."

"I can get the fork and orange juice," JenniAnn insisted as she started to stand.

"No, Maja," Max countered.  "You and Dad have done enough work this morning.  All Rose and I had to do was show up!  Relax."

"Thank you, sweetie."

"Sure thing."

Max and Rose smiled at the others before hurrying off to the kitchen.

"Something's definitely up with them."

"Yeah.  I think Shel's picked up on it, too.  She keeps looking at them and biting her lip," Max shared.

"Maybe we should take Shel and Belle to the zoo with us, give Andrew and JenniAnn some time together.  We could ask Violeta, too.  And maybe Sy and Ivy would want to tag along.  I know it's not exactly the date we had in mind but..."

"But I think it's a great idea," Max agreed.  "Besides, the zoo isn't exactly romantic."

Rose grinned.

"Apparently those two gorillas who just had a baby think otherwise," she teased.

Max laughed.

"True enough.  But it is fun to take in as a group."

"And I love how excited Belle gets."  Rose smiled as she imagined snuggling with her little niece as they rode the train around the zoo's grounds or took in an IMAX.

"Then it's just a matter of whether Maja and Dad have other plans for today."

"We can feel it out when we get back in there.  C'mon."

Max picked up the orange juice pitcher he'd refilled and followed his wife back to the dining room.

"There.  Much better!"  Rose brandished her clean fork and returned to her seat, patting Max's hand when he pushed in her chair.

"So what do you have planned for today, Dad?" Max asked as he refilled Andrew's glass.

"Thank you.  And I'm not sure.  I'm off today so maybe doing some woodworking, see if I can fill an order or two."

"Cool.  Well... if you two don't have anything planned with Bellaluna then Rose and I wondered if you might let us take her to the Z-O-O in Omaha today.  You, too, Shel.  And we'd ask Violeta, Ivy, and Sy."

"Aunt Vioyeta?" Belle queried, looking around.

"She's not here right now, baby girl," JenniAnn replied.  "But maybe you'll see her later."

"I'd love to go to the Z-O-O," Shelby eagerly accepted.  "Can we?"  She looked to Andrew and JenniAnn with pleading eyes.

"I have no objections."  Andrew smiled at Rose and Max.  "It's really nice of you to ask.  Seems like a good siblings-plus day out!  Laja?"

"I agree.  Thank you both." 

Both Max and Rose could see the relief on the woman's face as she smiled at them.

"Awesome!"

Max knelt beside Belle's chair.

"Hey there, Bellaluna.  What do you say to going to the zoo with Shel, Aunt Rose, and me?"

"Zoo!" Belle screeched.  "Zoo!"  She launched herself off her chair and into Max's arms.  "I yove the zoo.  I yove the animuhs and the train and the..."

As the little girl went off on a litany, the others at the table smiled and laughed.  Rose sent a text to Violeta and soon plans were solidified. 

Grateful for the impending alone time, Andrew and JenniAnn briefly linked hands before they joined the others in finishing their breakfast.
*~*~*

After seeing their kids, Ivy, and Sy through the portal and off to the zoo, Andrew and JenniAnn returned to their room.  Wanting to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, they settled onto the cushions they kept on the balcony.

Andrew smiled when JenniAnn hugged his arm and nuzzled his shoulder.

Every so often, he still felt a wave of surprise when she was so near.  It was sometimes hard to reconcile the woman beside him, the woman who he'd built a life with, and the teenager he'd once known and loved as a sort of little sister-type.  Back then, he'd wanted to protect her just as he still wanted to protect most humans.  But, over time, that had changed.  Whereas once he'd prayed that, if it ever came to it, God would let him shield her from a stray bullet or push her away from an out-of-control car or get between her and a would-be assailant, now Andrew longed to protect JenniAnn's psyche, too.  He felt responsible for her in a way he didn't for his assignments.  He wanted to be there to brush away tears when she was sad and hold her close when she trembled after a nightmare.  But JenniAnn wasn't content to be always on the receiving end of his protective nature.  When he'd tried to keep her there, it always ended badly: weeks without speaking, a doomed romance with Eliot, and once she had even thrown a literal book at him, so great was her frustration at being kept outside.  She seemed always to have seen them as equals with neither more nor less responsible than the other.  And, of course, she was right.

Now Andrew realized that, after they'd finally exited the wilderness of their early years together, they had transcended the distinction between human and angel in other ways.  Here he was, an aging immortal with children.  And, more and more often, JenniAnn played the part of his angel: reminding him that he was loved, comforting him, and protecting him. 

In that moment, laying on the balcony and looking up at the spring day sky, Andrew thought he felt something akin to what some of his assignments felt... the ones who shirked away and wouldn't meet his gaze.  In the glow of his angel, Andrew felt ashamed. 

"I love you," JenniAnn murmured into his ear before beginning a trail of kisses along Andrew's jaw line.  "God loves you," she added when she'd reached his other ear.

After she kissed his lips, JenniAnn stopped and peered down at Andrew.  He wasn't kissing her back.  And now he was looking away from her. 

"Andrew, look at me," JenniAnn demanded.

Obediently, the angel looked up to face her.  Framed by the sun, JenniAnn seemed to be actually glowing.  Andrew quietly groaned.  He would have turned away but JenniAnn was cradling his face in her hands.

"Where you go..." she prodded.

"I go," Andrew finished.

"I go," JenniAnn echoed.  "Where did you go yesterday?  And please don't just say Arkansas."

"I... Laja, I was with a man on... on death row.  I was... at his execution."

Tears filled JenniAnn's eyes.

"Oh love..."

Andrew wrapped his arms around the woman when she sunk back down beside him.

"Was... was he innocent?" she asked.

Andrew shook his head.

"No..."

The answer surprised JenniAnn.  She knew Andrew viewed the death penalty with distaste.  He seemed to consider it to be an imperfect "solution" with potential to do more harm than good.  Still, a guilty man dying for his crimes didn't seem like it should arouse the same sort of grief that often accompanied assignments in which a person was brutally murdered, assaulted, or raped.  For all her quibbling with the Catholic Church, JenniAnn had stood with them in opposition to the death penalty for decades, even signing a "Do Not Execute for Me" card in high school.  Even at that, she felt no where near the same sadness when she heard of a confessed murderer being executed as she did when she read about their victims.  The victims... maybe she/he/them were why Andrew was so upset.  Maybe he hadn't known about them when he'd been given his assignment with the murderer.  Or maybe he had...

"A-and his victim... victims?"

"I don't know many details... I don't want to know details...  What I do know is that he kidnapped a woman and then raped and killed her."

JenniAnn shuddered.

"So you weren't assigned to her back then?"

"No."

"It must have been so hard for you to be there... supporting the man, in a manner," JenniAnn guessed, trying to get to the bottom of Andrew's angst.

"It always is," the angel confessed.  "But I know that they're God's children, too.  No one deserves to die alone."

JenniAnn frowned.  She'd heard Andrew speak those words before, countless times... but never like that.  It sounded as if he was reading them from a script he didn't particularly like.  There was no passion, no emotion.

"Was he not receptive to what you had to say?" she inquired.

"Sort of.  Mostly.  He's with Joshua now, in his own limbo.  Sorting things out."

"It sounds like you did your job very well then.  No doubt the man had a very complicated, very difficult life with much more baggage than you could help him with in mere hours.  You aren't upset that he didn't go directly Home, are you?"

"No.  He's where he needs to be," Andrew replied.

"Yes.  He is."

JenniAnn decided to try a different tactic.

"You've mentioned before how uneasy you feel on death row and... and especially in the death chamber... how clinical and surreal it all is.  It's bound to get to anyone, my love.  No wonder you're shaken."

"I... I'm not shaken," Andrew protested.  "Or at least..."  He dragged his hand through his hair. 

"Tell me, please," JenniAnn pleaded.  "I... I can tell that, whatever it is, it's going to eat at you until..."

"Her husband was there... the victim's... Madeline's husband.  And... and I found myself looking at him through the glass.  The... the pain on his face, in his eyes.  From the file, I knew that he'd asked for the death penalty.  And... Laja... as... as I looked at him, I felt like..."

"Like what, beloved?" JenniAnn coaxed after several moments of silence.

With tears in his eyes, Andrew looked into JenniAnn's concerned ones.

"I don't want to disappoint you," he murmured, stroking her cheek.

"Even if you disappointed me, I would love you no less."

Andrew managed a half-smile.  It was the perfect, truthful answer.  He drew in a deep breath to steady himself before continuing.

"During those types of assignments... and I've been involved in many of them... I always feel for the families.  Both the victims' and the killers' families."

"Of course you do.  My lovely and compassionate Andrew..."

The angel of death drew some strength from the kiss she planted on his forehead.

"And, even when I don't agree, I've sympathized with the survivors who want the person who terrorized their loved one dead.  But today... for... for the first time... when, for a brief moment, the pain in the husband's eyes gave way to wrath and vengeance... I... it was like... like I felt it, too.  And I realized that if... if Rex had killed you... I... I would have... felt the same.  Maybe even... wanted the same."

Andrew looked away when he finished speaking. 

JenniAnn bowed her head, now truly understanding Joshua's answer.

The angel of death reflected on how many times he and JenniAnn had discussed how his closeness with her and his love for their children was making him into a better angel.  He'd believed it.  Now, for the first time, it seemed to him that he'd allowed those same bonds to make him less of one... less moral in JenniAnn's eyes even.  Andrew felt even worse when he thought of Joshua.  JenniAnn's top argument against the death penalty had always been that it was better to let a thousand guilty people live than to let one innocent be executed.  They both knew an innocent who had been executed...  And they knew he wasn't the only one.  That Andrew would even briefly consider embracing the same flawed system...

JenniAnn sat up and stretched an arm across Andrew, allowing her hair to serve as a canopy around his head.  With her free hand, she stroked his face, neck, and upper chest.  After a few moments, she felt him begin to relax. 

"First of all, most of my family back home is for the death penalty.  That doesn't mean that I love or respect them any less.  So even if you were..."  JenniAnn leaned down and whispered.  "I wouldn't kick you out of my bed."

Andrew couldn't help but chuckle upon seeing the gleam in his Laja's eyes.

"Second, I really don't think what you felt is that terrible.  I think even the most ardent death penalty opponent might have an initial reaction of pure wrath and even bloodlust if a loved one was harmed.  You may be close to perfect, beloved, but you're not perfect.  Therefore, you're not entirely free from experiencing... let's say baser emotions.  Don't you think I had some fairly nasty fantasies when those... monsters... in Afghanistan had you?  A-and even once you were back.  When... when I saw how thin a-and bruised and..."

Andrew pulled JenniAnn onto him and secured his arms around her when she began to weep.  He closed his eyes and toyed with her hair as her tears dampened his shirt

JenniAnn was eventually calmed by the steady beat of Andrew's heart.  She smiled when he thumbed her tears away.

"What I wanted to say... thirdly and finally... was that... that I don't think we ever fully dealt with what happened... I mean... not just between the two of us.  The only counseling we went to was largely for Max's benefit.  And I know I kept some things to myself during those sessions, not wanting to upset him even more.  I'm sure you did, too."

"Yeah...  I did," Andrew verified.  "When we went to North Carolina... our talk on the night of your birthday... that helped me.  So much, Laja."  He kissed her temples.  "But I... I guess I didn't know yet how it would follow me... how it would impact me during assignments."

"And neither did I."  JenniAnn laid back down and tucked her head beneath Andrew's chin.  "I am sorry that it all came up during this last assignment... and that I couldn't be with you when it did.  Not that I would have wanted to be... there..."

Andrew tightened his embrace.

"I wouldn't want you there.  Terrible place.  I..."

The angel was cut off by a yawn.

"I'm glad you were here," he finished.  "Safe and sound."

"Yes... only a bit lonesome.  Maybe we should take a nap," JenniAnn suggested.  "You came home so late and then Belle woke us up early and so..." 

"A nap sounds nice," Andrew agreed.  "Out here?"

"Mmm hmm," JenniAnn responded, already snuggling closer.

"Sleep well, my Laja."

"You too, my love."

In only a few minutes, both the angel and the woman were dozing.  A dove alighted on a nearby branch and watched over them.
*~*~*

The next two days were so frenzied that Andrew and JenniAnn hardly had any time to talk alone.  Ivy and Violeta had signed up for a spring break service trip and JenniAnn had spent much of the weekend helping them pack and prepare.  Andrew had jetted all over the world, completing a series of brief and, blessedly, easy assignments.  Through it all, Belle had entered yet another clingy phase and was her mother's near-constant shadow, leaving her side only during her daddy's brief sojourns back home.  On Monday night, Andrew at last found himself looking ahead to a few days of rest.  But first he had a promise to keep.

"I going with Daddy?" Belle asked as JenniAnn brushed and braided her hair.

"Yep."

"You goin'?"

"No, baby.  This is a daddy and daughter date."  JenniAnn kissed the girl's cheek.  "You get daddy all to yourself."

Belle grinned but, a moment later, she whipped her head around and peered at her mommy.

"What 'bout you, Mama?"

JenniAnn hugged the little one.

"Don't you worry about me.  Appa Vincent's coming to see me."

"Mama and Appa date?"

JenniAnn laughed.

"Something like that.  Now let's hurry and get your hair done.  Daddy will be here soon."

Belle let out a little shriek of joy and then turned back around so JenniAnn could finish with her hair.  They were just getting the final barrette placed when there was a knock on Belle's door.

"Any body home?" Andrew called.

Belle giggled, ran to the door, threw it open, and hugged her father's legs.

"There's my little elf!"  Andrew pulled her into his arms and covered her face and hair in kisses, causing Belle's giggles to start up again.  When she settled down, the angel caught JenniAnn's gaze and smiled.  "And my elven queen."

JenniAnn approached and accepted his kiss as Belle cooed.

"Oooh...  Again!"

Slightly self-conscious but amused, Andrew and JenniAnn complied.

"Pretty Mama and Daddy..." Belle murmured, nuzzling them both. 

"Sweet, pretty baby girl," JenniAnn replied, taking Belle into her arms.  "Give Mama a good bye kiss?"

Belle gave her mother a noisy smack on each cheek then wiggled to be let down.

"My purse!"

JenniAnn sat the child down and, when Belle ran off in search of her bag, she turned to Andrew and squeezed his hand.

"How ya holding up, my love?"

Andrew brought her hand to his lips.

"Good.  How are things here?  And with you?"

"Also good.  I asked Vincent to come over for dinner since Catherine's at Joe's campaign party."

Andrew was visibly relieved.

"Good.  I didn't like the idea of leaving you here but..."

JenniAnn shook her head.

"Belle needs to spend some alone time with her daddy, too.  And, for that matter, I need some alone time with my god-daddy.  Besides, Belle will likely be nodding off by 9:00.  We'll have some time to ourselves."

"Mmm hmm," Andrew agreed, linking his hands at the small of JenniAnn's back and pulling her closer.

For a brief moment, JenniAnn allowed herself to relax against him and rest her hand over his heart. 

"Got purse!" Belle cried.

Andrew and JenniAnn pulled away from each other and smiled at their beaming daughter.

"Then off we go!" Andrew replied with enthusiasm equal to the girl's. 

Belle took her father's hand and began to drag him towards the door.

"Bye, Belle!  Bye, Andrew!  I love you both!"

"Love you, Mama!"

"I love you, Laja," Andrew called, chuckling as Belle continued to pull him.  "See you in a couple hours."

JenniAnn caught the kiss that Andrew blew to her and sent one back.  She smiled as father and daughter disappeared down the stairs and began their "date."

Now she had her own to prepare for.
*~*~*

While Andrew got to walk around Manhattan with an energetic, purple sparkles-clad toddler princess; Vincent was spending the evening with a yoga pants and tunic wearing, sluggish Psyche on Willowveil's front porch.  He wouldn't have had it any other way.  If only she would eat...

"Psyche, you are two minutes away from me cutting up that slice of pizza and feeding it to you choo-choo style," he only partially jested.

JenniAnn snapped out of her reverie and smiled.

"Sorry...  I invite you over here and then I'm a total space cadet."

"No need to apologize.  I'm enjoying being with you, Psyche."  Vincent reached across the bistro-style table and squeezed her right hand.  "But I am concerned.  You hardly ate at lunch today, either.  And you seemed... distracted at class."

Alarmed, JenniAnn met Vincent's concerned gaze.

"Do you think the children noticed?"

"No.  I doubt Kemara or Owen did, either.  I believe I only did because I've known you since you were small."

JenniAnn's face softened as Vincent's eyes did.  She took a large bite of pizza to appease him and then abandoned her chair in favor of the bench he was sitting on.

Vincent wrapped his arms around his godchild and kissed the top of her head.

"Tell me?" he whispered.

With a sniffle and nod, JenniAnn began.  She told her beloved teacher and cousin about Andrew's assignment on death row and all it had dredged up.  She also told him what she hadn't yet been able to tell Andrew.

"Sometimes I... I just feel so... responsible.  I mean... what if I hadn't, well, pursued him like I did?  I mean I'm glad I did... so glad... because if I hadn't then... then we wouldn't have our kids but... but, then again, maybe we would.  Maybe I've made him... too close?  I mean what if we'd been anam caras more like... well, like Adam and Kylie."

"I doubt you would have been fulfilled by that relationship, Psyche."

JenniAnn's face flushed briefly.

"True."

"And I would guess, based on his happiness in your current relationship, Andrew would not have been, either.  Perhaps he would have remained content longer than you would have... but not forever."

Vincent gave the girl a soft, reassuring squeeze before continuing.

"As I said earlier, I've known you since you were small.  I watched you clap gleefully when I told you stories ending with true love's kiss.  And do you remember how distressed you were over Catherine and me not sharing a room when you first came back to us?"

"Yeah..."

"You were too little to know then about, well..."

JenniAnn patted Vincent's hand.

"Yes, I was.  I thought grown-ups just snuggled together and kissed at night.  Maybe told each other bedtime stories."

Vincent smiled.

"And you would have been sorry for me to miss out on that?" he checked.

JenniAnn nodded.

"I would have been sorry for you to have missed out, Psyche.  I think it was a good part of why I was so hesitant about Andrew at first.  If I had known you could have the life with him that you do... I would have worried far less."

Vincent took a few silent moments to look out at the darkening sky and collect himself before continuing.

"When you were shot, Andrew was more hurt because of how close you two had become.  But think of this, sweet Psyche: In those moments... in... in that alley... and as I walked back home... I thought... I thought the pain of seeing my little Psyche like that would kill me.  But then you recovered...  Every time you came Below, every time I visited you here... with every hug and kiss and word... I healed a little more.  Our bond made my pain greater that day and in the aftermath... but it also made my joy greater.  I know Andrew feels the same.  Psyche, accepting the pain and the joy... that's what it means to love and be loved by a human whether they be your child, parent, friend, lover, or, yes, your anam cara."

JenniAnn remained silent, letting her godfather's words sink in. 

"That's true," she finally murmured.  "And... and being around you helped me heal, too.  And being with Andrew..."  She sighed, remembering the first night back in their own bed.  She'd been so happy to be back in her beloved's arms.  Again she blushed.

"I know," Vincent acknowledged, saving her from saying any more.  After allowing her to remember for a few more moments, he resumed speaking.  "Psyche, there's something else I want to tell you about those days... something Catherine and I struggled over whether to tell you or not.  I think... now... she would agree with me that it's time."

Alarmed, JenniAnn sat up so she could look into Vincent's eyes.

"What is it?"

Vincent smiled, heartened by the childish gesture, when she wrapped her fingers around one of his.  He sighed and made his confession.

"We were both... traumatized.  I spoke truthfully when I said that seeing you helped me to heal.  Catherine, too.  But... the memories..."

"I... I'm sure it was awful."

"Yes.  So... we started seeing Libby Howell."

JenniAnn startled when she recognized the name of one of the Tunnel Helpers.  Libby was a psychiatrist.

"She helped us a great deal, not only in confronting our own emotions but also helping us to help each other.  Perhaps you and Andrew could consider some counseling?" Vincent suggested.

"I... I had no idea that you and Catherine were... were struggling so much.  I..."

Vincent embraced his goddaughter tightly.

"And we didn't want you to know... not then.  You needed to focus on regaining your strength and helping your own children.  I'm only telling you now because I think seeking some outside help would be very beneficial.  Psyche, I want you to know that you can always come to me, you can talk to me about anything.  But I know you won't... not about everything.  All children hide things from their parents... godparents.  Some privacy is necessary.  I know that very well.  I think a counselor would be an ideal solution... or at least part of the solution to what you and Andrew are facing right now."

"Yes...  I think you're right.  Andrew and I both kinda brought it up.  But... who?  I mean I like Libby a lot but Andrew hardly knows her so that doesn't seem right.  And Amber-Marie has so much on her plate.  Plus, this isn't really her area of expertise.  I... I wish it could be Joshua but..."  A tear trickled down JenniAnn's cheek.  "I... I feel like we've left the Gospels and now are well into Acts.  And he's gonna be around less..."

Vincent again hugged JenniAnn.

"Maybe so.  But he's always here.  I think in this case, however, Joshua knows that you and Andrew need to speak to someone else.  Just because you know he knows and understands all, that doesn't mean it would be easy to express everything you're feeling to his face."

JenniAnn bowed her head and considered Vincent's words.  She thought of how hesitant Andrew had been even to tell her about his feelings towards the man on death row.  No doubt he would have struggled to say the same aloud to Joshua.

"Right again," the woman replied with a wavering smile.

"Pray on it, Psyche.  I know you and Andrew will find the person God means for you to find.  Let's pray about it right now.  And then... you need to eat more."

JenniAnn laughed as Vincent waved to her still-full plate.  She nodded and then took his hands as he led them in prayer.
*~*~*

When Andrew and Belle arrived back at the castle, the little girl was already asleep in her father's arms.  Along with JenniAnn, Andrew tucked Belle into her bed.

"You actually wore her out," JenniAnn whispered as they gazed down their daughter.

Andrew responded with a soft chuckle.

"I think it's more accurate to say NYC wore her out.  She was so dazzled by everything.  It takes energy to get so excited!"

"I guess we haven't had her in the city at night much, have we?"

Andrew shook his head.  The truth was that, other than going to familiar locations, they hadn't spent much time in New York City at all.

JenniAnn gently stroked the angel's back.

"You look tired... and I know I'm tired.  Shall we get ready for bed?"

Andrew gave her a mute smile and nod.  They each kissed Belle then went off to their own rooms to wash up and change before reuniting.

Following bedtime prayers, the two settled into bed.

"So everything went well?" JenniAnn checked.

"Oh yeah.  We had a great time.  The only issue was that, at a point when I was carrying Belle, some lady commented that she looked old enough to walk on her own and I shouldn't coddle her."  Andrew rolled his eyes and laughed when he saw JenniAnn was doing the same.  "I didn't dignify it with a response so I don't think Belle noticed."

"Good.  It's not like you had a vice grip on her and she wanted down.  She just has those especially cuddly moods... and there's nothing wrong with that."  JenniAnn hugged Andrew's arm.  "I happen to like cuddliness."

Andrew kissed her forehead.

"Me too."  He began to run a hand through JenniAnn's tresses.  "And how was dinner with Vincent?"

"Really nice.  He, umm, thinks we should find a counselor.  He told me that him and Catherine started seeing one after... after it happened."

"Really?  Who did they see?"

"A Helper.  Her name is Libby.  She's a real sweetheart but I'm not sure I'd feel comfy seeing her.  I mean I remember her from when I was little and, well, I'm not sure I want to talk about... intimate things... with someone who remembers when I was barely out of diapers."

Andrew smiled.

"Understandable.  I think we should pray for direction."

"That's what Vincent said, too."  JenniAnn beamed.  "I always thought that part of the reason I love you is because you're so much like him in some ways."

Andrew's smile softened.

"I take that as a very high compliment."

"You should."

JenniAnn leaned in for a kiss and then, with their tiredness returning, the two drifted off to sleep while asking Joshua for guidance.
To be continued...

This newsletter is dedicated to John Dye and everyone involved with TBAA who did their part in trying to diminish the stigma attached to mental illness. 

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(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from Touched by an Angel and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions.  They are not being used to seek profit.)