|"Delicious autumn! My very soul is
wedded to it,
and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking
the successive autumns."
I hope you're enjoying these first few days of autumn!
Hard to believe the year is 3/4 over!
Andrew in October: Then and Now
With October and, thus, Halloween just
around the corner, I thought it might be fun to take a look
at how Andrew's views on this time of year have changed over
time since we first "met" him nearly twenty years ago.
Then: "If I hear 'Monster Mash' on the radio on more time..."
Now: "Laja, 'Moondance' is
playing. Come dance with me!"
Then: "Look at all these grim reaper costumes! How am I
supposed to compete with this!?"
Now: "Yes, Laja, you're completely
right. It is appalling that the boys' part of the web
site has a a subsection for career-themed costumes and the
girls' section doesn't... But, no, I don't think we're
in league with the patriarchy if we let the girls dress as
fairy princesses this year."
Then: "Wow. A lot of leaves fell overnight. I
better go rake."
Now: "Belle! Let's go jump in the
Then: "All this ghost and goblin and demon stuff... No
wonder humans are scared of death! Look! Look at
that wall hanging! It's terrifying!"
Now: "Belle, wanna come help Daddy paint
pumpkins to set out for our Halloween party? Yep,
Then: "Okay... I need to brace myself. JenniAnn
probably has Willowveil all decked out for Halloween but she's
my friend and I'm the grown up and I need to deal with it."
Now: "I-I'm fine, Laja.
Really. Just... had an emotional moment as I was
unpacking Itsy and Teensy here. Suddenly thought about
what it would have been like to do all... all this
decorating without you. And I would have. For
Belle and Shel. But... Yeah, a hug would be
Then: "Well, this may be a terrible time of year but at least
apple cider tastes good."
Now: "Hey Max! Yep, I'll get going
on the butterbeer just as soon as Arthur's done fixing
pumpkin spice lattes for Monica. Wouldn't be a Dyeland
party without an array of decadent drinks, huh?"
Then: "Ten! Ten different variations on the
grim reaper! What is with these costume
Now: "I can't wait to see what
all the Friends dress up as for Halloween! I
bet Kemara and Sean do something really
cute. Remember Zeke and Diana and, of
course, Manny last year? That was
great! Hey, what are we gonna be, Laja?"
Then: "I *hate* Halloween!"
Now: "I love anything that makes my little elf
this happy! Happy Halloween!"
And now for a glimpse back
at Andrewiffic moments in my own past...
Jenni and Jenni Write JABB:
Here Comes Halloween!!!
October 1, 2003 to
October 5, 2003
12:34 pm October
Subject: My yearly quest
When I was little
my Mom bought me this ceramic spider
for Halloween. It's really adorable.
Even Andrew would have to love this
Halloween decoration. She's got this
cute little smile. When we first got
her at a craft fair there was a
little electronic music button
hidden under the black cotton ball
on her back. It played the theme
from Hitchcock's show. I loved it.
It was sad, in a way. I realized
that even when I was so little and
that somehow that made me really
like it. The actual piece of music
never made me sad but with that
music box effect it was sad but
beautiful. After a few years it
stopped working and we replaced it
with another one. But we couldn't
find the Hitchcock one. All we got
was one that has ghoulish sorts of
noises. It wasn't at all the same
and didn't match the spider near as
well. Anyhow, I'm trying to search
the web to find a replacement but no
such luck. All the ones I'm finding
are showtunes or hymns. Anyone know
any good craft supply sites?
Me in 2015:
Ha! Okay, so that one
doesn't have much to do with
Andrew but that's one of the
decorations Andrew alludes to
above. (I decided JenniAnn
could share my spiders with
me.) Happily, I did find the
music box piece eventually and,
even more happily, I realized it
was battery operated so now I can
just put lil watch batteries
in. Ironically, they're the
same batteries that I use for my
pocket watch so I imagine Andrew
and JenniAnn share a stash.
:-) The tune does still make
me feel melancholy, though.
Maybe it's the nostalgia.
Anyhow, what was really cool was
that on the same site where I
found the music boxes, I also
found the exact some ceramic
spider. So I bought that,
painted it, and, thus, Teensy was
October 3rd, 2003
Subject: Tonight's resolutions
1. I will not stare at the Door.
2. I will finish watching ER and
other new shows I've taped and
yet to watch and not watch TBAA.
3. I absolutely will not print
off any fanfic.
4. Absolutely no looking at old
journals for references to
Andrew, just to see what I used
5. Tomorrow, if I go get a new
watch because the one I'd been
using totally fell apart, I will
not stare at the pocket watches
in sappy manner.
6. Actually purchasing one is
And yes Andrew, it is *you*.
I'm feeling: crazy
Me in 2015:
Okay... Well, as you can see
from above... I did end up buying
a pocket watch. And I got
another two as gifts. So
there goes that resolution!
Clearly I felt that my crush on
Andrew was getting obsessive (and
I blamed him for that which really
wasn't fair). Good thing my
younger self can't read modern day
Not printing out fanfic may have
been the wisest thing on that
list. I actually think it
may have been written after I
inadvertently read a fic that took
a bad turn. There was so
much shipper stuff out at the time
and some of it was a lil
over-the-top. I think a lot
of my angst during this era
stemmed from still being really
taken with Andrew but not being
able to do anything with
that. TBAA was done.
Fanfic could be dangerous.
Discussion had died down. I
wish it had occurred to me earlier
to take Dyeland stories more
seriously! That's the way to
use that energy... not venting on
October 3rd, 2003
Well, I did very well last night
with my resolutions. "E.R."
nearly made me pop in an episode
of TBAA but I resisted. Barber's
"Adagio for Strings" just tears
me up and when they played it...
It's so painfully beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I just went to
sleep after that. Or maybe I
read something, really can't
recall. In any case, did not
read fanfic, pour over old
journals, and obviously did not
buy a pocket watch at 4 AM.
Today my friend ------ and I
went shopping a bit. I didn't
get anything but it was still
fun. She also became the third
person to see the Door. :-) She
was nice enough to draw a
baseball bat on the chalkboard
part of it for me. The pocket
watch had been up for a week and
I felt I needed a change but
everything I drew just looked
like a random stick... I guess
that's what friends are for,
aiding and abetting you in your
insaneness. Yay! We're both
totally psyched for next week's
I'm feeling: good
Me in 2015:
Well, that was a short-lived
little tiff! I'm shocked I
was ever able to stay up til
nearly 3:00 AM... I feel old
now... I'm in bed by 9:00
lotsa nights. Eeek.
Also, a new axiom: Friendship
means drawing a baseball bat on
your friend's chalkboard when
they've turned a door into a paean
to a TV angel of death.
I should sell T-shirts!
October 4th, 2003
Subject: Silly, silly girl...
I, for whatever reason, no
longer have the heart to blame
Vincent for my problems with
being overdramatic and, at
times, paranoid. But I do think
his legacy of Shakespeare has
been... interesting. Then again,
should probably claim my
paternal Grandpa's legacy of
being an actor. My brother is so
much like him, loves being on
stage. I hate it. I suspected
I'd just totally missed that
part of my family's genetics.
But I think I still got it. The
highly dramatic part. But,
thankfully for me, it was
tempered by the shyness of my
mother's side. And the sappiness
of them, too.
Now for a brief word to my
reality-challenged, whatever he
is (shall come up with a name
eventually, "crush" is just too
Andrew, I'm really glad you're
not going any where. Yes, you.
And people wonder why I don't
I'm feeling: relieved
Me in 2015:
I totally forgot how I used to
blame Vincent for my being
overdramatic at times...
Clearly I enjoyed blaming
fictional people. But I
think my observations there are
pretty astute. I do think I
inherited "the acting gene."
I just think it got filtered into
writing. I do sometimes go a
little "method" with the writing
and I do actually use exercises
that I learned in the lone acting
class I did take. So there
Also, this was written long before
I learned the word "squish."
Although I'm not totally sure I
would consider Andrew to be a
squish. Maybe back then,
I wonder if that was written after
I read The Silver Metal Lover?
Cause that had a Shakespearean
tone and with a seeming immortal
who... sniffle, sob... was
not... It actually did
remind me of Andrew and LJA in a
worst case scenario sorta
way. I wish some of these
entries had more context!
But, yes, it is good I don't drink
much. I can get plenty loopy
without the influence of alcohol,
thank you very much!
Although the occasional margarita,
Woodchuck, or Irish coffee is
October 5th, 2003
Subject: All right then, RISE!
I'm not sure what I dreamed last
night but Mr. "Died and Risen
Many Times" must have been in it
cause of what I was thinking
when I first woke up.
I have some new clarity on a few
1. Lady JenniAnn really needs to
move on. I don't mean get over
the Andrew thing. I mean accept
that it's there and continue on
until things change. Maybe it's
something she's supposed to go
2. Yes, I'd like to go back to
the old days when people posted
for *days* about The Hair. But
shock is not a good way to get
that back. That's a good thing
cause apparently I don't have
the heart to do anything really
3. But a little antagonism might
be. :-) Now if I could just
think of something genuinely
questionable about Andrew...
Post that, then wait for people
to defend him. But, then again,
what if no one defended him or
someone posted and just agreed!
4. I'm wondering if searching
out some new members might
help... End my years long ban on
anything resembling publicity.
My two friends and I loved our
Christian Bale movie parties.
Then, slowly we'd put off a
movie for a couple hours to
watch "Trading Spaces" instead.
Where we used to watched 5-6
movies, we'd watch one. And that
one only because it was new and
no one had seen it. Honestly, I
kinda like this better. But then
it was never so much CB that was
important to me as the fact that
he brought us together. So if he
still does that, who cares what
we're watching at the time?
But it's not the same here. For
whatever reason, Andrew does
mean more to me than CB. OMG.
He's haunting me. OMG. BRB
I'm feeling: scared
I'm listening to: "Remember Me"
Me in 2015:
Ooh! Ooh! I remember
now! So, around this time,
I'd been stressing about JABB
being really inactive. And
you may be thinking "Umm, Jenni,
JABB's pretty inactive
now..." And you're right
because there's not much activity
on the list. Although,
funnily enough, we did just
discuss hair. (Hi,
Cindy!) But what was
different about 2003 is I wasn't
feeling very engaged myself.
Nowadays I sometimes feel like I'm
engaged to the point of Dyeland
potentially overriding what little
social life I have.
(Definitely a homebody!)
Anyway... In the midst of
angsting about this, I had a dream
in which Andrew looked at me and
said "I have died and risen many
times." My reaction upon
waking was "Umm... Okay. You
do realize that you're not Jesus,
right?" But I think what had
happened is I'd watched TBAA and Romero
on the same day and Archbishop
Oscar Romero's quote ("As a
Christian, I do not believe in
death without resurrection. If
they kill me, I shall rise again
in the Salvadoran people.") got
conflated with Andrew in my
head. But I ended up being
really inspired by it because I
took it to mean that while
interest would ebb (die), it would
also flow (rise) at other
times. And that's been
true. So the dream kept me
from giving up on JABB.
But boy... That first
point. Harsh! Poor
LJA! The truth is, though, I
didn't intend for her to end up
with Andrew. She was either
supposed to die or get married to
Eliot. Glad I didn't box
myself into those options! I
do wonder what shocking thing I
was thinking of doing,
though... Heck, maybe I
considered killing her off
then. Or maybe I was
considering killing Andrew off
somehow... I really have no
As for that cliffhanger... here's
what happened and I kid you
not. I still remember gaping
and getting goosebumps.
October 5th, 2003
Subject: All right... That was
So just as I was about to write
"I wish he'd 'rise' back into
people's minds on the list" I
heard a creaking. Kinda ignored
it. Two seconds later, CRASH! My
Mom has this decorated Halloween
tree. The whole thing fell...
Ghosts, pumpkins, ghouls all
over the floor! I know he hates
Halloween but geez...
I'm feeling: amused
Me in 2015:
To date, I have no explanation for
that. I can still remember
exactly where I was in relation to
that tree. It was on the
microwave in the kitchen and I was
in the corner of the kitchen on
the computer (obviously). No
one else was in the room. I
was not at all near enough to
touch the microwave or the
tree. But that happened.
Obviously I don't think Andrew
really did it. But, who
knows, maybe it was my guardian
angel sent to get my mind off of
whatever stupid story idea I was
considering? Maybe I really
did intend to kill someone off and
maybe that would have changed the
story enough that... no
Joshua. And that woulda been
And I think that's a good place to
stop until next time!
This newsletter is
dedicated to John Dye for
nostalgia, plain and
simple. I really feel it
when I go through old journal
entries or old JABB things but
I also feel it as a new TV
season starts and I find
myself longing for something
like TBAA and remembering how
great it was to have a new
season to look forward to.
Credits: The photographs used on this
page are from Touched by an Angel
and owned by CBS Productions,
Caroline Productions, and Moon Water
Productions. They are not being used
to seek profit.)