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the Wedding Canon
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You are cordially invited to the wedding of
Miss Chimama Drooler
Mr. Chiwawa Jabbins.
The ceremony will be held on February 13th at
Dyeland Chapel Grove
13163 Androoler Ave.
A reception will follow at Dyeland Castle.
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Back in JABB 28 the authors presented you with a lovely fairy tale filled with intrigue, love, and John in armor. Five months have passed since the valiant knights Chiwawa and John rescued the fair Audrey, JenniAnn, and Chimama from Kiwi. Presenting.......
JABB: A Wedding Story
It was a lovely afternoon at Dyeland Castle. A slight breeze blew through the weeping willows that surrounded the grove in which all the Dyeland residents were gathered. In the center of the group there stood a chaplain, 2 bridesmaids, the best man (who looked very drool worthy in his tux), and most importantly the bride and groom.
"Do you Chimama take this, man-dog Chiwawa Jabbins, to have and to hold from this day forward as long as you both shall live?" The chaplain recited the age old words.
"I do." Chimama answered beaming at her groom, Chiwawa, who was all decked out in his wedding attire. At her side Audrey and JenniAnn smiled proudly in their bridesmaid dresses which were actually pretty.
"Do you Chiwawa take this, woman-dog Chimama Drooler, to have and to hold from this day forward as long as you both shall live?"
"I do." Chiwawa said as he glanced lovingly at his childhood sweetheart.
"By the power vested in me by the courts of Dyeland I now pronounce you husband and wife!" The chaplain proclaimed as the thunderous applause began.
Dyeland had witnessed its first wedding and there was much rejoicing!
"I would like to make a toast to the happy bride and groom." John said as he tapped on his juice glass (apparently with the youthfulness of so many of the partygoers, JenniAnn thought it best to serve "Fruit Works" the latest craze at her school vending machine. Non-carbonated, real fruit beverages! Check your local store.)
"May Chiwawa and Chimama live a long and happy life, may they never know the sorrow of another separation, and may they enjoy their honeymoon in....... Chihuahua, Mexico!!!!" With that John produced two plane tickets from his pockets. (Aww, now isn't that sweet.)
"Thank you John! You've been the best best man ever!" Chiwawa exclaimed.
"Yes, thank you very much. And Audrey and JenniAnn, thank you too for throwing us this amazing wedding. It's been a dream come true." Chimama added.
After all the toasts had finished, the bride and groom stepped onto the dance floor and danced to their song, "Puppy Love". Around 9 it was time for Chiwawa and Chimama to go catch their flight to Chihuahua. (And we're just hopping right along with this story aren't we! Who writes this stuff anyway!?!?) The crowd started to return to their homes until it was only John, Audrey, JenniAnn, and one of the caterers they had hired who had stayed to help clean up the mess.
"Oh it was lovely wasn't it? Just like a dream!" JenniAnn whispered, well, dreamily.
"Yes, it was. And I can't believe our little puppy is married now!"
John had spent a considerable amount of time with the co-prezes by now and he knew how they were so without a second thought he produced two Kleenexes from his pocket and handed them to the misty-eyed girls.
"Thank you, John." They both said. "And thank you for being here." Audrey said and JenniAnn nodded in agreement.
Suddenly the caterer appeared from the kitchen.
"Oh! And thank you, sir for being of such great help." JenniAnn told him.
"Sir!?!? Sir?!? You can't even remember my name!" The man now became slightly maniacal. (Oh great here we go with the drama.)
"I....I.... I'm sorry. It's just been such a hectic time and I hope you understand. We've just been so busy and I'm sorry it's no excuse." JenniAnn began backing away from the man.
"Well, I'll teach you all!" Suddenly all the doors in the great hall slammed shut. John ran to one of them and tried to open it with all his might, but he couldn't! He ran back over to where Audrey and JenniAnn now stood amazed and frightened.
"The doors are locked! We can't get out!" John screamed with a tremor in his usually steady voice.
"That's right Angelboy! Nobody is leaving this joint 'til I get an apology!"
"I'm truly, very sorry that I forgot your name.....Mr.... Mr.... Cliff! Yes, that's your name, Cliff. Cliff, I'm very sorry." JenniAnn told the man.
"I don't want an apology for that!"
"What do you want an apology for then!?!?" John was getting slightly annoyed.
"They should know!" Cliff screamed as he dissolved into hysterics by the remains of the wedding cake. John, Audrey and JenniAnn then ran clear to the other end of the room to consult each other in privacy.
"What in the world could this guy want? Who is he anyway?" John questioned.
"I don't know!" JenniAnn cried. "He just showed up on the door step a couple days ago saying he'd heard we were having a wedding and that he'd like to lend his services as our caterer. I knew I should have called the Better Business Bureau and checked him out!"
"That's all right it's too late now." Audrey consoled. "Now we need to worry about what this guy wants so we can get him to leave."
"I want to know how he managed to lock all those doors when he never left our sight. It's almost as if it was..... magic." John pondered.
"Magic.....yes..... I think I know who he is! Audrey, do you remember when we bought Dyeland? The realtor said that the man living in the next kingdom was a wizard. A wizard named......Cliff!"
"Yes! I do remember that. Okay so now we know who he is but that still doesn't help us know what he wants...."
"The ants go marching one by one. Hurrah! Hurrah! The ants go marching one by one. Hurrah! Hurrah! . . . ." The trio had begun singing songs to pass the time. Occasionally the singing was interrupted when one of them would have a sudden brainstorm on what Cliff might want. Money, land, his two front teeth, but none of these ideas received any response from the desolate man still sitting by the wedding cake.
During the 175th round of "Cups of cappuccino on the Wall," (You should all be very glad you don't have to sit here and listen to that bunch singing! I do and it's not pretty!) a great light shone in the room! John, Audrey, and JenniAnn looked up.
"Monica?" John asked.
No, not Monica. Dawn had now reached Dyeland and the sun was shining through the Hall's skylight. The room's four inhabitants all stared up at the sky.
"Hey, you know what?" John asked.
"What?" The girls replied.
"It's Valentine's Day! Happy Valentine's Day, Audrey. Happy Valentine's Day, JenniAnn." John exclaimed as he gave each of them a hug.
The three dissolved into a bunch of excited chatter and well wishing. Suddenly, JenniAnn looked up to see Cliff, the magician, staring at them. It was then she knew what he had been wanting.
JenniAnn walked over to the table where the food had been and retrieved a red heart-shaped napkin. She then proceeded to her purse where she fished around 'til she had found a pen. She carefully wrote a message and then walked over to where Cliff sat. She handed him the valentine and John and Audrey stared in amazement as he took it.
Thank you for helping us with the wedding.
It was truly beautiful. I'm sorry none of us thought
about what it was you wanted until now, friendship.
We really should have been better neighbors.
God bless and Happy Valentine's Day,
"Thank you." Cliff said shakily. "I just wanted a friend. I saw how happy you all were and I wanted to be part of something like that. You see, about eight months ago my wife left me. I.... I accidentally made her cat disappear. She thought I'd done it on purpose. I swore I hadn't! I even found the cat later but it was too late. She was gone."
Before anyone could answer someone began pounding on the doors.
"Open up! It is I, the Mysterious V! I have come to save the princesses!"
Cliff's magic had now dissolved and the door flung open. The Mysterious V ran over to where JenniAnn stood.
"I sensed you were in trouble and I came!" He cried. (Okay, now they've been locked in this room for at least 8 hours and he just now comes?!?!)
"Shut up! There had to be time for Cliff's confession and I had to wait 'til then either that or I would have ruined the story!" V shouted at the narrator. Suddenly at being spoken to she was made visible to the entire group.
"Daisy! Where have you been? I've worried so much about you. I'm sorry about Patches, but I found him only a couple days after you left!"
"Well, I didn't know where to go so I ended up here and they hired me to narrate their anniversary issue and a couple of stories. Cliff?"
"I'm sorry I left I should have listened to you. I was just so angry. You think maybe we could go home? I'm kinda tired of this narrating stuff."
"Of course, welcome home." With that the magician and his wife disappeared as the four remaining stared in absolute amazement.
The power of speech first returned to V. "Wow, that was something. I bet this is a Valentine's Day we'll never forget."
"Definitely." The three echoed still staring at where Cliff and Daisy had stood.
"I guess we all learned a good lesson. Love can do a great many things. Who would have thought Chiwawa and Chimama's wedding would have reunited a husband and wife." JenniAnn wondered.
"It is truly amazing." V responded.
"Well, it has been a long couple of days. I think I'm going to be heading home now. Its been.... an adventure, as always. Good bye Audrey and JenniAnn. Bye V it was nice meeting you." With that John left the castle and began the trek back home.
"I should be returning, too. See you all next time you need a mysterious stranger for one of your stories." With that V was gone as well.
"WAIT!" Audrey screamed! "We just lost our narrator because of you and you're going to leave just like that?" but the mysterious V had disappeared. "Last time I let you and your mystery men take over a story, JenniAnn," Audrey yelled at her co-president. "Now who's going to finish narrating? And who *has* been narrating since she left?"
With no answers to her ponders, Audrey made JenniAnn spend the rest of Valentine's Day getting the castle back in order. When she had finished, they decided to send John Valentines from the JABB members:
Valentine's Wishes to John/ Andrew from the members of the JABB YahooGroup
A Cyber-Valentine for Mr. John Dye:
On this first Valentine's Day of a new millennium, I wish you joy and I hope that you will be spending the day, (and a lifetime) with the lady of your dreams. You are a sweetheart and a true gentleman, and you clearly deserve the best!
Fond regards, Morrighan43
I want to wish you Love and Happiness and I hope that each Day you find love and kindness in each person you meet every day all year long Valentine's day is known for love so I hope each Day is Valentine's day for you!!!
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY JOHN & ANDREW
(Read in you best "Elmer Fudd" accent please)
Roseth are r-red,
Pewter ith g-grey,
Will our love ever
Th- Th- thee light of day?
Justh give me a kith
And forget all the resth
Or would Th-That b-be our rela-
"Kith of Death"?
I hope you have an excellent Valentine's Day! Your work has brought us all so much happiness! Thank you also for coming to Chiwawa's wedding, it really meant a lot to him and to Audrey and I.
Wow, I feel really odd sending the AOD a Valetine. Anyway, I hope you, Monica, and Tess have an excellent Valentine's Day. Who knows maybe you can even get to Paris. The most romantic city on the most romantic day of the year...... Hmm, I guess romance doesn't much matter to you (or does it??).... In any case, Happy Valentine's Day!
What a way to start a letter to a love of any kind. How often you must read those words and wonder why you are forced to endure this torment. "Dear John" they say! "Dear John"! Why not "Dear Mr. Dye" Then you'd have nothing to fear, but alas they say "Dear John" but don't worry, there are some who still love you, Mr. Dye.
An understanding fan and Co-Prez of JABB
Dearest Andrew, my loving companion, my escort to the great beyond. I am writing this to you on Valentine's Day to let you know of my love for you. You see, as an angel of death I must fear you, but for some reason I cannot. Perhaps it is because you make my job easier, perhaps it is simply the way you resemble a pumpkin, but none-the-less I'm writing to say 'I care'.
The Grim Reaper
And a special poem:
Roses are red, John is my passion
If it weren't for him, I'd give death my ration
But since he's here, I'll give death a go
Just b/c of a chance to see him all aglow!