the needle that pierces us that it may carry a thread
to bind us to heaven."
So... I kinda spaced this newsletter. I thought I had another week. Nope! I'm still working on the lengthy story one that will come out in November or December. So this is a bit short. And I feel overly giddy... It's weird going from a very dramatic story to something like this. You'd think I'd be used to it by now but nope! Anyhow, have a safe and happy Halloween!
Wouldn't it be awesome if on Halloween night, in between opening the door to assorted trick-or-treaters, you opened the door to find this guy?
So maybe not everyone would be thrilled to see Andrew. But we would be! And I'm sure he'd be happy to find shelter from the storm that is the reaper-infested Halloween festivities. I know we'd all do what we could to make him comfortable so I present...
Top Ten Ways to Make Your Halloween Party Andrew Friendly
10. Just let the man watch football! He deserves it!
9. Nothing says Halloween like orange juice and ginger ale mixed into festive jack-o-lantern shaped goblets!
8. Does pumpkin velvet cake exist? Find out! I'm confident Andrew would find little to hate in a celebration featuring a seasonal version of his favorite cake lovingly made by some chick who keeps staring dreamily at him.
7. Ask Andrew to dance with you right there in the living room to "The Great Pumpkin Waltz." Aww.
6. Make yummy sugar cookies shaped like pumpkins and let Andrew "help" as you ice them. Because love means letting the other person eat as much of the frosting as he wants without having to sneak it.
5. Have a Harry Potter movie fest. Then throw yourself at Andrew during Snape's tragic story in The Deathly Hallows Part II. Okay, so maybe having a girl weeping on him isn't exactly Andrew's idea of a perfect holiday. But a well-placed "Always..." should pretty much kill any annoyance instantly. And, honestly, probably make Andrew cry, too. Gosh darn it, Snape!
4. Go apple bobbing and dub yourself his hair holder backer. Okay, maybe that's more a way to make the party *you* friendly over Andrew friendly. Still... Go for it!
3. Have someone stand at the bottom of the drive way weeding out grim reapers. (Okay... so they should probably get candy but they can take it there... NO going up to the door!) Then send the rest of the little ones to the door where you can admire Andrew being utterly adorable as he smilingly doles out candy to the superheroes, princesses, etc.
2. All right... So maybe segregating the reaper-dressed children is cruel and Andrew would probably protest because he's too sweet to risk hurting a kid's feelings just to protect his own. So... Make it like a drinking game! Except, instead of drinks, substitute in various signs of affection directed at Andrew whenever iffy costumed kids show up. Here's a handy key:
- Your run of the mill ghoul- One hand squeeze
- Demon- A lingering arm squeeze
- That killer from the Scream movie that won't freaking going away no matter how old those movies are and how boring that costume is- One hug
- Grim Reaper- Let someone else answer. Move Andrew away from the door and get that "Great Pumpkin Waltz" going again!
And because I suspect Andrew would actually be more upset by these than a reaper...
- Ax murderer- Lingering hug with shoulder nuzzle
- Ax murderer victim- Lingering hug with shoulder nuzzle and kiss on the cheek
And if all of the above show up at your door... Stick the bowl of candy on your doorstep, lock up, turn out the lights, and I hope you've washed your hair recently cause I'm thinking Andrew's gonna have to do one of those heartbroken hugging and nuzzling your hair things. Like that's such a sacrifice on your part!
1. And finally... even though he already knows it tell him that God loves him just as exactly as he is and that there are plenty of people who do, too. Then slice up that pumpkin pie, pour the apple cider or butter beer and make a toast to the loveliest, most un-reaper-like AOD ever!
Ask a Stupid Question, Get a Stupid Answer: The Halloween Edition
Question: If I get Andrew to dress up as Prince Charming for Halloween, will he turn into a pumpkin at midnight?
Answer: Nope. He'll turn into a zucchini, though.
Question: Does Andrew know Edward Cullen?
Answer: Yep. And even Edward agrees Andrew is way cooler than he is and has way better hair.
Question: Can Andrew turn into a bat?
Answer: Nope. That's vampires, not AODs. But he sure looks awesome swinging one.
Question: If I stand in front of my bathroom mirror at midnight and chant Andrew's name three times, will he appear to me?
Answer: That's also a nope. But Bloody Mary will appear and tell you to get back to bed. Who stands around in a bathroom at midnight chanting names? Weirdo...
Question: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?
Answer. Andrew. Duh. And keep that darn poisoned apple away from him ya old wench.
Happy Halloween, JABBers!!!
This newsletter is dedicated to John and his enduring awesomeness. He is so awesome that I am now running behind yet again because I just can't seem to juggle my schedule well enough to incorporate all my John-related activities!
(Photo Credits: The photograph used on this page is from "Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions. It is not being used to seek profit.)