Question: How much wood would Andrew chuck if Andrew could chuck wood?

Answer: Why are you saying that like it's hypothetical?  Andrew can totally chuck wood.  I saw him.  He totally sent a 300 pound log flying during his last caber toss.  And he was wearing a kilt to boot!  Wait... I think that was a daydream.  Darn. That would totally explain why I was able to fly...  I was really wondering about that...

Question: I just thought you should know your website is boring.  I've been reading it for 5 hours straight with only Red Bull to keep me awake.  Seriously, you need to do something about this or your ratings will probably start to hit negative numbers.  I just thought you should know.  Why don't you try to spice it up?  Maybe add a werewolf of two?  What do you think?

Answer: Gee, thanks for the nice note.  But to answer your question... we did invite a couple of werewolves to join JABB.  But then they started duking it out with some vampires over some sulky girl.  And the vampires started sparkling and it just looked really too goofy to tolerate for very long.  It didn't end up mattering, anyhow.  The vampires saw Andrew all beautifully aglow and developed inferiority complexes and left.  And the werewolves... well, they realized that even with their abundance of hair they still couldn't top the lovely locks of His Studly Awesomeness and also went packing.  Oh well!  Who needs hairy man-beasts and the undead when you have an incredibly handsome angel of death?  No one!!!

Question: What would happen if if I dropped Andrew and Adam off together in the middle of a cornfield?

Answer:  Did the sheriff send you???  Why?  Why do you ask?!?  I already told him they don't know anything about those crop circles.  They swear.  They had nothing to do with them!  Sure, it looks a little suspicious that one is shaped like a turkey and the other like a football but we swear they know nothing about it!!!

Question: Does Andrew have a cell phone?  And how's the reception up there in Heaven?

Answer: Yes, Andrew has a cell phone.  But Heaven is like a movie theater.  You must turn your cell phones off.  No babies cry.  You can only have food and drinks if you got them there.  And for some reason there's always a promo playing for a movie starring Steve Carell.  It's really weird.

Question: I know you are hiding Andrew somewhere.  Like, for real.  Where is he?  Send him my way and nobody gets hurt.

Answer: He wouldn't fit in the FedEx box.  Sorry. 

:-)  Thanks again, Nicole.  Now... one of the other things keeping me busy is some fitness kick those around me are on.  And I'm trying my best to join them in their commitment to good health.  But as I was doing my jumping jacks and sit-ups, I couldn't help but think that my work-out routine just might be a little...  Well, you'll see!  ;-)

Top Ten Ways Your Work Out Routine is Totally Giving You Away as a John/Andrew Fan

10.  The music you listen to as you work out consists of "Paint It Black," Argent's "Hold Your Head Up," and "The Future's So Bright (I Gotta Wear Shades)".

9.  After each set of aerobics, you reward yourself by looking at a photo of John. 

8.  You didn't invest in arm weights and instead use bottles of ginger ale and/or coffee syrup.

7.  You've dressed a scarecrow up in a karate gi and you refer to him as "Virgil Keller... my faithful fitness friend!" 

6.  Speaking of Virgil... you view that part of Best of the Best where the guys are running on loop as you jog in place.  For inspiration, of course!  Bonus points if you listen to the theme from Chariots of Fire as you do.  Not cause it has anything to do with John.  But just cause it's awesome.

5.  The face of that dude who plotted to kill Andrew in "The Root of All Evil" is on your punching bag.

4.  To keep you motivated during kick-boxing, you recorded audio of Manion being a jerkface.

3.  Whenever you feel like skipping out on your morning run, you watch the Loveliness cry during "The Journalist" and that gets you out the door as you try madly to outrun your angst...

2.  Instead of counting as you do various exercises, you shout the names of the TBAA episodes which feature Andrew in order.  "The One That Got Away!"  "Til We Meet Again!"  "Rock n' Roll Dad!"  If you make it clear to "I Will Walk With You Part II!" then you are amazing!  And also need to start on those Tour of Duty episodes.  Ha!

1.  Finally...  You take the time to remind yourself that no matter how many push-ups you can manage, no matter how many calories you burn or don't, no matter if your tummy is flat or not so much... God loves you just the way you are.  Andrew said so.  John said so.  That's good enough for me.  Which brings me to...

JABB 335 is dedicated to John's ability to tell us with tenderness and passion that "He loves you perfectly, unconditionally."  He said it and helped us believe it and for that and so much more, we will never forget him.

JABB TOC

JABB 336

(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from "Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions except for the third which is from Best of the Best and owned by Best of the Best Films, Kuys Entertainment, SVS Films, and The Movie Group Inc. .  The images are not being used to seek profit.)