JABB 324- A Day in the Life of the Dyelanders

From: Andrew

Date: March 31st, 8:35 AM

To: Tess

Subject line: Dog walking

Hi Tess,

I'm in Dyeland today and Monica told me you were, too. How about we take Lulu and Widget for a walk this morning?

There are some things I'd really like to talk to you about. Just some things I have on my mind. If it's not a good day for you then maybe some other time?

Your friend,

Andrew

From: Rose

Date: March 31st, 9:56 AM

To: JenniAnn; Yva; Lady Beth; C.J.

Subject line: The Jolly Green must be attacked!!!

Hey,

My aunt just spoke to Tess who said she and Andrew were headed out to walk the dogs. You know what that means: the Jolly Green is unattended. I've missed using my silly string. :-)

I think we need to do a flannel shirt raid too. Now that it's warmer Andrew won't be wearing them much, anyway. We might as well enjoy them!

Take care,

Rose

From: Lady JenniAnn

Date: March 31st, 10:02 AM

To: Rose

Subject line: Re: The Jolly Green must be attacked!!!

Hi Rose,

Count me in.

Also... I love the lovely angel.

Just had to tell someone.

Fare thee well,

JenniAnn

From: Yva

Date: March 31st, 11:50 AM

To: Andrew

Subject line: Help needed

Hi Andrewkins,

I hope you have your cell phone and can get this even during your walk with Tess.

We need you. Us girls met at the Cafe for lunch and Bennie showed up. She said some things about you and now she and JenniAnn are engaging in a bar fight. I guess it would be a cafe fight.

The only fighting experience JenniAnn has is watching "Best of the Best" and she's not very good at it... Oh dear. Bennie just threw a drool bucket at her.

Hope to see you soon.

Very soon.

~Yva

From: Catherine

Date: March 31st, 12:33 PM

To: Andrew

Subject line: Worried

Hi Andrew,

I know I don't often email you but I just don't know what else to do. I'm really hoping you could have a talk with Vincent. He respects you and maybe he'll listen to you.

The mohawk has to go.

I don't know if it's some sort of midlife crisis or what's going on. And, God knows, I'm not a vain woman. But it looks awful. And he's already so tall and his hair so long that the mohawk actually hits the Tunnel ceilings! You know what's worse than a mohawk? A dented mohawk.

Please help. He just asked if I thought he'd look good as a bleach blonde.

Sincerely,

Catherine

From: Adam

Date: March 31st, 1:25 PM

To: Andrew

Subject line: Aliens

Hey buddy,

I don't want to alarm you but it seems a flying saucer has just landed in my yard.

They're exiting the craft...

They don't look friendly.

Are you busy?

Godspeed,

Adam

PS- We still on for that thing later?

From: Rose

Date: March 31st, 3:19 PM

To: JenniAnn; Yva; Lady Beth; C.J.

Subject line: Baseball bat alert!

Hey again,

JenniAnn, I hope you've had time to settle down and that the knot on your head has gone down. Bennie's mean. :-( But Andrew sure looked cute pulling you away from her!

I just want to drop you all a note to let you know that Andrew's fighting aliens in Adam's back yard. It's pretty cool. That baseball bat is coming in handy.

Also, he's wearing his leather jacket. Yay!

Rose

Subject line: NO!

NO. YOU CANNOT MARRY ANDREW!!!

From: C.J.

Date: March 31st, 4:07 PM

To: Rose; Lady Beth; Yva

Subject line: ER run

Well! This is just the perfect time for Andrew and Adam to go off on a buddymoon to Las Vegas. What do they think they're going to do there anyway?!?! They don't drink, they don't gamble, and I know they're not interested in showgirls. I mean, sure, saving a world from aliens is a big deal but come on!

And poor Catherine has her hands full. (Have you seen Vincent lately?) ::rolls eyes::

So I guess fixing this is up to us. Who wants to go with me to take our "Queen Tinkerbelle" for the cat scan she so clearly needs? I guess that drool bucket hit her harder than we thought...

Thanks,
C.J.

From: Andrew

Date: March 31st, 5:10 PM

To: All Dyeland

Subject line: Las Vegas

Dear friends,

It's come to my attention that there's a rumor flying around that I am in Las Vegas with Adam. This is not true.

We're in Ohio. On business. We'll be back soon.

Your friend,
Andrew

PS- Laja, why'd you send me a text message at 4:12 reading '"I do!" Just curious. Are you OK?

From: Vincent

Date: March 31st, 7:01 PM

To: Andrew

Subject line: Advice

Dear Andrew,

Recently I have decided that my appearance is lacking in a certain modern flair. I believe I have chosen a hairstyle to move me into the modern era but feel attire must come next. As your wardrobe is widely regarded as tasteful, attractive, and "swoon-inducing;" I was hoping you might advise me.

My first question is this: Exactly how many shirt buttons am I allowed to leave unbuttoned? It seems you would know.

Be well,
Vince

From: Andrew

Date: March 31st, 8:15 PM

To: Tess

Subject line: What I wanted to tell you

Hi Tess,

I'm sorry we got interrupted earlier but I thought I should head to the Cafe once I got that email about Laja. I just wish I'd gotten there before she took that drool bucket to the head... I knew those things were bad news. I mean if nothing else they're germy!

Then, of course, there were the aliens. Then that trip with Adam... I'll get to that in a moment. And I think something's wrong with Vincent... But I'll deal with that later.

What I wanted to tell you is a secret I've kept for almost 100 years and I just can't keep doing it.

I'm Bigfoot.

So is Adam.

Henry helps out sometimes.

It was 1920 something and I had a gig in a silent film as a monster. After we wrapped, the director said I could keep the costume. I didn't know what to do with it so I offered it to Adam. Then he told me he'd buy me a sarsaparilla if I put it on. He thought it would be funny. We were out in the woods so I didn't think it would amount to anything. So I put it on. Walked around a little. Next thing I knew everyone was talking about some apeman. And tourists were descending. The economy boomed. Adam decided we couldn't stop...

Then Henry heard about it, got excited, took the costume, and started making appearances all over the U.S., too! In

1967 it was my turn and someone got video of me and then things really heated up. Conventions started up. (Just stopped by one in OH.) I mean how were we supposed to let all these people down?

But I need out, Tess. My skin's breaking out. I think I've become allergic to the suit.

Help.

Your friend,
Andrew