So if you've been following our stories,
you know that Andrew's arm was recently broken by some guy who should
be glad the Dyelanders are largely anti-retaliation. While his
arm was healing, Andrew was given a lot of time off. Happily, he
is now cast free which means it's back to assignments for him! As
his writer on the YG, making up assignments for him there and here in
these newsletters largely falls to
me. Right now I have him as a school librarian (sweater
vest... glasses...). But there are just some jobs I would never
Andrew to. Here's my list of...
10. Crew member on the set of a horror film or any film featuring
murderous angels. Sad, so
9. Divorce attorney. Given Andrew's record with anger
adulterers and men who don't value their wives... I think he should sit
8. Heavily costumed character at a child's birthday party.
Andrew interacting with children is lovely. But let's keep his
face uncovered. (How Freudian is it that I originally typed
"Heavily" as "Heavinly"? Not spelled right, of course, but true!)
7. Bookseller. Sure, it sounds harmless. And who
doesn't like Andrew looking bookish? But with the resurgence of
romance novels featuring angels (they're the "new" vampires,
do we really want him developing a complex?
6. Teacher or coach at an all girls high school. Oh, Andrew
fine. He does awesome work as a teacher and coach. But I
having been a student at an all girls high school... how completely and
utterly and heartbreakingly smitten some of his students would
be. I heard about one girl who didn't even meet him, just watched
him on TV, and she's still obsessed with him 13 years later! Oh
5. Government aide to anyone involved in the U.S. health care
debate. I'd rather not have our boy screamed at.
4. Actor in a pharmaceutical commercial. No. Just no.
3. Speaking of actors... Andrew will not be any actor who
appears in the first two minutes of an episode in any part of the Law and Order
Why? Because that person has a good chance of ending up getting
loads of attention from the coroner. Approximately six weeks
after he filmed it, some Dyelander or another would be found shrieking
in their TV room.
2. Host of The Tonight Show
heck away from our Angel Boy, NBC! You completely messed with
Coco and there's no way we're letting you near Andand (and, no, I am
not recommending that really be a nickname for Andrew.)
1. Model. Don't get me wrong. He's definitely
handsome enough! But you just know they'd airbrush something and
he'd probly shrug it off. However, his cohorts would be
apoplectic and I don't want Andrew dealing with friends screaming into
their phones at editors and photographers about various of his
traits. How awkward would you feel asking your friend to please
stop loudly protesting the digital manipulation of your chest hair?
TBAA DVD Collections...
if they were produced by JABBers
So... Seasons 5 and beyond of TBAA
continue to get the shaft as far as a full-season DVD. However,
have started releasing episodes in special "collections." My
feelings about this are highly ambivalent. But it did make me
think... TPTB have put together "Hope" and "Holiday" collections.
Two more ("Love" and "Faith") will be released next week. But if
we were arranging these... what sets might we offer? Here are a
couple of my guesses:
Touched by an
Featured episodes: "The Journalist," "Lady of the Lake," "The Root of
All Evil" (cause Adam's flannel counts, too!), and some other S5 or
beyond episode that probly features Andrew in flannel but I've
forgotten because *some body* is keeping those episodes from us...
Extras: Photo Gallery of Andrew in flannel, Martha Williamson's
introductions are replaced by flannel-clad JABBers gushing about
Andrew's flannel shirts, and if you pop the disk into your CD drive on
your computer, you can print your very own Andrew and Adam paper dolls
with a variety of flannel shirts to match their truly awesome
jeans. In addition, you can print a 20% off coupon for use on a
men's flannel shirt so you can stare dreamily at it and
imagine... Okay, maybe we scratch that last bit? It sounds
potentially mentally unstable. Speaking of unstable, the next set
Touched by an Angel:
Featured episodes: "Til Death Do Us Part," "The Pact," "Two
Sides to Every Angel," and the finale.
Extras: This set will come packaged with bandages, an ice pack, and
other first aid you may need when you bash your head into the TV while
trying to get to a crying, overly troubled looking Andrew (i.e. have a
concussion moment). It
also comes with a wrap for the sprained ankle you will likely acquire
when you watch the final episode, proceed to the nearest field, run
around blinded by your tears, and trip over a root while screaming
"Come back, Andrew!!! I won't ever leave you!!!" Before
playing this special DVD, you must put it into your CD drive and
complete the medical waiver that pops up, legally prohibited you from
suing us for the emotional or physical damage caused by watching these
four episodes in quick succession.
Got any other mini-boxed set ideas? Let us know!
(Photo Credits: The photographs used
on this page are from "Touched by
an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon
Water Productions. They are not being used to seek profit.)