“Sensation tell us a thing is.
Thinking tell us what it is this thing is.
Feeling tells us what this thing is to us.”
~ Carl Gustav Jung

Hi all,

This newsletter is "ripped from the headlines!"  But not in the Law and Order "here's a crime you can freak out about" sense.  Big sigh of relief!  There were just a couple articles I read online that inspired these pieces.  They made me wonder how the people of Dyeland might respond.  Enjoy!

God bless,
Jenni

Notice from Dr. Andrew Johnson of St. Andrew's Hospital
Eirenikos, Dyeland

Ladies and gentlemen of Dyeland, you may or may not have heard that there's a bit of a kerfuffle in the psychology world.  The famous Rorschach ink blots were posted to Wikipedia with the most often given descriptions.  Some are worried that this will make the ink blots useless since anyone could just go to Wikipedia, get the "normal" answers, and "cheat."  I and my dedicated staff at St. Andrew's in Dyeland decided to meet the need of our fellows healers and create new ink blots.  To test them out, we asked random Dyelanders what they think the ink blots show.  At that point we, uh, realized they probably wouldn't work and that next time we shouldn't use brightly colored glitter paint.  But since we feel laughter is often the best medicine, we've recorded the responses (anonymously) below. 

#1



Answers:

"That's Adam in a mad dash to get his turkeys in for the night.  And the fading sun is perfectly hitting his lovely gray hair and radiant blue eyes making them visible even amidst the blur of brightly colored feathers.  Sigh..."

"I don't know...  It looks to me more like something the turkeys left behind after their last meal didn't agree with them."

#2



Answers:

"It looks like something you'd find on the floor after a malfunction of one of Willy's taffy machines!"

"An aerial shot of the whole lot of us in our tie-dyed T-shirts from last 4th of July?"

"The splatter on the floor the last time *someone* was painting easter eggs and then Andrew walked in wearing a flannel shirt and jeans and her jaw dropped... with the paint."

#3



Answers:

"Two purple clowns about to get into a boxing match.  One's a shipper and one's not.  Go Non-Shipper Purple Clown Boxer!!!"

"Two friends who ate way too many grapes sitting at a bar stool and talking about how they wish Andrew and Adam would show up in their bar a la 'Sign of the Dove.'  Also, they have really bad hair cuts and dye jobs.  And they apparently chew and spit tobacco.  Gross."

#4



Answers:

"An exotic moth one of the angels brought back after an assignment to a rain forest?  Oooh... did Andrew wear shorts again?  We need to buy Andrew more shorts!  Let's go shopping now!"

"Jacob got a hold of finger paints?"

"Oh great.  Apparently the Devil got sick of the glowing eyes, lion, dude from "MASH," Monica look-alike shtick and has decided to appear as a strange half-gorilla, half-insect monster.  Yawn."

#5



Answers:

"That's two angel posers with mismatched shoes and tie-dyed bath robes about to head-butt each other over who is the more awesome angel.  And neither has nothing on our angels!"

"Two pastel bunny rabbits with big ears standing up amid some flowers to see who that super cute blonde man wandering around the Fields of Gold is..."

"Did someone put one of those multi-color Andrew nickname shirts in a blender?"

#6



Answers:

"Some abstract artist's ode to Andrew of the gorgeous green eyes and super luxuriant golden hair.  Can I buy that?"

"What God would see if Andrew drove the Jolly Green Giant, Coolest and Loveliest of All Mini-Vans super, super fast... with his head out the window.  Because apparently in that painting Andrew is a really terrible driver."


Answers:

"Andrew dancing around quickly with his black umbrella, wearing his jeans and blue and gray flannel shirt.  Or maybe it's me in a black dress he's dancing with.  Yep, that's totally what it is.  Must go find Andrew..."

"Dyeland psychologists with too much time on their hands is what I see, babies."

So do you see anything in the ink blots?  Let us know if you do!
--------------------------------------------

So the other article I read was about how companies should always have up-to-date job descriptions for all of their employees.  The reason being that if that employee should get hit by the proverbial bus, they could rehire quickly instead of having to spend time figuring out after the fact what exactly that employee did.  Cozy idea, huh?  Well, Andrew can't get hit by a bus.  Or at least if he does, not much will happen.  But suppose he had a job description in Dyeland?  What might that look like???
Andrew's Dyeland Job Description

In the event that Andrew should become unable to fulfill his duties in Dyeland, the job description below will be used to rehire for the position.

Thank you,
Dyeland's Angel & Human Resources Director

Qualifications:
The ideal applicant must have a pleasant personality.  He will approach most situations with an even temper and ready smile.  However, he must also be willing to take a strong stance when needed.  Applicant must have a good sense of humor and while blushing is a plus he must not be too easily embarrassed by comments about his glorious hair, dazzling eyes, and all-over loveliness. The ideal applicant will be compassionate, loving, and unceasingly supportive of those around him.  He will speak openly about God and share God's love with others... and he will be loved.

Applicant must have over a thousand years experience dealing with humans cause, believe us, he will need it.  Video editing experience is a plus as is experience in a band.

Other requirements include but are not limited to:
  • must love dogs

  • must love humans
  • must love children
  • must have the ability to drive a large, green mini-van
  • must not be overly alarmed upon meeting the undead, people who look like fairy tale characters, or people who have famous movies/books named after them
  • must be able to sing "A Stor Mo Chroi," "Don't Fear the Reaper," "Dream Catch Me," and a wide variety of other songs on command
  • must be emotionally open but we, the members of Dyeland, Inc., are willing to work with the applicant on this

  • must be able to put up with teasing about their advanced age and be willing to tease back yet never actually reveal their age because really inquiring minds don't want to know as it would ruin the fun
  • must be able to bake the traditional Christmas dinner rolls
  • must be willing to celebrate Halloween even if applicant hates Halloween because his friends enjoy it and, besides, he looks adorable in costumes
  • must not be thoroughly embarrassed if they find themselves the subject of curriculum (see Androoler U) or scouting badges (see Dye Scouts)
  • must be willing to engage in mock presidential debates with his friends for the amusement of other friends and then get elected president only to be forced to resign some time later but still get stuck with a buncha responsibilities
  • must be able to endure countless Christmases that for better or worse strangely mimic holiday favorites
  • must write an annual address about how awesome he thinks we are and how blessed he feels thus giving us the warm-fuzzies
  • must always remember dates important to his friends
  • must be a jack of all trades and able to go from angelic duties to helping a friend fix turkey pens to writing a column for a newspaper to creating a documentary to being a handyman without straining himself
  • must be willing to take cooking lessons
  • must be able to watch some dude that looks an awful lot like him engage in questionable acts in a movie trailer so his naive friend won't have to watch it alone
  • must cope with unforeseen and potentially devastating events like... being arrested for murder, being disinvited to a friend's wedding, having to recall the horror of the witch trials, and tracking down a murderer with his trusty, very mortal friends with out flipping out and putting them under house arrest for their own safety
  • must be willing to watch episodes of Touched by an Angel with friends and offer up comments even if it does feel just a bit awkward...
  • must be a great buddy to his AOD Band mates
  • must be willing to fight, fight, fight with all that's in him if he feels a post-tragic assignment nervous breakdown coming on that will emotionally divide him from his friends...
  • the ideal applicant will win the above mentioned fight and his friendships will be stronger for it
  • the ideal applicant will also follow that stumble up with piecing together, with a dear friend, a list highlighting all the wonderful events in Dyeland
  • must never, ever let Eben win
  • must be able to keep fellow AODs distracted whilst parties are prepared in their honor
  • must be able to stand up to nutty, cruel funeral protesters
  • must enjoy playing football
  • must be able to gently console his friends after any of the following: death of a pet (LJA), bullying from supposed crazy guardian-stalking girl (Yva), reappearance of long lost father (Rose), reappearance of long lost mother (Vincent), death of longtime love (Josef), and so much more

  • must allow friends to help him out when he's inundated with scandalizing unwanted phone calls
  • must be willing to fill out random Facebook memes for no other reason than something needs to be put in the biweekly Dyeland newsletter
  • must know the rules to Andrewopoly
  • must answer to many, many, many different nicknames

Applicant must own or have access to all of the following:
  • flannel shirts
  • beige sweater
  • jeans
  • green shirt
  • white flowy shirt
  • suits in muted earth tones
  • tool belt
  • unattractive tasseled shoes
  • professorial sweater and tie combos
  • leather jacket
  • glasses

  • variety of Halloween costumes even though he does not love Halloween

Applicant must also be prepared to sport a variety of hair styles such as:
  • long, flowy locks
  • short cropped hair
  • goatee
  • side burns
  • medium length shaggy hair
  • full beard
Upon further reflection, the AHR Director and members of Dyeland, Inc. have decided that no other applicant can ever fill this position except for Andrew.  This position is filled and will never, ever be available to anyone else. 



JABB TOC

CABB 10

(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from Touched by an Angel and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions. They are not being used to seek profit.)