"These things I
warmly wish for you--
someone to love,
some work to do,
a bit o' sun
a bit o' cheer
and a guardian angel
~Old Irish Greeting
in order to get back on
track with the schedule so that
newsletters line up correctly on JABB "holidays" and St. Patrick's Day
doesn't get skipped, I had to do this lil
filler newsletter. Unfortunately, the only thing I could think of
was the following. I guess I'm watching way, way too much
news about the current U.S. presidential race. Not gonna get into
all that but one aspect of it did inspire the first part of this.
Hillary Clinton ran an ad that basically said "It's 3 AM. A phone
rings in the White House... Who do you want answering that
phone?" YouTube immediately had swarms of parodies featuring not
any of the presidential hopefuls
answering the 3 AM call but instead the Ghostbusters or Jack Bauer
("24"), etc. So here's my take on who I'd want to answer...
A wee bit o' St. Patrick's Day
interactive entertainment follows.
3 AM. Angels, humans,
pets are sleeping. Somewhere in Dyeland a phone rings...
"Yep, hey, Andrew."
"It's 3 AM. What are you doing up, let alone calling
"Oh, you know, I just thought I
should know who answers the main
Dyeland line at 3 AM. Like in that political
"Oh, right. Don't you think may be you should turn CNN off
"Naw. At this point
there's just a buncha infomercials on
other channels. I don't really want to buy an elliptical machine
have healthy food delivered to my door or, uh, pharmaceutical products
that would be awkward to discuss."
"I see. Well, here's a novel idea. Why don't you
"Oh, usually I would. But,
see, I had breakfast in the Tunnels
and, of course, I had to have tea. Then I met up with Nigel and
he had tea, too, so I joined him. Then I happened to run into
Monica who was
visiting so, of course, we had to go to the Cafe and mochas were
buy-one-get-one-free. So we each had four."
"And Diet Code Red Mountain Dew
was on sale at the grocery here..."
"Obama is doing the Robot
"Umm... I really don't think he is, Laja."
"You're right. You're
right. No, it's actually the Electric
Slide and Clinton is joining him. And... oh my gosh! McCain
is trying to start the Quadrille. And Mr. Darcy and Colonel
Brandon are joining in!!! This is awesome!!! I'm going out
"Wait... wait! You're telling me three presidential
and two Jane Austen characters are dancing the Quadrille on your
"And Homer Simpson."
"I'm going out..."
"No! How about you wait
for me and I'll
come over and then we'll go dance the Quadrille together, okay?
Stay off the balcony until then. Promise me?"
"Okay, Andrew. I'll wait."
"Okay, see you in just a moment."
Andrew then hangs up the phone and
stares up at his ceiling.
"Help!" Next thing he
knows he's in the hallway outside Lady
JenniAnn's room. He knocks and when he hears her call for him to
come in, he does. He finds her sitting on her bed and laughing
hysterically at her empty balcony.
"Andrew!!! Let's dance!
senators are waiting!" JenniAnn smiles brightly (a little too
brightly) and holds her hand out to Andrew.
"They're going to wait a little bit longer, my friend.
there's someone even more important you need to see." Andrew
grabs JenniAnn's hand and begins to lead her to the door.
"No! No more coffee. A doctor. At St.
"St. Andrew's back?
Where!?" She pulls
away and begins
searching the room.
Andrew goes after her and
leads her to the door. "No, not
the person. The hospital. I think you overdosed on
"But the Quadrille..."
"It can wait until tomorrow. Now come on, please, Laja?"
"Where you lead, I will
answers, staring dreamily at
Andrew shakes his head as
woman begins to sing the Carole King song
by that name. In a few minutes he safely gets Lady JenniAnn to
St. Andrew's Hospital for treatment of caffeine overdose. Crisis
The above was a dramatization.
But who *do* you want answering
the Dyeland phone at 3 AM in the event
of a caffeine-crisis or drool bucket flooding?
Vote Andrew for Official 3 AM
Phone Answerer of Dyeland.
Paid for by the People for Andrew as Official 3 AM
Phone Answerer of Dyeland.
I'm Andrew and I
Okay, now that I've got that out of
system... The next newsletter will be sent after St. Patrick's
Day which was another reason I wanted to do this newsletter. As
many of you may know, March 17th, 2000 is when Andrew first came to
Dyeland. Therefore, this Irish holiday is of some importance to
the Dyelanders even if they aren't themselves Irish. So I didn't
feel right skipping over it. So... please enjoy this St.
Patrick's Day-themed madlib.
body part plural
verb past tense
verb past tense
St. Patrick's Day dawned bright and (adjective). Andrew got out
of his bed with a (adjective) smile on his face and selected
(adjective) pants and a (adjective) shirt from his closet. He
(adverb) got dressed and ready for the day. After eating breakfast, he
glanced through cookbooks and selected recipes for authentic Irish
(food) and (drink) which he would prepare in a (adjective) manner for
the guests that would be arriving at (time of day). He really
hoped all (number) of them would have a (adjective) time and enjoy the
stories and music. He was looking forward to performing "(song
title)" which was his favorite Irish song. Mick had also promised
to tell a story his Irish mother used to tell him called "(first name)
the Irish (creature)." Andrew was sure it would be (adjective)
and leave everyone clapping their (body part plural)!
But there was a lot to do before the party. Andrew had to find
his (noun) and (noun) which, of course, no St. Patrick's Day party
should be with out. He also needed to call Adam and remind him to
bring his (musical instrument). He (adverb) dialed his friend and
To which Adam said,
They both (verb past tense) and then planned their (adjective)
Next Andrew began to clean his house. He didn't stop until every
inch of the place was (adjective). Satisfied, Andrew set the
(noun plural) on a side table so he could easily hand them out to his
guests as they entered.
After that was finished, Andrew took his dog, Lulu, outside where she
ran around the yard (adverb). Once they were back inside, Andrew
put a shamrock printed (clothing item) on the dog and assured her,
"Lulu, you look (adjective)!"
Before Andrew knew it, it was time for the guests to arrive! They
all (verb past tense) as they received their party favors from
him. Everyone shouted "(exclamation)" when the AOD Band performed a
Celtic version of "(song title)." Andrew thought it was the
(adjective -est) St. Patrick's Day he'd ever had. As they sat
down for dinner, Andrew looked around the table and gave his friends
(adjective) looks. He hoped they'd never forget this (adjective)
day. He knew he never would.
you come up with a particularly amusing result, feel free to share!
(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from "Touched by
an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon
Water Productions. They are not being used to seek profit.)