"These things I warmly wish for you--
someone to love,
some work to do,
a bit o' sun
a bit o' cheer
and a guardian angel
always near."
~Old Irish Greeting

Hi all,

Okay, in order to get back on track with the schedule so that newsletters line up correctly on JABB "holidays" and St. Patrick's Day doesn't get skipped, I had to do this lil filler newsletter.  Unfortunately, the only thing I could think of was the following.  I guess I'm watching way, way too much news about the current U.S. presidential race.  Not gonna get into all that but one aspect of it did inspire the first part of this.  In short, Hillary Clinton ran an ad that basically said "It's 3 AM.  A phone rings in the White House...  Who do you want answering that phone?"  YouTube immediately had swarms of parodies featuring not any of the presidential hopefuls answering the 3 AM call but instead the Ghostbusters or Jack Bauer ("24"), etc.  So here's my take on who I'd want to answer...  A wee bit o' St. Patrick's Day interactive entertainment follows.

God bless,

3 AM

It's 3 AM.  Angels, humans, and pets are sleeping.  Somewhere in Dyeland a phone rings...




"Yep, hey, Andrew."

"It's 3 AM.  What are you doing up, let alone calling people?"

"Oh, you know, I just thought I should know who answers the main Dyeland line at 3 AM.  Like in that political

"Oh, right.  Don't you think may be you should turn CNN off for a little bit?"

"Naw.  At this point there's just a buncha infomercials on other channels.  I don't really want to buy an elliptical machine or have healthy food delivered to my door or, uh, pharmaceutical products that would be awkward to discuss."

"I see.  Well, here's a novel idea.  Why don't you sleep?"

"Oh, usually I would.  But, see, I had breakfast in the Tunnels and, of course, I had to have tea.  Then I met up with Nigel and he had tea, too, so I joined him.  Then I happened to run into Monica who was visiting so, of course, we had to go to the Cafe and mochas were buy-one-get-one-free.  So we each had four."


"And Diet Code Red Mountain Dew was on sale at the grocery here..."



"Obama is doing the Robot on my balcony."

"Umm... I really don't think he is, Laja."

"You're right.  You're right.  No, it's actually the Electric Slide and Clinton is joining him.  And... oh my gosh!  McCain is trying to start the Quadrille.  And Mr. Darcy and Colonel Brandon are joining in!!!  This is awesome!!!  I'm going out there!"

"Wait... wait!  You're telling me three presidential candidates and two Jane Austen characters are dancing the Quadrille on your balcony?"

"And Homer Simpson."

"And Homer..."

"I'm going out..."

"No!  How about you wait for me and I'll come over and then we'll go dance the Quadrille together, okay?  Stay off the balcony until then.  Promise me?"

"Okay, Andrew.  I'll wait."

"Okay, see you in just a moment." 

Andrew then hangs up the phone and stares up at his ceiling.  "Help!"  Next thing he knows he's in the hallway outside Lady JenniAnn's room.  He knocks and when he hears her call for him to come in, he does.  He finds her sitting on her bed and laughing hysterically at her empty balcony. 

"Andrew!!!  Let's dance!  The senators are waiting!"  JenniAnn smiles brightly (a little too brightly) and holds her hand out to Andrew.

"They're going to wait a little bit longer, my friend.  Right now there's someone even more important you need to see."  Andrew grabs JenniAnn's hand and begins to lead her to the door.

"Oooh.  Coffee?"

"No!  No more coffee.  A doctor.  At St. Andrew's."

"St. Andrew's back?  Where!?"  She pulls away and begins searching the room.

Andrew goes after her and again leads her to the door.  "No, not the person.  The hospital.  I think you overdosed on caffeine."

"But the Quadrille..."

"It can wait until tomorrow.  Now come on, please, Laja?"

"Where you lead, I will follow,"  she answers, staring dreamily at him.

Andrew shakes his head as the woman begins to sing the Carole King song by that name.  In a few minutes he safely gets Lady JenniAnn to St. Andrew's Hospital for treatment of caffeine overdose.  Crisis averted.

The above was a dramatization.

But who *do* you want answering the Dyeland phone at 3 AM in the event of a caffeine-crisis or drool bucket flooding?

Vote Andrew for
Official 3 AM Phone Answerer of Dyeland.

Paid for by the People for Andrew as
Official 3 AM Phone Answerer of Dyeland.

I'm Andrew and I approve this message. 

Okay, now that I've got that out of my system...  The next newsletter will be sent after St. Patrick's Day which was another reason I wanted to do this newsletter.  As many of you may know, March 17th, 2000 is when Andrew first came to Dyeland.  Therefore, this Irish holiday is of some importance to the Dyelanders even if they aren't themselves Irish.  So I didn't feel right skipping over it.  So... please enjoy this St. Patrick's Day-themed madlib.

You'll need:
time of day
song title
first name
body part plural
musical instrument
verb past tense
noun plural
clothing item
verb past tense
song title
adjective -est

St. Patrick's Day dawned bright and (adjective).  Andrew got out of his bed with a (adjective) smile on his face and selected (adjective) pants and a (adjective) shirt from his closet.  He (adverb) got dressed and ready for the day.  After eating breakfast, he glanced through cookbooks and selected recipes for authentic Irish (food) and (drink) which he would prepare in a (adjective) manner for the guests that would be arriving at (time of day).  He really hoped all (number) of them would have a (adjective) time and enjoy the stories and music.  He was looking forward to performing "(song title)" which was his favorite Irish song.  Mick had also promised to tell a story his Irish mother used to tell him called "(first name) the Irish (creature)."  Andrew was sure it would be (adjective) and leave everyone clapping their (body part plural)!

But there was a lot to do before the party.  Andrew had to find his (noun) and (noun) which, of course, no St. Patrick's Day party should be with out.  He also needed to call Adam and remind him to bring his (musical instrument).  He (adverb) dialed his friend and said "(exclamation)."

To which Adam said, "(exclamation)."

They both (verb past tense) and then planned their (adjective) day. 

Next Andrew began to clean his house.  He didn't stop until every inch of the place was (adjective).  Satisfied, Andrew set the (noun plural) on a side table so he could easily hand them out to his guests as they entered.

After that was finished, Andrew took his dog, Lulu, outside where she ran around the yard (adverb).  Once they were back inside, Andrew put a shamrock printed (clothing item) on the dog and assured her, "Lulu, you look (adjective)!" 

Before Andrew knew it, it was time for the guests to arrive!  They all (verb past tense) as they received their party favors from him.  Everyone shouted "(exclamation)"
when the AOD Band performed a Celtic version of "(song title)."  Andrew thought it was the (adjective -est) St. Patrick's Day he'd ever had.  As they sat down for dinner, Andrew looked around the table and gave his friends (adjective) looks.  He hoped they'd never forget this (adjective) day.  He knew he never would.

~The End~

If you come up with a particularly amusing result, feel free to share!

JABB 242

(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from "Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions.  They are not being used to seek profit.)