happiness are an impossible combination."
- from Mark Twain's The Mysterious
Welcome to JABB 237!
Before I get to the actual content, I just
wanted to remind everyone of the upcoming Dye Day chats. They are:
February 1st at 7 PM Central
February 2nd at noon Central
I have still not decided where the
will be held. Therefore, you'll need to RSVP ASAP if you are
planning to attend so I will know to notify you of where the chat will
be held. If you need help figuring out when those times are for
you then please check here:
Hope to see you there to celebrate John's 45th birthday!!!
Before I close this intro, just wanted to thank Nicole for the top
ten! With out it you'd all just have me rambling.
I'd like to pass along this amusing top ten that Nicole
wrote. I like it, even if it does poke fun at yours truly.
Top Ten Things for an Androoler
After Being Committed:
10. Act out favorite
episodes by heart as best you can. You get to
"Rock and Roll Dad" and remember you don't have an umbrella, so you
plead and beg for one. But it is all in vain and you quickly become
tired of acting without any props.
9. Sit on your bed
wait for Andrew to bring you coffee
like he did Monica in "Voice of an Angel."
8. If he doesn't, demand
7. Begin to belt out
Andrew-related tunes such as "Johnny Angel" and
"Don't Fear the Reaper". The hospital staff responds by putting you in
a much more sound proof room.
6. You happen to have a
view room, and every morning when you
wake up, you're at first convinced that the sun coming through the
window is Andrew beginning to glow. You are disappointed to find no one
there, so you begin to call out, "Andrew! Andrew come back! I'm awake!"
5. When your mother visits
you ask her ever so kindly to sneak you
in a portable DVD player and some of the classic Andrew episodes. You
tell her that without them, you may just go insane. She responds by
looking at you quizzically. You then remember that she is convinced
that you already are.
4. You have by now figured
that it was only the sun giving off the
daily wake up glow. So now you get up every morning and wrap the white
sheet off your bed around yourself and stand in front of the window,
causing the sheet to appear like it is glowing. You then begin to
declare revelations to your Andrew bear.
3. Whenever anyone comes
door of your room you stand up
straight, look them straight in the eye and begin to quote
Declaration of Independence. Specifically the lines that about “certain
unalienable rights. That among these are Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of
Happiness.” Then you go on to add that also among these rights are
“being obsessed with beautiful,
blonde, wonderful Angels of Death with
the best hair ever! And Andrew's cooler than you!” For some reason, the
doctors don't seem to care about that last part...
2. Begin writing a bunch
Tens for future newsletters. Fill a
whole notebook full and then mail it to Jenni and hope she isn't living
just down the hall from you by now. ;-) *
writing the curriculum for Androoler
University. You're sure that by the time you get out of this place they
have you locked in, you'll have a book deal and enough money to open
your own institution: where everyone learns about someone, er, I mean
something they're interested in. Specifically a certain Angel of Death.
*All in fun, Jenni, all in fun!
Good job, Nicole, and thanks! And now...
(Or Thank God Jenni Isn't in the WGA Cause This is Gosh-Awful)
Okay, so I was at a loss about what to do with the rest of this
newsletter. Then I got to thinking about how, with the strike
still going strong, many of the late night comedians/talk show hosts
have had to return with out their writers. Further, they are
banned from writing for their own shows as doing so would be engaging
in "struck work." So now they're supposed to ad lib
everything. That got me thinking... JABB is often written
in drafts or at least plotted out in my head sometimes months before
it's sent. The stories, especially, may go through several
versions before I decide on one that works. What if I couldn't do
that? What if everything had to be ad libbed on the spot?
So here's my attempt to do a monologue for JABB with out any
preparation at all. I gave no thought to what I would say, I'm
just writing as things pop into my head.
So... last night on
"Moonlight" those of us who watched the show got a
glimpse of the vampire lodge/clubhouse. Got me thinking. If
the angels of death had a clubhouse, how would they decorate it?
The vamps went for expensive furniture and professional portraits of
their glorious selves. I think our AODs are a more grounded, less
pretentious, do-it-yourself kinda bunch. I think Adam would have
a poster of a turkey, possibly just tacked up with push pins or
stick-tack. I'm envisioning a dartboard with a caricature of a
grim reaper. A basketball hoop over a door. Possibly a
scrawled poster board featuring hand-written additions under the title
of "Tess' Famous Tough Love Statements." There would be a vending
machine filled with nothing but orange juice, ginger ale, and
sarsaparilla. For decor they'd probably have anything from
a bean bag chair leftover from an assignment in the 1960s to sketches
left behind by people like DaVinci, Michaelangelo, and Van Gogh.
As knick-knacks they'd have everything from Swavorski crystal items
given to them by wealthy, grateful assignments to stuffed animals,
plastic army men, and toy cars awarded to them by their youngest
assignments. And, of course, best of all there'd be Andrew, Adam,
and Henry having a good time. How do *you* think they'd decorate?
Umm... Okay, well, it sounded like a good idea but clearly I'm
not cut out for ad libbing! Danika, my dog, even realizes
the above is lame cause she's started whining and shooting me dirty
looks. Still... it would be fun to see an AOD clubhouse. Oh
well! Moving on...
Tutorial Part I
Originally I had considered turning this issue into one like JABB 176
where I'd go through the web page and explain where you can find
what. Just cause the membership and the site itself has changed
quite a bit since I wrote that. However, I've instead decided to
break it into chunks and explain a subsection or two here and there as
we have time. So today we'll talk about the links above the words
"Our Other Stuff" on the Main TOC. All this can be accessed from
after you click the bucket logo. Here
Once you're at the Main TOC, the first link you'll find is actually the
"Stop the hate!!" logo.
Once you click into that you'll see some quotes from TBAA and then our
official hate-free mission statement. You should check it out sometime
if you've not already.
The next link you'll come across has a title beginning "First time
visitor?" This is a list of questions I get frequently from
site visitors. Some also happen to be the questions that most
annoy the heck out of me (#1, 3, 4 and 5, specifically). So I'd
hoped putting the link there near the top of our page would cut down on
those. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. In any
case, if you're wondering about something that could be a good
resource. (For those of you viewing the web version, Andrew's
expression to the right is very reminiscent of my face when asked
question 1, 3, 4, or 5. ;-)
Then we come to the 12 Steps and Newsletters which are pretty
self-explanatory. This section contains every newsletter we ever
sent. I typically add the latest newsletters to the page every
3-6 weeks. The 12 Steps page
also features some other links like the TBAA Keepers list, our
guestbook archives, and a very touching fairy tale entitled "The Angel
of Direst Necessity" that was submitted to us by Anna. I believe
12 Steps was the first JABB web page created.
After that section is an Email Us link
with various JABB-related email addresses which you probably already
And that's just a very small portion of what the JABB site offers but
we'll get back to these mini-tutorials some other time. Right
now... I better start looking into Dye Day chat rooms!
The photographs used on this
page are from "Touched by
an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon
Water Productions. They are not being used to seek profit.)