"One unquestioned text we read,
beyond, all fear above;
crackling pile nor cursing creed
or blot it: God is Love."
I've been working on the Photo
Gallery on the site
pretty extensively for the past couple of weeks. It's made me
about how many roles John's played and how JABB doesn't really give any
of them but Andrew their due. So I've decided to try to do an
Andrew-free newsletter and instead focus on his other characters.
think I can do it? ;-) Do you think Lady JenniAnn can do
see cause I've opted to write the rest of this newsletter as my Dyeland
Also, for those of you who read the online version of these:
Increasingly often I've been using fonts I downloaded from 1001FreeFonts.com. This
particular one is typed in one of my personal favorites: Apple
Butter. So I'm going to try to remember to include the name of
the font at the bottom of JABB web pages in case anyone is interested
in expanding their font collection and/or seeing these pages as I see
have decided to try an experiment! Don't look so scared. I
doesn't involve any heavy machinery. I've decided I'm going to
go a whole day with out mentioning or having any contact with that
blonde angel guy. I can't even say his name. Instead, I'm
going to be
contacting the other real people that John Dye has portrayed: see what
they're up to, how their lives are going, and all that jazz.
up... Todd Barrett made famous in the movie "Campus Man."
Woman's voice: Todd Barrett's
office. How may I help you?
I'd like to speak to Mr. Barrett, please. Tell him it's a friend
Duluth, please. (Note: Just so ya'll know, Duluth is code for our
Woman: One moment,
::ringing, then a click
some scuffling noises.::
Todd: Can we lower the
towel? Just a little. A half-inch
may be. Still not right. How about some red boxers?
you? I'd recognize that
uncomfortable fake coughing any where!
Yeah. Do I even want to know what you're
Oh, you know, a calendar. This time Duluth's Hottest Postal
And I mean really Duluth not... you know. I was confused when you
called this time.
Todd: Hey any chance
Andrew are getting on board with that
"AOD of the Month" calendar?
Todd: I didn't
so. So how are they?
Just finished a long-term
assignment. The other guy's doing well. Looking well...
Todd: "The other
guy"??? What's the matter? Did you
have a fight with "the other guy?"
Me: NO! If you
I'm attempting to go the whole day with
out talking to him or mentioning his name.
::laughing:: I think I may need to call Skip up and see if he
take bets on this one. I think you'll break by... 1:27 PM.
::laughs:: That's pretty exact. We'll see. Anyhow, so
the day catching up with some of the rest of you. So how's life?
Great! I've published 20 calendars this month alone. I'm
on a self-help book. I'm going to help people develop
skills over a 12 month period. It seems appropriate for a
Me: Oh so you fancy
titan now? ::giggles::
Hilarious, Todd. But that's great.
::chuckles:: Oh you know that ego of mine... ::crashing
Yikes. I have to go. Mr. February just found out Mr. July
an affair with his wife.
Me: Oh dear!
Todd: Such is
Listen, you have fun catching up with everyone and not talking about
You Know Who. Tell everyone in "Duluth" hello for me. Catch
Me: 'K, bye Todd.
At that point I decided to
call Skip, the guy from "Making the Grade,"
Skip: This is Skip.
Me: Hey, Skip.
JenniAnn. From Dyeland. How are
talking:: I'm just great.
::confused:: Skip, did you just check with your old school
before answering "How are you?" Couldn't you answer for yourself?
Me: ::rolling eyes::
c'mon. Don't be such a follower.
I want to know how you are really. So?
Skip: ::more indistinct
noise:: I'm in the bathroom now.
Skip: No, I'm just
here. I can talk.
Me: Why are you
in the bathroom now?
Skip: So I can talk
the other guys hearing and telling me what
Skip! That's horrible. This is your home. Tell them
to leave if you
don't want them around. You shouldn't be holed up in your
just to carry on a conversation.
Skip: But how will I
to wear with out them?
Me: Wear whatever you
want! Skip, you're over 40 years old.
It's time to live for yourself. Step out of Bif's shadow.
Skip: I'll try.
something I've been wanting to ask you.
What do you think of the status of contemporary memoirs? It seems
me that with so many claims to our attention, authors have to ensure
they have a gripping story in order for their books to be
And the public eats up a juicy, troubling memoir. So can we
blame the authors when it comes out that they exaggerated or fabricated
entire incidents in their alleged memoirs? Are they just giving
what we demand?
After I recovered from the
shock of realizing Skip was actually an intellectual, we had a 45
minute discussion about truth in writing, avant-garde
Joyce Hatto classical music hoax. Then Skip had to go shopping
green sweaters with Bif. Sigh... Poor guy. I then opted to
Bill Morgan at his office.
Bill: Bill here. How can
I help you?
just checking in. How've ya been?
Bill: ::silence:: Okay.
Me: Is something wrong?
It's just last time I talked to one of you Dyeland people she flipped
out in my office and demanded I tell her how to make Andrew fall in
love with her.
Me: ::laughing:: Oh
yeah! I heard about that. Hilarious!
Bill: For you may be.
Me: Oh now, it couldn't
been that bad. How's the family?
::relaxing:: Great. Kyle and Brittany got straight A's last
school. Right now they're at summer camp. Our youngest,
really starting to talk. Kristin's a great mother. How's
Me: I can't say.
do you mean you can't say?
Me: I'm trying to go a
day with out talking about him or
thinking about him or writing about him...
hysterically:: Wow. Really?
Me: Yeah. I took
time I'd usually spend, umm, gazing dreamily
person to call Todd. He's doing well. Was breaking up a
though, between a couple Mr. Months. Skip... turns out he's a
frustrated intellectual. Who knew?
Bill: You're kidding!
Bill: So let's go back
resolution. A whole day?
Me: ::sighs:: Mmm
Bill: So how's that
Me: What are
you?!? Dr. Phil now???
Bill: Kristin enjoys
him. He makes some good points. So?
Bill: That was vague
Me: I called to talk
you, Bill. To give some of the John
Dye fans some news about you.
In that case, business is good, family's great. We're going to
Springs for a vacation after the kids get back. Then I think we
might get a dog.
Me: I got *him* a
Bill: Then I think we
invite the Easter Bunny over and TP the
neighbors'. Or may be go skinny-dipping. No, I think we'll
that for when Lucky the Leprechaun stops by.
Bill: Later, Labor Day
I are going to start our own heavy
metal band. We're going to call ourselves the Unholy Graphix
Bill: After that
and I are going to run around Andrew's
yard in grim reaper costumes.
Me: ::snapping to
attention:: What!?!? Andrew!
did the trick. Tell your readers
I'm doing great, my family's doing great and you... go call
Andrew. Some resolutions aren't meant to be kept.
Me: Okay... So
a day with out Andrew.
Bill: It was a
effort. Take care.
Me: You too.
So then, of course, I did call
Andrew. But I'm keeping the
that conversation to myself. A lady's entitled to some mystery,
right? For the record, I didn't break until 1:29 PM. Take
that, Todd! I lasted 2 more minutes than you thought I
Anyhow, may be I'll get
to calling some other people
other time. But there's the info on Todd, Skip, and Bill.
you'll excuse me, I need to go put some ginger ale in the fridge to
chill. *He* is coming over to chat!
Fare thee well,
(Font: Apple Butter)
Credits: The photographs used on this page are from (top to
owned by RKO Pictures, "Making
the Grade" owned by Cannon Film
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, "Once Upon a Christmas" owned by Ardent
Legacy Filmworks, Lincoln Field Productions, Sterling/Winters Company
Studios, and Viacom Productions Inc., and
"Touched by an Angel" owned by
CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions. They
are not being used to seek profit.)