person needs a little madness,
else they never dare cut the rope and be free."
Welcome to JABB 215. Before I get to the latest newsletter, I'd
like to make an explanation about JABB 214. See... that contest
was supposed to be in celebration of Past Assignments' Day.
Unfortunately, I neglected to mention that any where in JABB 214.
Okay... so I just plain completely forgot about Past Assignments'
Day. I'm a bad made-up-holiday rememberer, I guess! The
fact that the contest dealt with past assignments was just a happy
coincidence. So... yeah... Happy belated Past Assignments'
Day! Perhaps next year I'll remember!
And now onto JABB 215 which has absolutely nothing to do with any
Mottos for JABB
Anyone who has been to our index
has probly noticed the motto that surrounds our bucket logo: "Where
loving Andrew is not a crime, but a healthy livelihood that anyone can
thrive off of!" In actuality, the original motto was "Where
loving Andrew is not a crime, but a healthy livelihood that all women
thrive off of!" But, alas, not all women do love Andrew and some
guys out there might so we switched it up a bit. But just a
bit. Suppose we wanted to change JABB's motto? May be to
one of these...
JABB: We don't know where John Dye is but we're still here!
JABB: Now 100% free of transfat!
JABB: The only John Dye fan group with its own parody of Willem Dafoe's
death scene in "Platoon."
JABB: Cause AODs are hot.
JABB: People Magazine and such may say "60 is the New Sexy!" but we
know that 60 bajillion (like Andrew) is the new
JABB: Cause Jenni doesn't know what else one does with a Theology
JABB: Behind every strong AOD there are a bunch of strong women trying
to tackle him.
JABB: Free small fry with your next order.
JABB: No, really. We have absolutely no idea where John Dye
is. And yet we're still here... It's called persistence!
JABB: The only fan group to join if you always wanted to have a
tool belt wearing chihuahua as a mascot.
JABB: We're like Trekkies minus the fake Vulcan ears, conventions,
two-toned suits, abundance of memorabilia... Okay, so may be
we're not like Trekkies.
JABB: The fan group that drools together, stays together.
JABB: What do you mean TBAA was canceled three years ago???
JABB: If loving Andrew *were* a crime, we'd be career criminals cause
he's just too cute to quit.
Advice from the
Angel of Angels
Well, I think everyone would agree that recycling is a good
thing. Which is why I'm pleased to present an advice column that
Karen and I worked on for a TBAA fanzine project that never quite took
off. The idea with this column was that it would give both angels
and humans the opportunity to write to the Angel of Angels (as heard
and just barely seen in the episode "Clipped Wings") to seek
advice. Since this was not meant to be a strictly JABB project,
Andrew is not mentioned overtly in some of these, including one I offer
here. But I don't think it takes much imagination to imagine him
into these scenarios! I hope you enjoy and if you'd like to make
up a question for the Angel of Angels, just email me. I'll be
sure to pass it along. ;-)
Dear Angel of Angels,
I have been dating this guy for
about 6 months now. My feelings are
getting pretty serious. I've never known or asked what he did for a
living. All I did know was that he was out of town a lot.
The other night he told
me he needed to tell me something because he
sensed that I was getting serious about him. He told me he is an angel.
Not just any angel, but the angel of death!!
Do you think he is
telling that just to scare me off? Or do you think
he is telling me the truth? Help! What do I do?
Troubled in Paradise,
I've checked with our records department and your "boyfriend" is
with us and is an angel of death. But please don't be
alarmed. Many of our best AODs double as
case-workers. Take a moment to digest that piece of
I certainly understand that you have strong feelings for this angel and
six months is a long time. Unlike some of my cohorts, I will not
downplay your feelings or use the old "It's not them you love, it's the
idea" line. You could say that about all love and in the end it
doesn't comfort anyone. What I will say to you is that your angel
does love you. He just can't be *in* love with you. This is
truly a case of "it's not you, it's me." And don't be
embarrassed. Believe me, this happens more than you probably
realize. So take heart!
Now... if you're an angel and you recognize yourself in this letter
don't let this kind of thing go on for six months! Speak
up! You don't have to reveal your identity but at least try to
explain that you can't return the human's feelings.
Also, due to the recent influx of these types of letters I'd like
to announce that I'm offering a seminar entitled "Unrequited: What To
Do When Your Assignment Falls For You" on the first Tuesday of every
month in the party room at Manna from Heaven Bakery. I hope
to see many of you, especially you AODs, then.
Be at peace,
The Angel of Angels
Dear Angel of Angels,
A couple days ago I was on
assignment and it came to the point where it
was time for me to glow and do the whole "God loves you" thing.
To my dismay my assignment just burst out laughing! I wondered
why and she just pointed to my chest and kept laughing! As usual
my clothes had changed. I was expecting the usual white suit, ya
know? Instead I ended up with the regular white suit pants but
then a T-shirt that said "Frodo Lives!" If I was mortal I could
have died from embarrassment! Why would that happen and what
should I do if it happens again?
Waiting for counsel,
Frodo Lives but Where are My
Dear Frodo Lives,
We in the angel hierarchy are very sorry this happened to you.
Isaac, the angel of practical jokes, was running amok and caused this
occurrence. It will not happen again. Isaac's been warned
about interfering with any more revelations! But don't dwell on
it too much. You gave your assignment a much-needed laugh.
And aren't you glad Frodo lives? Besides, it could always be
worse. You could have ended up in a flying drool bucket
shirt. I've heard one of Andrew's (he's an angel of death, you
may have heard of him) hangers-on had some printed. Now that
would have been interesting to have to explain to your assignment!
Be at peace,
The Angel of Angels
(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from
"Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline
Productions, and Moon Water Productions. They are not being used
to seek profit.)