Anyone who has been to our index page has probly noticed the motto that surrounds our bucket logo: "Where loving Andrew is not a crime, but a healthy livelihood that anyone can thrive off of!" In actuality, the original motto was "Where loving Andrew is not a crime, but a healthy livelihood that all women thrive off of!" But, alas, not all women do love Andrew and some guys out there might so we switched it up a bit. But just a bit. Suppose we wanted to change JABB's motto? May be to one of these...
JABB: We don't know where John Dye is but we're still here!
JABB: Now 100% free of transfat!
JABB: The only John Dye fan group with its own parody of Willem Dafoe's death scene in "Platoon."
JABB: Cause AODs are hot.
JABB: People Magazine and such may say "60 is the New Sexy!" but we know that 60 bajillion (like Andrew) is
the new
sexy. JABB: Cause Jenni doesn't know what else one does with a Theology degree.
JABB: Behind every strong AOD there are a bunch of strong women trying to tackle him.
JABB: Free small fry with your next order.
JABB: No, really. We have absolutely no idea where John Dye is. And yet we're still here... It's called persistence!
JABB: The only fan group to join if you always wanted to have a tool belt wearing chihuahua as a mascot.
JABB: We're like Trekkies minus the fake Vulcan ears, conventions, two-toned suits, abundance of memorabilia... Okay, so may be we're not like Trekkies.
JABB: The fan group that drools together, stays together.
JABB: What do you mean TBAA was canceled three years ago???
JABB: If loving Andrew *were* a crime, we'd be career criminals cause he's just too cute to quit.
Advice from the
Angel of Angels
Well, I think everyone would agree that recycling is a good thing. Which is why I'm pleased to present an advice column that Karen and I worked on for a TBAA fanzine project that never quite took off. The idea with this column was that it would give both angels and humans the opportunity to write to the Angel of Angels (as heard and just barely seen in the episode "Clipped Wings") to seek advice. Since this was not meant to be a strictly JABB project, Andrew is not mentioned overtly in some of these, including one I offer here. But I don't think it takes much imagination to imagine him into these scenarios! I hope you enjoy and if you'd like to make up a question for the Angel of Angels, just email me. I'll be sure to pass it along. ;-)
Dear Angel of Angels,
I have been dating this guy for about 6 months now. My feelings are getting pretty serious. I've never known or asked what he did for a living. All I did know was that he was out of town a lot.
The other night he told me he needed to tell me something because he sensed that I was getting serious about him. He told me he is an angel. Not just any angel, but the angel of death!!
Do you think he is telling that just to scare me off? Or do you think he is telling me the truth? Help! What do I do?
Troubled in Paradise
Dear
Troubled in Paradise,
I've checked with our records department and your "boyfriend" is indeed with us and is an angel of death. But please don't be alarmed. Many of our best AODs double as case-workers. Take a moment to digest that piece of information.
I certainly understand that you have strong feelings for this angel and six months is a long time. Unlike some of my cohorts, I will not downplay your feelings or use the old "It's not them you love, it's the idea" line. You could say that about all love and in the end it doesn't comfort anyone. What I will say to you is that your angel does love you. He just can't be *in* love with you. This is truly a case of "it's not you, it's me." And don't be embarrassed. Believe me, this happens more than you probably realize. So take heart!
Now... if you're an angel and you recognize yourself in this letter don't let this kind of thing go on for six months! Speak up! You don't have to reveal your identity but at least try to explain that you can't return the human's feelings. Also, due to the recent influx of these types of letters I'd like to announce that I'm offering a seminar entitled "Unrequited: What To Do When Your Assignment Falls For You" on the first Tuesday of every month in the party room at Manna from Heaven Bakery. I hope to see many of you, especially you AODs, then.
Be at peace,
The Angel of Angels
Well, I think everyone would agree that recycling is a good thing. Which is why I'm pleased to present an advice column that Karen and I worked on for a TBAA fanzine project that never quite took off. The idea with this column was that it would give both angels and humans the opportunity to write to the Angel of Angels (as heard and just barely seen in the episode "Clipped Wings") to seek advice. Since this was not meant to be a strictly JABB project, Andrew is not mentioned overtly in some of these, including one I offer here. But I don't think it takes much imagination to imagine him into these scenarios! I hope you enjoy and if you'd like to make up a question for the Angel of Angels, just email me. I'll be sure to pass it along. ;-)
I have been dating this guy for about 6 months now. My feelings are getting pretty serious. I've never known or asked what he did for a living. All I did know was that he was out of town a lot.
The other night he told me he needed to tell me something because he sensed that I was getting serious about him. He told me he is an angel. Not just any angel, but the angel of death!!
Do you think he is telling that just to scare me off? Or do you think he is telling me the truth? Help! What do I do?
Troubled in Paradise
Dear
Troubled in Paradise,I've checked with our records department and your "boyfriend" is indeed with us and is an angel of death. But please don't be alarmed. Many of our best AODs double as case-workers. Take a moment to digest that piece of information.
I certainly understand that you have strong feelings for this angel and six months is a long time. Unlike some of my cohorts, I will not downplay your feelings or use the old "It's not them you love, it's the idea" line. You could say that about all love and in the end it doesn't comfort anyone. What I will say to you is that your angel does love you. He just can't be *in* love with you. This is truly a case of "it's not you, it's me." And don't be embarrassed. Believe me, this happens more than you probably realize. So take heart!
Now... if you're an angel and you recognize yourself in this letter don't let this kind of thing go on for six months! Speak up! You don't have to reveal your identity but at least try to explain that you can't return the human's feelings. Also, due to the recent influx of these types of letters I'd like to announce that I'm offering a seminar entitled "Unrequited: What To Do When Your Assignment Falls For You" on the first Tuesday of every month in the party room at Manna from Heaven Bakery. I hope to see many of you, especially you AODs, then.
Be at peace,
The Angel of Angels
Dear Angel of Angels,
A couple days ago I was on assignment and it came to the point where it was time for me to glow and do the whole "God loves you" thing. To my dismay my assignment just burst out laughing! I wondered why and she just pointed to my chest and kept laughing! As usual my clothes had changed. I was expecting the usual white suit, ya know? Instead I ended up with the regular white suit pants but then a T-shirt that said "Frodo Lives!" If I was mortal I could have died from embarrassment! Why would that happen and what should I do if it
happens again? Waiting for counsel,
Frodo Lives but Where are My Clothes?
Dear Frodo Lives,
We in the angel hierarchy are very sorry this happened to you. Isaac, the angel of practical jokes, was running amok and caused this occurrence. It will not happen again. Isaac's been warned about interfering with any more revelations! But don't dwell on it too much. You gave your assignment a much-needed laugh. And aren't you glad Frodo lives? Besides, it could always be worse. You could have ended up in a flying drool bucket shirt. I've heard one of Andrew's (he's an angel of death, you may have heard of him) hangers-on had some printed. Now that would have been interesting to have to explain to your assignment!
Be at peace,
The Angel of Angels
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JABB TOC
(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from "Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions. They are not being used to seek profit.)