Jenni’s Completely Downloadable JABB 198 Playlist

“We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.”
~ Jane Austen's Mansfield Park

Hi all!
Welcome to JABB 198.  It’s a bit short but that’s okay cause the last couple have been a bit long.  This newsletter was inspired by some talk on the
JABB YahooGroup
list.  I really hope you enjoy it.  But before we get to that I have a few announcements.

First, I’d like to draw your attention to the new graphic on the upper left corner of the Main TOC.  One of your fellow members, Glenda, suggested that JABB make a stance against hate and bigotry.  I agreed that this was a very important thing and very in keeping with John Dye’s work and values.  So please take a look at our new hate-free mission statement!

Second, I’ve updated the To-Do List.  There are deadlines fast approaching so if you’ve been waiting for a chance to participate now would be a great time!

Third, I made a welcome page for JABB’s newbies.  So if you’re at all new to our group or just curious you can find the page here.

And now onto the newsletter!

God bless,

My dear JABBers,
It has come to my attention that there are other JABB members beside myself who enjoy the works of Jane Austen.  Some may have read all of her completed novels.  Some may simply appreciate that with out her we may not have been treated to the wonderful sight of Colin Firth jumping into a lake in a flouncy white shirt.  Regardless of how much of an Austen fan you are, I hope you enjoy the following.  If not go watch Colin Firth jump into a lake.  And pretend he’s John Dye.  Cause you’re an Androoler, gosh darn it!

With much felicity and deep regard,
Miss Jenni

Twenty Ways Dyeland Would Be Different if Jane Austen Took Over

1.  Adam would cease worrying about women’s strapless dresses since Miss Austen would surely not allow such garments in her writings.  Instead, Adam would campaign against corsetry.

2.  Our beloved authoress would quickly find herself with severe writer’s block when she can conceive of no way to introduce Adam and Andrew since they refuse to give her their surnames nor acknowledge how many pounds a year they make. 

3.  JABB would be filled with words such as: amiable, coxcomb, dowry, impudent, and thither.

4.  Andrew would go nearly bald when the whole of Dyeland requests locks of his hair to be placed in rings and lockets and kissed nightly. 

5.  A chiropractor would be added to Dyeland’s hospital staff when everyone ends up with sore backs from all the bowing and curtseying Miss Austen requires of her characters.

6.  Miss Austen’s epic dance scenes would become overly long and quite boring since Andrew and Adam are the only two males available to dance. 

7.  The name Dyeland itself would no longer do and would be promptly redubbed Dyelandshire or Dyebourne.

8.  Andrew would be forced to, at some point, reveal tragic circumstances involving a young relation of his being seduced by a scoundrel.  However, unlike, Mr. Darcy and Colonel Brandon (Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility respectively) this would not win him a wife.  However, the Dyelanders would sit on the stairs and cry in commiseration with him.

9.  Miss Austen would eventually resign herself to her unmarriageable leading men.  However, that would not keep her from indulging her romanticism.  So it becomes common practice for Dyelanders to roam the Fields of Gold, in pouring rain, lamenting Andrew’s lack of romantic attachment to them.  They catch near-fatal infections in the name of unrequited love.  Very sad.  On the plus side, that would keep our dear AODs always employed.

10.  Tess would constantly hassle Adam about the necessity of his marrying off the five Dyelanders dearest to him before the Father calls him Home.

11.  Andrew would get a greatly annoyed look when he overhears some clueless character visiting from a Jane Austen novel inquire how much he stands to inherit upon his father’s passing. 

12.  Michaelmas would become a required JABB holiday.  Because it’s apparently important to Miss Austen having been mentioned in five of her six completed novels.

13.  Matchmaking would become a vital means of entertainment for the elder members of Dyeland society.  Of course, their merriment would be marred by the all ready spoken of lack of available men.  Nonetheless, that wouldn’t stop them from saying all manners of embarrassing things about Adam and Andrew and their supposed attachments to the fair

14.  Andrew would at least be able to use the fencing skills that have grown rusty since the events depicted in “The Quality of Mercy.”

15.  Willoughby from Sense and Sensibility would wander over to Dyeland.  He’d be promptly chewed out by Tess.  See if he tries to seduce any more young ladies!

16.  Miss Austen would be appalled to find that the Dyelander women do not care as much as some of her own creations about being accomplished in the arts of dancing, piano playing, singing, and elocution.  Instead, they pride themselves on the number of Andrew’s lines from TBAA they’ve memorized and their ability to fill drool buckets.

17.  Mary Bennet (Pride and Prejudice) and Gloria would become best friends forever because of their brainy natures.  Mary and Monica would also bond over their lack of musical talent.

18.  Andrew would take to wearing white puffy shirts.  Jerry Seinfeld would visit Dyeland just to make fun of him. 

19.  A rash of concussions and fractured skulls would result any time Andrew enters a room when the Austenified Dyelanders take to swooning.

20.  JABB would stop abruptly when Miss Austen admits, with much regret, that Dyeland is completely devoid of rich, marriageable young men and she really can’t write much about two penniless angels and their admirers. 

JABB 199

(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from "Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions.  They are not being used to seek profit.  The background photograph was taken by Jenni.)