I’d just like to say that I have thoroughly enjoyed most of my experiences with JABB.  Barring a few exchanges, it’s been great!  However… on occasion I get some emails asking questions that have all ready been answered two, three, even four times on our web site.  And some I just plain cringe at the level of cluelessness required to ask it.  Others make me wonder why the person would think *I* (having clearly stated I know no one involved with TBAA including John) would know the answer.  Personally, I hope these people are just messing with me.  Well, I decided to turn these questions into a JABB issue.  It’s a lil snarkier than my usual but I hope you enjoy it!

~Jenni

Now here’s…


Q: Is John seeing anyone?*
A: Yes we assume so.  To the best of our knowledge he has not been blinded.

Q: Can you pass this message on to John?*
A: Yes, I've found if I stare at it for 15 minutes while singing 'Kum ba yah' the magic of telepathy will carry it to him!

Q: Are you John Dye?*
A: Yes, ma'am!  I'm the victim of a rare genetic condition that, upon the eve of my 43rd birthday, changed my formerly manly, studly body into that of a 23 year old woman.  And transported me to Nebraska.  And made me answer only to the name Jenni.  And compels me to create web page after web page about how talented/wonderful/handsome I am.  But yes, I'm *totally* John Dye.  

Q: When is Andrew going to marry Lady JenniAnn?
A:  Ah, a Dyeland question!  Hmm... I imagine just as soon as he gets one of those licenses that allows him to perform legally binding marriages.  And once she finds a guy clueless enough to not care that his bride is making eyes at the officiant.  Oh?  You meant when was he actually gonna marry her himself?  Just as soon as all sense is knocked out of him and all her morals knocked outta her.  And they've completed a bridal registry at NotGonnaHappenMart.  Thanks for asking!

Q:  What is John's next project to work on?*   
A:  Umm... lemme check the crystal ball or Magic 8 Ball and see what they say.

Q: Does he like living in San Francisco?  
A: Let me get on the phone right now and ask him since we're on a first name basis.

Q: Will you marry me?*
A: Sorry but I am contractually obligated to remain celibate for the duration of JABB.  Should I stray from this John Dye gets half my belongings.  If I ever meet that special guy, I hope John Dye likes plush frogs and hippie skirts.

Q: What happened to the funny co-president? J.A.B.B. just isn't the same since she left.
A: Okay, if I wasn’t gonna tell that FBI agent where she went why would I tell you?!

Q: Why is Adam named Adam when that’s the first man, not an angel?  And why is Andrew named Andrew when that’s an apostle, not an angel?  And why is Monica named Monica when Monica was a character on “Friends“?*
A: Martha Williamson considered giving her characters completely original names to avoid this sort of confusion.  But I guess TPTB didn’t want to pick up a show about the angels Herzboppleboo and Grytzeldingding and their angel of death friend, MoochiChoochi.  I for one am very glad cause I feel it would be embarrassing to be co-president of JMBB (The John/MoochiChoochi Bucket Brigade).


Q: How do I get to Dyeland?
A: I bet hitting your head repeatedly until you pass out might work.  I could recommend other ways but I’m proud graduate of DARE.

Q: Just exactly how many co-presidents have you chased away?
A:  I don’t chase them away.  They leave me.  It makes me sooo sad.  You’ll stay with me right?  And be my friend forever and ever and ever and ever and ever, right?  Right?  YOU BETTER SAY RIGHT!!!  

Q: When did you talk to John last?
A: Just yesterday.  We discussed the implications of the Gospel of Judas and also reverse osmosis.  During our next phone call we expect to discuss pastoral imagery in the works of Mary Shelley in addition to Markov processes.

And finally, in honor of Bill Engvall and his “Here’s Your Sign” routine I present…


So this guy walks into the room as I'm watching “Touched by an Angel.”  It's during a revelation scene and Andrew is glowing.  So this guy asks "Whoa!  Is that an angel??"  Ever so calmly I answered:
"No, man, his mom just ate nothing but fireflies while she was pregnant with him... here's your sign."


Special thanks to Audrey, Jarrod, Liz, and Karen for submitting some of these deliberately stupid questions and answers.  Special thanks also to anyone who unwittingly submitted one.  ;-)  If you have a stupid question, please lemme know as I intend to do future installments of “Ask a Stupid Question, Get a Stupid Answer.”

* These are questions I have actually been asked in, I think, total seriousness.  Some aren’t even that stupid but I or one of my contributors had a smart aleck answer for em so we used em.  Thankfully, “Will you marry me?” was not from a JABBer.


JABB 191
JABB TOC


(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from "Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions.  They are not being used to seek profit.)