Click Here to
"Love Me Do"
Hello again fellow JABBers! Welcome to yet another wonderful chapter in our book of John/Andrew obsessions! I hope this one makes you drool as much as Chiwawa did! Enjoy!!
JABB of John Dye Past?
We zoom into a bar room setting some where in Northern Ireland. Seated at a table fairly close to a pool table are a handsome young man and what appears to be a big ball of hair. We slowly zoom in to see a man that looks to be John Dye and a large furry rodent.
Rodent -- It's nice to finally meet you Mr. Dye! Thanks for this wonderful sacrifice, sir.
John Dye -- <>petting the large rodent carefully<> Call me John. It's nice to meet you too Chiwawa!! But it wasn't really much of a sacrifice. I think it was in all of our best interests. I mean, you got warmth, my hair's no longer living in fear and Della is finally off my back! I just hope she doesn't suspect the hair that grows back to be the "same old hair."
Chiwawa -- Don't worry. I'm sure she's smarter than that.
John Dye -- Of course she is. But this all 'could be' a cover so I could get my hair back and Della knows that.
Chiwawa -- Don't worry. Your hair is safe with me. <>John is now running his fingers though his "old" hair with the look of 'bittersweet memories' in his eyes.<> You miss it don't you?
John Dye -- Yes. Very much so. I just wish they hadn't dyed it.
Chiwawa -- Well, they kinda had to. Have you even seen a dog of *my* type with blonde hair?!
John Dye -- Well I guess not.
Chiwawa -- How did you find me anyway? I thought it was *Confidential.*
John Dye -- It was! But finally my bodyguard broke down and told me. I hope you get to meet Roma here soon! She's great! Just don't let her sing for you! <>smiling scoundrelishly<>
Chiwawa -- Don't worry, I won't! Dog 'round the world would NEVER let me live it down! <>jumps up a bit<> I never knew you had a bodyguard.
John Dye -- Well it's kinda of new thing. Apparently some fans came across a few psychos who scared them so much they hired good ol' Jarrod for me. <>looks at his new friend with a confused look<> What was that for?
Chiwawa -- Oh, I swallowed a chicken whole the other day and it's making me lay eggs! Here have one. <>Hands egg to John<>
John Dye -- <>surveys the egg<> Why's it so colorful with speckles and such?
Chiwawa -- Well, they are Easter eggs! I think the chicken was very festive!!!
John Dye -- I see.
Chiwawa -- So did a fan club of some sort hire the bodyguard?
John Dye -- I don't know. I didn't know that such a thing existed -- for me anyway. I did learn about something at the psychologist office not too long ago, but I've let it slide and couldn't tell you what it was if ya paid me!
Chiwawa -- A fan club does sound cool! I bet we could start one for you -- your hair and I that is.
John Dye -- That's pretty Kewl! You could keep my hair updated on what's going on with me. But do you think it'd really work?
Chiwawa -- Of course! You've got lots of fans! They got you a bodyguard didn't they?!
John Dye -- I guess your right. Hmm. But what would we call it?
Chiwawa -- <>thinking<> How about "'Dye'r Needs"?? Or the DD4H Club?
John Dye -- The DD4H Club?
Chiwawa -- The Dye Dog for Hair Club!
John Dye -- I like it!
Chiwawa -- All we need now is a club for your hair!
John Dye -- Oh don't get me started!
Both laugh and the camera zooms out.
Top Ten Reasons Why Andrew/John is so Scarce on TBAA.........
1. It has come to my attention that perhaps our most esteemed Mr. Dye is suffering from "fifth-wheel syndrome". As such he may have felt the need to seek psychiatric help. For that reason he has had less time for TBAA. (See Dad! I told you I'd fit 5th wheel syndrome in there somewhere!) *
2. As the previous conversation proves John has been spending time with newfound friend Chiwawa Jabbins!
3. He's been in hiding since Della has a sinking suspicion that John's "new" hair is really the "old" and still needs to be disposed of!
4. Well hey, when you look as good as him and are still AVAILABLE, wouldn't you be spending more time out in the public where beautiful women can flock all over you?!
5. He's really gotten into the "father" role the show keeps sticking him into, so he's decided to become Reilly's new "nanny" and be an AOD on his nights off.
6. After all these years of escorting people home, and Andrew's said it himself, he's gotten tired of it and has gone to seek other occupations. So next time you go to a drive through at Wendy's and think the voice sounds a wee bit "heavenly," you very well could have stumbled upon Andrew's new found passion.
7. John decided that his love for his hair was stronger than that for his "angel family." (This is b/c you always tend to love those *closest* to you best!) He's since found Chiwawa and settled into permanent residence with him.
8. Scully was walking down the street minding her own business when this bluish-green light shines down from above. Time freezes and John comes down and escorts her to the alien's haven. Soon Mulder realizes what has happened to his partner and chases after the evil 'little green men.' Suddenly . . . OPPS! Sorry. Wrong show!
9. John, in keeping with his words about a year ago on the Rosie Show, has become like Elvis. He has dyed his hair black, grown sideburns, and started making his own records and several cheesy (sorry Elvis fans! I'm sure some of his movies are quite good!) love stories. His appearance was so altered that TBAA was forced to bring in a pre-Elvis-John-look-alike. So it is not John but a look alike we have been seeing. Of course it's hard to find actors with talents superior or equal to John so they had to cut back Andrew's time. If you play the TBAA soundtrack backwards you can distinctly hear them saying, "The Walrus, umm err, sorry, the Angel Boy is gone....."**
10. Honestly, John is simply *too scared* to make more of an appearance on the show. He came across this 'obsessed bunch of fans', as he so bluntly put it, known solely as JABB. He's now in hiding. So if we never see John again, we can understand, if only just a little, why this has happened.
*Those who suffer from it are often the ones who when in a group are left out. Haven't ya'll ever noticed that many times on shows they will refer to the show as "TBAA! Starring Roma Downey and Della Reese." Well, don't you think that this might bug a person? Maybe if we could just get him more screen time.....more on that later :-)
**dated reference to the famous Paul is dead rumors known to many a Beatle fan
Now on to a more serious topic.
First off, I would like to thank the 21 people that have signed our screen time petition. We would like to have a minimum of 50 names before we send it, and at this rate we may not be able to send it out until TBAA is officially off the air!! OK, maybe not, but we hope to have more names so that CBS/TBAA will be more likely to take us seriously and not as just a bunch of obsessed fan. (Yes, I know that is what we are, but they don't have to know that!) I think we can all agree Roma gets the most screen time. She's an excellent actress of course but don't John and Della deserve the same? I think letters will make a great impact! But if we could also send this petition then maybe they will see how many people really would like to see some changes. Think of it this way, if suddenly John and Della have more screen time next season after we send this you can always think you had some hand in that! (Hey, a lil positive thinking never hurt anyone :-) If you would like to "sign" the petition just send an email to Tammi at firstname.lastname@example.org. Simply give her your name, first name is fine if you don't want to give your last. We will wait until April 30th before we mail it. We hope by that time to have the 50 names. Thank you.