Sure, love is a many splendoured thing.  At least that's what the songs tell us.  But what about those unlucky in love?  What happens to them?  Well, Mrs. Manion is one such person.  In "Heart of the Beholder", John's philandering character Eric Manion is clearly seen wearing a wedding ring.  That got me thinking about the poor woman who had to find out about her husband's multiple indiscretions and downright creepiness... publicly!  So last August I felt compelled to write the following.  It's a lil more... mature than my usual style but I couldn't resist this lil ditty about how not to quietly accept one's mate's grave faults.  So here it is....

Mrs. Manion's Irish Drinking Song

Oh once I wed a man named Eric
Me family thought him quite a catch
But then he left me quite hysteric
Cause he wasn't a good match

Ye know, I had me some angry rants
But I'm not gonna act all forlorn.
Cause he couldn't keep on his pants
He'll soon wish he'd not been born!

First I tore up his baseball cards
I called his girls, told em he had lice
Collected his Armani 'n burnt it in the yards
Oh, m'dear Eric, adultery has its price!

So if any of ya boys get it in your heads
Or in any other parts of your anatomy
To go seeking company in other beds
You'll meet a new "friend"... Miss Alimony!

Haha.  Hope you enjoyed that.  If not... well, may be "The Uninvited Guest" is more your speed.  Or you can try these helpful tips from JABB's advice columnist, Dear Annie Dru.  You can find her contact info here should you ever need advice on matters of love, life, and being a John Dye fan.

How to Survive Valentine's Day

1.  So you didn't get a bouquet of roses this year?  Put a positive spin on it!  One less rosebush was senselessly murdered!

2.  Plan a get-together with other Valentine-less friends.  Watch some of those made-for-TV movies wherein the woman finds out her husband:
* has a second wife
* is a serial killer
* married her just so he could kill her and take her money
* is having an affair with her best friend or sister... or both

Betcha don't want a boyfriend so much after that!

3.  Get all dressed up and dance by yourself to Chaka Khan's "I'm Every Woman" or "Respect" by Aretha Franklin.

4.  Watch TBAA.  Cause Andrew is muy guapo and should be able to distract you out of your gloomy funk.

5.  Whenever someone wishes you a happy Valentine's day, tear up and sadly say "It's just so sad that the Romans beat and beheaded poor Valentine..."  Your well-wisher gets a history lesson and you get to watch them squirm uncomfortably.  It can be really fun to mess with people.  ;-)

6.  Just think... at least you're not married to the guy Manion's based on. 

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(Photo Credits: The photograph used on this page is from "Heart of the Beholder" and owned by River City Entertainment and Catchlight Films.)