Hi all! Well, here we are with our 178th newsletter. Before I get to the actual content, there’s something I’d like to mention. First, this year Dyeland will be sending out its own seasonal card. Yep, that’s right. You can receive a real, hardcopy card with season’s greetings from Andrew, Adam, Lady JenniAnn, Monica, Tess, Chiwawa, and others! If you’d like to receive this card please email me (Jenni) your snail mail address. If you’d like to sign the card as your Dyeland character, please scan and email or snail mail your character’s *brief* message and signature to me. If you’re going to snail mail it, it MUST be in the mail no later than November 17th. Email me for my address. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. I’d like to send the cards around the 1st of December.
God bless!
Jenni
During hiatus I was unable to really turn the JABB-generating part of my mind off. So I came up with this set of JABB “spoilers”. These are things that *may* happen in future JABBs. If you see one you’d particularly like us to cover, please lemme know!
1. JABB takes a stab at the psychological thriller genre with a story about the following: One afternoon Monica and Andrew depart from Dyeland on a joint assignment. Monica shows back up a week later but with no recollection of where Andrew went. When he fails to show up, a team of investigators descend on Dyeland and force the Dyelanders to consider that Andrew never really existed at all...
2. Contest alert! The Dyelanders decide to throw Andrew a party and want the best musicians to come to Dyeland and perform. Cliff the magician uses a spell to try and persuade the artists to come but his magic goes awry, leaving the Dyelanders able to only communicate via song lyrics. You guess the songs!
3. For another contest idea, we write a story about a week in Dyeland with events mimicking famous TBAA moments. You read the story and pick out the parodied scenes.
4. Andrew's given a new human form. No one knows if it's temporary or permanent. Question is... will it effect the way the Dyelanders feel about him?
5. In yet another "Monica got to, so should Andrew!" story, Andrew gets bopped on the head (occasion for bopping on the head TBD), loses his memory, and the sane Dyelanders are left to explain what Dyeland is and why Lady JenniAnn and Co. keep casting him furtive, dreamy looks.
6.
Jenni throws the titles of Shakespearean plays we've not yet joked
about (everything except "Romeo and Juliet", "A Midsummer Night's
Dream", "MacBeth", "Othello", and "Henry V") into a hat. She then MUST
write a JABB issue parodying that play. Even if she draws "Titus
Andronicus". Yep, that'd be the one with the cannibalism.
7. For
Valentine's day the JABB authors write a Dyelandish romantic-comedy.
The hitch? Andrew must be the male star and yet remain unattached to
anyone romantically.
And now for a new feature!
Questions
and Answers with Andrew!!
A short installment this time since it’s new and few people knew we wanted questions. If you have a question you’d like to ask Andrew, email Jenni and she’ll, uhh, forward it on to him. We do, however, request that you limit yourself to questions regarding TBAA, history, John Dye’s career, and informational questions. No advice-seeking please. Unless you absolutely promise to take the advice with a grain of salt. Frankly, no one at JABB wants the responsibility of doling out advice under the guise of such an esteemed angel. If you are seeking advice please contact Dear Annie Dru. So here goes…
Hello everyone!
Question #1: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Answer: Audrey, how did I know you’d ask something like this? Simple, a woodchuck can chuck as much wood as years I’ve lived.
Question #2: How many years *have* you lived?
Answer: A gentleman doesn’t reveal his age. He can give you hints, however. I’ve lived more years than Monica, *considerably* less than Tess, but only a few less than Adam.
Question #3: All right then, what’s your earliest memory? We’re gonna pin down your age yet!
Answer: It’s of my Father.
Question #4: Sheesh… evasive aren’t we? Okay, would you be willing to answer questions in future JABB installments?
Answer: Of course. Now, if you’ll excuse me I agreed to meet Monica for mochas at some café in Little Rock, Arkansas.
Remember, if you have a question for Andrew, email Jenni.
Now, finally, a lil top ten about a holiday that JABB’s never dealt with: Sadie Hawkins Day on November 13th. Sadie Hawkins Day began as part of the Lil Abner cartoon strip in the 1930s. You can learn more about it here. Pretty much a girl gets to ask a guy out and he’s obliged to go with her. Sure it’s a lil outdated but I got to thinking how such a celebration might work out in Dyeland. Especially when we have very few males around! So I present…
Top Ten
Things Most Likely to Occur in Dyeland on Sadie Hawkins Day
10. At 8 AM sharp on the 13th, throngs of adoring Dyelanders will show up at Andrew’s door requesting dates. Andrew will beg God to give him an assignment, any assignment, to get him out of Dyeland. Seriously, he’s willing to be the angel who scrapes chewing gum off theater seats for a day!
9. Adam will pack Ted and Tom and his other turkeys into his hot air balloon, fly to Dyeland Chapel, and declare sanctuary to get away from the screaming horde of females that show up at *his* door.
8. Gloria will declare the festivities have sexist origins and give everyone an unsolicited history of feminism. She will be ignored.
7. Lady JenniAnn will feel sorry for Henry who had no adoring throngs and ask him out. What results will be the most boring, awkward first date on record. Thankfully for her, Henry will disappear after 90 minutes.
6. God will decline to give Andrew an assignment cause even the Divine needs some comedic relief sometimes. As a result, Andrew will be obligated to attend the dance.
5. Tess will just watch her Angel Boys in their fluster with increasing mirth. And eventually drag them both to the Willowveil ballroom.
4. Monica will show up in a strapless dress just so she can watch Adam squirm around and out himself as a prude a la “Fallen Angela”.
3. Jarrod and “Ben”, Andrew’s bodyguards, will demand overtime and hazard pay for all the work they have to do dealing with the drooling revelers.
2. Eric Manion will show up and offer himself as potential mate to any number of ladies. He will be slapped repeatedly and then driven by Tess to an undisclosed location where he will have to listen to Monica sing “Bad Boys” aka the theme to “COPS.”
1.
Margherita will serve our beloved but beleaguered AODs orange
juice and ginger ale whilst they plot to be far away from Dyeland on
Valentine’s Day…
(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from "Touched by
an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon
Water Productions. They are not being used to seek profit.
Background
image was photographed by Jenni at the Lauritzen Gardens in
Omaha, Nebraska.)