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Dear JABBers,

As promised, I'm filling in on this newsletter so JenniAnn* can have a break.  She wrote the story below about two years ago.  Unfortunately, it was never sent and eventually disappeared.  Thanks to her recent enthusiasm for organization it was rediscovered.  So I present to you a real "lost JABB" with an additional top ten provided by JABB co-founder, Audrey. 

Appropriately enough, I'll be leaving on assignment in half an hour.  I'll be working as an interior designer.  Does anyone happen to know what rag rolling is?  And what's Tromple L'oeil?  May be I should ask Gloria.  Then again... I only have half an hour.  I'm sure, if either is requested, it'll be one of those need-to-know things and the Father will tell me. 

Remember, God loves you.


PS Audrey, despite the culinary efforts of your former co-president, I can get around and in and out of my house quite well.  0:-)

From Jenni circa 2003:

Now, the inspiration for this story came from all the hours I've spent watching "Trading Spaces", a decorating show based off of the BBC show "Changing Rooms."  The idea is two neighbors swap houses for two days.  Each pair gets a designer and $1000 to spend on the room.  They also get a carpenter whom they have to share with the other team.  No peeking is allowed until the end of the second day when the re-decorated rooms are revealed!  Anyway, here's what I thought might happen if the "Trading Spaces" team ended up in Dyeland... 

It was now the morning of the second day of the "Trading Spaces" visit to Dyeland.  Of course, the "Trading Spaces" people had no idea they were in Dyeland and were made to believe they were at the homes of two fabulously wealthy, if not delusional, brothers named Adam and Andrew.  At least that's what JenniAnn had put on the application.  And why would they not trust her? 

So Andrew and JenniAnn were quite content as they turned hand-prints into turkeys on the walls of Adam's TV room, under the direction of Frank. 

"Well!  Aren't you two perfect little angels!  Those are great!" Frank said as he entered the room for the first time that morning and saw the little turkeys that dotted the wall spaces.

Andrew shot JenniAnn a Look when she began to giggle at the word "angel." 

"Adam will really love this," Andrew covered as JenniAnn gained her composure.

"So whimsical!"  Frank enthused and then began to tell them what needed to be completed in the remaining time.

Meanwhile over in Willowveil, Audrey and Adam had dragged themselves back into JenniAnn's bedroom.  Hildi was all ready there waiting for them and both would have liked to have bolted.

"There you are!  Thought you might have run off.  We have lots of work to do.  First things first, we need to hang the artwork."

Adam and Audrey suddenly got a panicked look in their eyes.

"Oh please don't let it be a wall-sized self-portrait!"  Adam mumbled to Audrey who smirked back.

"Let's get this over with," Audrey said as the two approached.

Hildi then unveiled her "artwork."  Audrey burst out laughing and Adam actually turned a slight red but then joined in on Audrey's amusement.

"That's fantastic!  Good joke!  Now seriously, what's next?"  Audrey asked after she had quit laughing.

"We're hanging these, silly!" Hildi said with a grin that barely concealed another look that said "I will not be foiled!"

Adam and Audrey both began protesting at just the same moment.

"But you said she liked him!"

"Yeah, she likes him all together.  Not just an... is that his right ear?  And *that* one is just plain spooky," Audrey added, pointing to the second offending "artwork."

"How'd you get those, anyway?"  Adam asked with arched eye brow. 

"Had Ty snap some photos when the two of them were working on carpentry.  Now, let's get these hung!"

Audrey reluctantly went over to where Hildi wanted the photos displayed and began questioning her.  Soon the two were absorbed in conversation. In a flash Adam had grabbed the frames and was out of the room... 

Back at Adam's place, Andrew and JenniAnn were completely oblivious to the drama unfolding back in their Dyeland City.  Andrew was seated at a sewing machine using some turkey fabric Frank had found to make throw pillows.  It had originally been JenniAnn's job but he had taken over when she nearly sewed her hand to the pillow.  Frank and JenniAnn walked back into the room with the smaller pieces of furniture they had finished painting. 

"So Andrew, JenniAnn and I were just discussing what she thought was unfolding back in her room.  Any guesses?"

"I'm sure it will be beautiful.  Adam and Audrey wouldn't let anything too bad happen..."

Frank just smiled.  Andrew didn't know Hildi... 

By the evening both groups had finished with time to spare.  Adam was taken back to Tourkia where he and Audrey examined his new TV room.  Adam was thrilled.  Audrey thought it was a bit much but had to admit the handprints on the wall were cute.  After a few moments, they reluctantly headed back to Willowveil to see JenniAnn's reaction to her new room. 

Quite nervous, JenniAnn was eventually led to her newly decorated room and led inside.  Andrew hung out by the door and waited for her reaction.  There was a long silence punctuated by the occasional "Ah, cool." and then... a scream!  Andrew ran inside the room with Adam and Audrey, who had been sequestered in a nearby room, following behind him.

All three stared at what had made the woman scream.

"Hey!  I buried those behind the stable!" Adam protested, incredulous. 

"I found them!" Hildi entered the room, with a smug smile. 

"How the heck am I supposed to sleep with Andrew's eye blown up tenfold on the wall across from my bed?!  He looks like freakin' Sauron!  And let's not even start with... his right ear??  WHY!?  No offense Andrew..."  JenniAnn said after regaining the power of speech. 

"None taken,"  Andrew answered not sure whether to burst out laughing or blush.  He wasn't quite sure what to think about the fact that JenniAnn could tell his right ear from his left, let alone that the former was now on display in her bedroom!

"I thought you wanted a grown-up room.  So I thought I'd put a couple pictures of the guy you liked..."

"Okay, first of all pictures involve faces, hair, both eyes, a smile maybe, y'know stuff like that.  Not just a right ear and an eye!  Second he's not just some 'guy I like.'  He's an angel!!  Like a real one!"  JenniAnn forgot the need for secrecy in her frustration.

Adam and Andrew shot a glance at each other as Hildi started to look pale. 

"Umm, uhh, she means he's one of the blue angels,"  Adam started. 

"Yeah...  Vrrooom," was all Andrew said as he mimicked controlling an airplane.  Suddenly worried about being in the same room with people that were appearing to not be in their right minds, Hildi fled.  

After the crew had left, JenniAnn wasted no time in taking down the photos.  The question remained... what would they do with them?  Adam suggested burning them but JenniAnn wouldn't hear of that.  The idea was too voodoo-creepy.  Throwing them off a cliff?  Littering!  Painting them over?  Possibly...  But then Andrew had a better idea... 

Months later the Roseate Theatre presented a production of "The Lord of the Rings: The Musical."  The star of the show was definitely Andrew's eye as Sauron.  

Sauron!  AAAAH!!!

Top Ten Reasons Andrew Needs a Visit from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

10.  Adam felt bad for some Turkeys and, next thing you know, 200 of them were pecking away at Andrew’s walls.  What a nice place for Adam to hide them from Tess …

9. Monica, Tess and Gloria decided to have a girls’ night out at Andrew's.  Now his entire house is decorated in pastels, fuzzy things, and other un-masculine items.

8.  After Touched’s demise, Andrew let himself go.  Now he’s too large to enter/leave his home.  The doorways must be enlarged!!

7.  When fans discovered that Dyeland was real and Andrew was living there, they embraced his new home with love … in other words, they took everything but the kitchen sink.

6. When Andrew was put on trial for murder, hurricane JenniAnn paid his home a visit.  Need I say more?

5.  Andrew had a terrible experience with John’s hair. …It grew back and Tess wouldn’t allow.  She destroyed his home during retrieval.

4. Andrew had a party for all the souls he’d taken home.  At some point, though he cannot recall, things got really out of hand.  Now he has a door and a bed left.

3. When Tess had Alzheimer’s, she stayed briefly at Andrew’s … that is until she had a violent fit and took a few walls out.

2. Monique decided that angels don’t need homes, even imaginary ones, so she confiscated it.  But I think Ty Pennington screaming in her ear might get her to move.

1. He was practicing his heavenly glow when the light got too hot and burned his roof off.


* Jenni has determined that for the sake of clarity and whatever narrative flow we could possibly hope for in something as varied as JABB, from here on out she will use the name Jenni exclusively.  Her fictional counterpart will use JenniAnn or Lady JenniAnn.  So here's a lil rhyme to help out:

If Ann is present she's most definitely a fake/ Ending only in -i that doth a real person make

Haha, okay so basically JenniAnn= fictional, Jenni= real.

Okay, I (Jenni) don't want you to leave this page with the image of Andrew's reddened eye in your mind so here's a nice, normal pic of him.  :-)

Newsletter 172


(Photo Credits: The photographs used on this page are from "Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions.  They are not being used to seek profit.)