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"Here Comes the Bride"

Greetings everyone,

I’m a fellow JABBer who was asked by the co-presidents to send this. Actually my assistance was requested by *one* of them. It’s my understanding the other was “unavailable” but more on that later. I’ve been told to let you all know the future of JABB is in question because the appropriateness of a newsletter filled with puppy love for Andrew is now doubtful. Please read the following newspaper article to understand why.

“On March 30th the choirs of heaven rejoiced at the marriage of Andrew, angel of death, and a Ms. Parli Olfo of Springfield. The union was presided over by Elvis Presley (he’s not dead it turns out but was hiding in a convent!) Bigfoot gave the bride away and Bat Boy served as the groom’s best man. Everyone was astounded when the image of the Virgin Mary appeared in a slice of the couple’s wedding cake. However, that was nothing compared to the bride’s abduction by aliens prior to the honeymoon. The beleaguered groom formed a posse composed of the Loch Ness Monster, a 200 pound baby, the person responsible for the Pitt-Aniston divorce, and the ghost of the kid who died after mixing Pop Rocks and soda. The Fab Five, as they’ve dubbed themselves (Carson, Jai, and Co. please don’t sue them), then attacked the mothership. So the happy couple was reunited and lost an amazing 60 pounds between them after religiously following Dr. Ed’s Oatmeal Diet. Nostradamus predicts that this union will lead to the apocalypse. His stance is verified by recently discovered scrolls found in the Egyptian pyramids.”

So from what I’ve been told the JABB co-presidents don’t feel JABB can continue when the central target of their drooling has become a married man… err, angel. Even if they felt it okay to continue on, it’s doubtful they would. Upon hearing this news, I’m told JenniAnn promptly got herself to a café and she and Monica downed 10 gallons of mocha lattes and iced chai teas between them. Karen would have sent this to you but she’s been on hold with Poison Control trying to find out if there’s such a thing as caffeine poisoning because JenniAnn’s been lying on the café floor in fetal position for three hours mumbling “My dear old brick, thou hast forsaken me… I mean us.”

So there you have it. Take it as you will. I’m not sure what to make of it myself though that bride’s name is awfully suspect…

Peace out,



Newsletter 161

(Photo Credits: The photograph used on this page is from "Touched by an Angel" and owned by CBS Productions, Caroline Productions, and Moon Water Productions.  It is not being used to seek profit.)