Here to Listen to
Third Eye Blind's "Semicharmed Life"
Before we get to the newsletter (usurped as it is!) there’s a couple matters we’d like to attend to. First, the annual Dye Day chat will be on Friday the 28th. We’ll start around 7:00 PM Central time. The chat is web-based and located at:
Please RSVP to this address if you plan on attending so we can get a hold of you should plans change.
Second, proceeds from sales made now through January 31st 2005 at JABB’s Store will be used to support relief efforts for those impacted by the recent tsunamis in Asia and Africa. If you’d like to purchase anything and help us help them, please visit:
Jenni will be leaving town for the weekend but should you place an order she’ll get right back to you either late Sunday or Monday.
Hi everyone. I'm Corrina and I am taking over JABB for this issue. This will be a very different kind of JABB than you are use to. Some of you may remember me from when I held JenniAnn's precious cousin Vincent for a couple of weeks in my hiding place in Dyeland. If it hadn't been for that busy body Bunny, I might have been able to hold him longer.
I am here to
show co-president JenniAnn that I am still
forewarn her new co-president that no one is above my wicked ways. I
will soon find her weak points. For now I am going to use JenniAnn's
own words to show you all what a whimsical, flip flop, and indecisive
person she is. I found her diary and here is approximately just a 10
hour time frame from it and my responses to her entries.
JenniAnn of Willowveil’s Diary
January 13, 2005
Number of fantasies involving Andrew and self as characters in musicals: 7, v. good, down from 16. At last seem to be over Maria and Captain Von Trapp one.
**So what's new about this? Your obsession about Andrew ... still ... almost 2 years after his show has left the air. Get a life will you?!**
Number of melancholy glances towards Andrew’s house: 29, v. bad especially as requires leaving cozy room and going outside in cold
Number of time watched HOTB trailer: 3, Manion v. bad! But Andrew was so sweet when watched it with him…Sigh…
**In some places these musings would qualify you as a stalker. Maybe someone should warn this Andrew person about you. He might even want to hire some body guards.**
Number of tie-dyed shirts tried on before found *perfect* one: 10, understandable
**Another example of your compulsive indecisiveness!**
Number of hours of sleep obtained last night: 2.5, v. poor
Andrew is on assignment but is supposedly to return around noon. Feel should bake something.
**Sounds to me like
you are trying to blame your
inability to sleep
on Andrew. Again a clear cut case of inability to accept responsibility
or you own action. Even lack of sleep is because Andrew is returning
home from an assignment, so you can't sleep and feel the need to bake?!
Oh please ... get a life!**
Gah! Gah! Gah! Nearly lit hair on fire with torch when attempting crème brule. Perhaps should try something not involving open flame…
**You can't even be
trusted with operating something
as easy as an
oven, yet you think you can run Dyeland. Hmmm .. something wrong with
Have just thrown entire tray of double chocolate chip muffins to animals. Suddenly remember first season TBAA episode in which Tess told Monica it was near impossible to get back into shape should an angel get hooked on fatty (but delicious!) sweets. Am instead opting for lovely granola and fruit parfait. Would hate to cause Andrew problems.
**Trying to poison the animals of Dyeland. Now you presume to know what is best for Andrew. Did it ever enter your mind that this mythical (wink, wink, get her going with that jab!) angel can decide for himself whether he wants to chance gaining a pound or two. If I was him I would be more worried that you might give him a case of food poisoning than weight gain!**
Parfait looks very lovely, all rainbow-y and summery goodness to take mind off hideous iciness and cold. But… oh no. Suppose Andrew thinks I made this because I think he looks out of shape and gets offended? Surely do not. He’s perfectly lovely. In manly way, of course. Am merely thinking of future. Gah! Perhaps TBAA scene was just product of Martha Williamson’s imagination and has no basis in fact. Will look complete dolt supplying light granola treat after years of French silk pies and the like…
In stress have eaten all granola. Also had to change to purple tie-dyed shirt after accidentally tossed entire can of chocolate syrup on self while attempting fondue. Of course, then decided fondue was either too hippyish or, worse yet, suggestive.
**Again another case of you deciding what is best for Andrew. I feel not only is that the case, but you were looking for any reason to gobble up the goodies for yourself.**
AHHH! I GIVE UP!! FORGOT TO PUT BLOODY EGG IN BROWNIES.
Now have hideous bubbling, solid-as-brick mess. Have ruined favorite pan. Sigh… Will just leave nice note for Andrew and catch up on sleep.
**Are you capable
of doing anything with out messing
it up?! I am surprised Dyeland had survived this long! Humph!!**
Want to die. Okay not really. But horrid, horrid thing happened. Had just barely woken up around 6:15 when Andrew came to door looking quite worried. Panicked as assumed he had rotten assignment and I wouldn’t know what to say. Instead he asked if I was okay and meaning of note. Horrified to find sleep deprived mind had written following:
Torched hair nearly. Bright colors… Health food
goofy, you look
good. Wonderful, loverly person. Yay you. Oreos. Yay. Enjoy.
And had attached not Oreos but box of plastic forks. Gah.
botched brownies, can't let Andrew
decide if he
wants to take chance of adding on a couple of pounds, over sleeps, and
then writes a note that sounds like someone on a seven day bender wrote
it! As for the last sentence, does that even make any sense to anyone?
Perhaps she meant to tape a box of Oreos to the note and taped a box of
plastic forks to it. Yeah, a real great welcome back to Andrew,
supposedly the apple of your eye!**
Now I appeal to you who are citizens of Dyeland and just sometime visitors. Does this person JenniAnn seem to be someone you'd want watching over your get-a-way place or your home? Does it concern you at all that she has a very unhealthy obsession of Andrew, not to mention that she thinks she should know what is better for him than himself?!
Not to mention the guy isn't even real (another jab!). He is just a character that was on the TV for a little of 9 years in a show called Touched By An Angel.
I suggest you all keep a close eye on her. You might even want to keep a close eye on her co-president, Karen, too. After all JenniAnn did hand pick her.
I'm out of here before JenniAnn or Karen gets back. Off to my secret, but very well guarded home in Dyeland.
All right, all right. Sheesh. Good thing I got a hold of this before Corrina hit send. Cause as you probly noticed above, we actually had important messages for you all! Do me a favor, if any of my enemies decide to send JABB could they at least tell me so I can get the greeting and announcements in? I’ll still let you send whatever you like. As I am now cause I don’t want Corrina flying about and saying I’m limiting her creative impulses. So there’s my diary and her comments, unedited. Frankly, I’m not sure why she thinks I run Dyeland. News to me! I thought the position was up for grabs after Andrew’s resignation. Hmm… Guess I should check into that!
Anyhow, I trust you all realize none of what I wrote
in my diary was
intended to be seen. Diaries are just full of nonsense and neuroses. I
rather think it’s the point. I’m sure everyone has their bad days when
all efforts come to naught and they just want to rant insanely. Believe
me, if I’d known I was writing for an audience that thing woulda read
differently! LOL And I hope you know I like Andrew very much. Just as
he is. And know he’s perfectly capable of making his own decisions.
Just very hard to make delicious treats after suffering through two
weeks now of post New Years “buy this”, “use this”, “eat this and
nothing else and you’ll look just like this air-brushed supermodel!“
commercials… Also, my insomnia is in no way related to him. I came by
it honestly, through genetics.
JenniAnn of Willowveil
PS Corrina, ovens are NOT used to torch crème brule. A torch is. I can run an oven!
Note: My sincerest apologies and credit to Helen Fielding, creator of Bridget Jones, who inspired this piece. I stole the format for my part of this and know I’ve not done it near so well as she has. But that’s why she’s got millions of dollars and I don’t. I did it only cause I love the books and movies so much. And a certain someone else who I fancy even more than Mark Darcy… Just as he is.
The *real* Jenni
JABB TOC Newsletter 156