Welcome to the "oh my gosh, I can't believe it, we're still here 150 newsletters later" newsletter. In honor of this occasion, we're bringing back our old friend the Triple S. Seems we prematurely sounded its death knell back in Newsletter 122. But just cause TBAA isn't on the air any more doesn't mean we still can't have fun with the November Sweeps period!
For those who don't know, Sweeps happens three times a year and are when the networks haul out their "very best" programming to try and woo viewers and advertisers. Or something like that. So Sweeps months are usually the times when you have: very special weddings, long-awaited births, big name guest stars, secrets revealed, characters inexplicably sing, and "an emotional good bye to a friend." JABB has no sponsors but supposing we did... We think this is what some of our Sweeps-month newsletters may look like:
Some Really Stupid Sweeps Stunts
1. Secrets Revealed-
JenniAnn is once again bemoaning the
non-existent state of her relationship with Andrew when someone
exclaims "Give it up, he's immortal and you're not! It will never
work!" This prompts her to reveal she's an immortal fairy who has been
trailing Andrew since she ran into him at Julius Caesar's coronation.
2. Characters Sing- We do a "Tribute to Andrew Lloyd Webber" which has Tess belting out "Andrew Halo Superstar" while Andrew runs around in a Technicolor dreamcoat and Monica butchering a tearful rendition of "Don't Cry for Me Viewing Audience" from the Willowveil balcony.
3. Big Name Guest Stars- The following people contribute to a JABB newsletter: J. Lo, Janet Jackson, the cast of "Friends", and Latest Young, Hot Teen-age Singing Sensation Whose Name Will Probly Change by the Time You Get This.
4. Very Special Wedding- Adam gets himself ordained and begins marrying off his turkeys to each other.
5. Long-Awaited Birth- God gets all creative again and creates a protégé for Andrew. This obviously requires Andrew to spend a lot of time with the newbie prompting disgruntled, lonely JABB Members to write "Top Ten Reasons New Guy Annoys Us".
6. Emotional Good Bye- NO! NO GOOD BYE!!! NEVER NEVER NEVER. ANDREW CAN'T LEAVE. I WON'T! I WON'T SAY GOOD BYE AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! NOOOO!!!
<shudder> That last one about got me. Oh the shrieking… Tess, can angels get busted ear drums? She’s not answering. I think she’s still mad because I was messing around with her car again. This is Andrew, by the way. Seems I’ve been stuck with finishing the newsletter again. Last newsletter we sent was about… Halloween. And I don’t think I’m being overly proud when I say I think I handled that very well. Nonetheless, some of you seem to have taken that holiday and several others of your own making to heart. So I thought… why can’t I make up holidays? Here’s a few I came up with:
1. Colin Firth Appreciation Day- JenniAnn disappears into her room for a whole 24 hours with a stack of DVDs like “Pride and Prejudice”, “Bridget Jones”, and “Love Actually.” Why do I feel the need to celebrate the career of one of England’s most versatile and attractive stars (this is what JenniAnn tells me)? 24 hours of JenniAnn swooning over someone other than me… No crying. No fainting. No angsty glances. Just peace… 0:-)
2. Mechanic Amnesty
This is the day you forgive your dear
friend who may have jiggled something under your car’s hood when he
shouldn’t have despite the ribbing you gave him a few years ago when he
did the same thing… Also known as “today.” Tess? What’d ya say?
3. Supervisor Appreciation Day- Because we love our supervisors and they deserve a day dedicated to them. Who knows, I may still be wandering around in the woods behind the Garrett farm if not for Sam. So to Sam, Tess, and all the rest: we love you and appreciate the help you give us.
Well, that’s all I have for now. Not sure what dates they’d be celebrated on. But I think at least the third should. I think this is enough for this week. Remember, God loves you!