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"Sounds of Silence"

Hi all,

Before we get to the newsletter, I have a couple pieces of "business."

First, I plan on having a contest in the next issue. I'll be editing the prize list before then for greater variety of stuff. I'm not sure, yet, what type of contest it will be but I'm going to try something other than the usual episode title hunt. So... if you want to participate keep an eye out for the next issue about two weeks from now!

Second, after a hiatus of a couple years, I'm bringing back the JABB birthday card. If you'd like, on your birthday I will email you a virtual greeting card from JABB. If you'd like to be added to this list please email me. I will *not* send you the birthday card unless you request it, even if I have your birth date. So, please just email me your birth date (the year isn't necessary) and the name you'd like to be addressed by. Thanks! ~~ Jenni

Today's issue is about one of JABB's "official" holidays. That's right! May 13th is "The Commemoration of the Murder Trial that Wasn't." Some of you know what I'm talking about. Some of you probly think I've just gotten more insane. So I shall explain. Before Season 5 a bunch of magazines offered "spoilers" telling what would unfold on various TV series that year. One magazine quoted Martha Williamson as saying they were working on an episode in which Andrew was mistakenly arrested and put on trial for murder. It sounded thrilling and like a good opportunity for John to show off his acting skills. Season 5 came and went... no trial. Season 6... no trial... Seasons 7-9... No trial! We don't know if it was just a rumor and Martha never said anything about it. Or if the episode had been planned but just didn't work out. Either way, we still like the idea. So here is our tribute.

Stuff We'd Do if Andrew were Arrested

It's a calm evening in Dyeland. Suddenly sirens blare. Police break into Willowveil and break up yet another party that's being thrown there for no particular reason. In only minutes, Andrew's been read his rights, cuffed, and hauled off to jail on suspicion of murder. How will the Dyelanders and friends react???

~~ Lady JenniAnn would promptly burst into tears and start screaming. After regaining her composure she will pick the perfect outfit for a jail break. She will then bake a non-lethal dose of sedatives into some world-class brownies, lure the prison guards into eating them, and then break a reluctant and probly horrified Andrew out. Or at least try.

~~ Vincent would send Andrew some books to read and some inspirational notes. He'll then try and convince his overly emotional goddaughter to not drug prison guards. Or propose marriage to Andrew.

~~ Doc Hock, ever the non violent said he "would stage a peaceful sit-in protest in front of the jail. Music, a little pot and a lot of Jack Daniels. What is a good protest without liquor?"

~~ John would hang his head in shame, knowing that if his perfect alter ego has been arrested, his name has also been permanently scarred.

~~ Monica would visit Andrew and bring him coffee. And down a few mocha lattes while she's at it.

~~ Audrey would laugh hysterically. "It's about time JenniAnn got her trial!" she'd say aloud.

~~ Jess said she "would definitely hold a huge protest line and chain myself to a fence demanding that he be freed as he is absolutely perfect and wouldn't do anything wrong unless it was necessary for his job."

~~ Andrew would probably worry a little but be a heck of a lot more calm than almost everyone else. And pray. And look really cute doing that. Even in a terribly unflattering orange jumpsuit.

*Views expressed by Francis Thurman Hockenbury are not necessarily those of the management. Thank you.


Newsletter 138