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"For He's a Jolly Good Fellow"
Greetings from your heartbroken former co-presidents. Audrey and I have a confession to make. A couple nights ago we were playing online poker with a couple other girls, Abby and Frances. Well, we were doing pretty well and got a little competitive and... well, see we're graduating soon and need money to pay off student loans. So we didn't want to bet money. So we... we bet JABB. We were doing so well! But things went down hill and, well, we lost... Everything. This newsletter, the domain name, the Yahoogroup. The whole thing. Abby and Frances were nice enough to allow us to say good-bye. And they're letting us send the first issue of their new group, CABB. The Charles/Adam Bucket Brigade. But tomorrow I have to turn over the address book to them... Anyway, we're so sorry. We've enjoyed the years we've been with you and hope you enjoy CABB.
Audrey and Jenni
Former co-presidents of JABB
Hey. Welcome to the newly formed CABB. We're reasonable people (unlike your former co-presidents it seems) and are perfectly okay with unsubscribing anyone who doesn't want to be on CABB. But first we hope you'll read our reasons why we think you should stick with us. We put it into a top ten list format because we hear ya'll are used to that. So here goes...
Reasons You Should be Part of CABB
10. The Thora Birch Factor- In "Hocus Pocus," Charles Rocket plays her dad. The man feeds her, keeps her clothed, puts a roof over her house, and loves her. In "The Pact," John Dye just breaks her heart and causes her to become suicidal! Sheesh!
9. Charles Rocket has worked with Jim Carrey. Nuff said.
8. Doesn't Rocket Town sound a whole lot more cool than Dyeland?? Dyeland just sounds like ya'll are sitting around tie-dying T-shirts or some other weird hippie thing. Rocket Town makes it sound like we all have jet packs! Which brings us to...
7. You could all be Rocketeers!!
6. You can have loads of fun watching him act nutso in the opening sequence of "Murder at 1600"!
5. He was in a Kevin Costner movie before they turned bad! ("Dances with Wolves")
4. Who doesn't want to support a guy whose filmography includes something entitled "Tex, the Passive-Aggressive Gunslinger"!?!
3. We promise you we will not send you sappy stories or wax poetic about Charles' hair. Or make up weird dogs.
2. Adam came before Andrew! And you know what they say... "First is worst... Second is best. Third is the one with the..." Oh wait. Nevermind. That doesn't work. Henry most definitely was not the best and Andrew... Does he have...?? Umm... nevermind.
1. Because he said the F-word on "Saturday Night Live"!! Take that FCC!!
So with that in mind, we (Abby and Frances) hope you'll stick with CABB. And we look forward to sending you a newsletter from our own email accounts in a couple weeks! Now... we have to get all references to John Dye and Andrew off those crazy webpages... Oh and the new domain name for CABB will now be www.tedtheturkey.com. Thanks and welcome to CABB! So long JABB!
Well, that was, of course, an April Fool’s joke. J A few days later we sent the actual newsletter:
Hi everyone! Well, I'm sure most of you have figured it out by now, if you didn't know instantly, but we were just up to our annual April Fools joke with CABB. :-) While we enjoyed seeing Adam on TBAA and have been known to watch a few Charles Rocket movies, I just don't think we have it in us to start another group devoted to a guy who played an AOD. :-) So... here's your actual issue for this week. A bit short but writing CABB took some time so we hope you'll forgive us! :-) And just for future reference we don't plan on betting JABB in a poker match, online or otherwise.
Audrey and Jenni
Things We Wanted to Do for April Fools but
Were Too Afraid To
10. Really discontinue J.A.B.B. Sadly, we really won't be going on for ever so April Fool's Day is as good a day as any.
9. Shave Andrew so every JABB member could have a lock of hair.
8. Kidnap Andrew and put him in a petting zoo to attract future Androolers.
7. Firing Jenni and Audrey and letting Audrey's dog write the rest of the JABBs.
6. Changing JABB to PENGUIN just because Audrey loves Penguins so much and thinks everyone should admire them.
5. We thought about getting one of those bird things that pecks at water and letting it type out the rest of the JABBs. Don't be surprised if the next JABB is as follows: jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
4. Turning JABBers into an angry mob and letting them go after anyone who says anything bad about JABB. However, we later realized that this has already happened.
3. Try and be like South Park and kill off one of the characters every issue. This month, we start with Audrey.
2. Stop JABB completely with no forwarding address, never to be heard from again.
1. Continue J.A.B.B. as is. We understand that most people will be offended by this act, but we feel it is necessary for our sanity.