Here to Listen to "Song of Gladness"
everyone! This is an interesting newsletter. What makes it
interesting is the fact that... I lost the actual newsletter.
:-( I had to reinstall AOL and usually that doesn't mess with my
saved files but this time it apparently did. So... I no longer
have the newsletter you were supposed to have gotten. Hopefully
Audrey has a copy of it and I will be able to get that to you as soon
as she returns from her holiday. Until then... I had some
filler material lying around in case of an emergency. I hope you
enjoy it and hopefully you'll be seeing JABB 125 Part B in
your mailboxes soon.
Have a great weekend!
PS For the Christmas newsletter, we're designing a virtual pocketwatch to replace Andrew's old one. If you'd like to be involved in designing this, please email me. Thanks!
As you may or may not know, since early on JABB has had an official motto. This motto is "J.A.B.B.: Where loving Andrew is not a crime, but a healthy livelihood that all women thrive off of!" What you may not know is that this was not the first motto nor the last one we came up with. In fact, there were several others. So we now present...
Top Ten Rejected JABB Mottoes
10. JABB: Because we're too lazy to put in the periods.
9. Five years of obsessing about Death, like Existentialists. But with more drool.
8. JABB: The Stuff I Wrote Instead of My Term Paper
7. For when having a crush on a TV lawyer, doctor, or cop just isn't crazy or original enough for ya.
6. JABB: Because even the Angel of Death deserves a throng of obsessed fans.
5. Unlike Emily Dickinson, we would stop for Death. And then try to marry him...
4. JABB: The place to wax poetic about toolbelts, leather jackets, and the man who wears them.
3. Beige suits, pocketwatches, angels of death, and the people who love them. On the next JABB...
fans be not proud. We'll make fools of ourselves
on the World Wide Web over him.
shall have no dominion. Except in Dyeland, where he's president.
Special thanks to Emily Dickinson, John Donne, and Dylan Thomas cause we took some of their best poems and turned them into a top ten. :-) And thanks to Audrey for coming up with a motto that actually works!
The original 125 newsletter was later recovered by Audrey and emailed to everyone. So here it is now…
Okay, here's the newsletter you were supposed to get Wednesday
night. However, due to technical difficulties... you
didn't. :-) Thankfully Audrey had a copy and got it to me
this evening. Seems that after we gave Chiwawa his own issue,
Adam's turkeys heard about it and demanded equal airtime. And
just so they know, I did NOT purposefully lose this poem even though I
find them extremely ungrateful! Anyway... Here's the
'Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all across the heavens
The turkeys were counting: "That's six! And that's seven!
Look at those people: So fat and so prime!
Why I could eat them up! Just add some lime."
Tom gobbled around, pecking Andrew's fat belly
"Yummy!" Thought Ted, "Angel Filled Jelly!"
They pecked and they gobble as they mixed up the stuffing
"Tomorrow night's dinner will be so filling and fluffing!"
Adam came forth, so concerned and bewildered.
He came out of his home, a cabin once sheltered.
He screamed at the turkeys, "SHOO! That's right SHOO!
If I knew you would turn, I'd have let Tess eat you!"
The turkeys just gobbled, ignoring his strife
"We won't eat you because you saved our life.
But these others enjoy year after year
Feasts consisting of Turkey and root beer.
Revenge is upon us! Yes, I feel it is near."
Off in the distance, Andrew filled with fear.
Tom blurted out, "Who'll cut the beast?
Thanksgiving is here, we'll have such a feast!
Human thighs, breasts, legs and toes
We'll cook it up good and serve it with rolls."
"Tonight they shall fear," said Tom with resolve.
"Tomorrow about our rotisserie, they shall revolve."
And with that the turkeys packed up their knives
And the poor AODs fled with their lives.
Thanksgiving Day is soon at our feet
And Andrew and the others will feel the heat.
Adam is trying to call off the attack
But the Turkeys want their dignity back.
So this Thanksgiving what will you eat?
A yummy, fat turkey or AOD feet?
*No AODs were harmed in the writing of this newsletter. But I know a couple turkeys who should watch their backs if they even come near Andrew. Or Adam... Grr...