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"Auld Lang Syne"

Hi all and welcome to our first issue of the year 2003. Before we get into the issue, we'd like to ask for your help. Our next issue will be devoted to John's upcoming birthday. We'd like it to be a bunch of different memories from different members about their favorite Andrew moments on TBAA. We'd really appreciate hearing from you. Please send your favorite memory of Andrew to Jenni by the 20th of January. Please try and limit it to around 150 words.

Now... This year instead of telling you what our resolutions are for this year, we've decided to take a look back at last year's resolutions and see just how well we did...

Jenni: Okay, so here are my resolutions concerning JABB for the year 2002. I think I did pretty well. First, I resolved to try to write JABB in a way that did not depict my character, Princess JenniAnn, to be needy or inconsistent. I think I did that pretty well. Right, Aud?

Audrey: Right, cause making her stalk Andrew isn't at all needy. I'm pretty sure more self-assured people stalk angels whom they have sadly unrequited crushes on.

Jenni: Stop being sarcastic. Besides, she or I or umm.. whatever wasn't really stalking him. Next resolution! I resolved that I wouldn't be obnoxious about my various crushes when I know that others couldn't care less. And you gotta admit. There's been no one who came close to that stupid V arc.

Audrey: (humming the theme from "Lord of the Rings") Wasn't there some guy, Argon or something, you were carrying on about.

Jenni: Shush, Argon's an element. I am totally and completely devoted to Andrew.

Audrey: So why you crossing your fingers?

Jenni: I am not. Third resolution!

Audrey: Sure changed the subject awfully quickly.

Jenni: I don't hear you! Anyhow, I promised that in 2002 I would not get so obsessive about the JABB pages. Especially the Dyeland section. You gotta admit I did well with that one.

Audrey: Yeah until recently when you posted not once but three times in the course of a couple weeks asking for suggestions for the map.

Jenni: So I was bored! Let's see how well you did with yours?

Audrey: OK!! Time for *my* resolutions. I know I did better than Jenni did when it comes to keeping them.

Jenni: Sure you did.

Audrey: Yeah, we'll see. Here's the first one. I resolve to do more than sit around and say "JABB looks good. Go ahead and send it."

JenniAnn begins to roll on the floor laughing hysterically. After a few minutes, she rises herself from the floor, wipes the tears from her eyes and says "Now that's a good one!"

Audrey: But I did help out.

Jenni: Ummm. Look over the newsletters. I wrote most of them. I even say so!!

Audrey: On to number two. I resolve to stop assuming that only one person actually reads JABB.

Jenni: Let me read from our 103rd newsletter. "On occasion we have some slightly annoyed people email us and demand to be taken off this newsletter. We'd like to clarify that we only have one reader and she was indeed WILLINGLY added to this mass mailing list and it shall remind that way! Thank you. "

Audrey: See, I stopped ASSUMING! On to my last. I resolve to stop pestering Jenni about how silly her "imaginary world" is. Umm. Let's just skip that one, shall we?

Jenni: Good idea.

Now for some resolutions that shouldn't be kept...

BAD New Year's Resolutions by JABB Authors

~Newly inspired by the "Lord of the Rings" movies, JABB authors vow to be more like Tolkien. For starters, everything and everyone will have no fewer than 5 different names. Andrew will now be referred to as El-Light son of Shiloh, the Halo of Asteri, the Deva of the Welkin, the Third of the Triumvirate, and Bob.

~They try to improve the overall quality of the newsletters by using correct grammar and varied word choice. They rely heavily on the Microsoft Word Thesaurus. This compendium will then have an aggrandized estimation of consummate caliber.

~They decide to fess up to the fact that much of their material comes from watching "The Conan O'Brien" show. Now, with the secret revealed, they feel it's safe to feature items like "If Andrew Mated" and "In the Year 2000 Andrew will..."

~The JABB authors resolve to parallel more closely what happens on TBAA each week. As a result, every second JABB issue will only contain scores and highlights from various basketball and football games in honor of those weeks on which TBAA was pre-empted for sports.

~The JABB authors resolve to seek more diversity amongst the writing staff here at JABB. For starters, every third issue will be written by their brothers. Naturally, those issues will contain no mention of Andrew or John except the occasional cruel remark.



Newsletter 106