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"Auld Lang Syne"
Hi all and welcome to our first issue
of the year 2003. Before we get into the issue, we'd like to ask for
your help. Our next issue will be devoted to John's upcoming birthday.
We'd like it to be a bunch of different memories from different members
about their favorite Andrew moments on TBAA. We'd really appreciate
hearing from you. Please send your favorite memory of Andrew to Jenni by the
20th of
January. Please try and limit it
to around 150 words.
Now... This year instead of telling you
what our resolutions are for
this year, we've decided to take a look back at last year's resolutions
and see just how well we did...
Jenni: Okay, so
here are my resolutions concerning JABB for the year 2002. I think I
did pretty well. First, I resolved to try to write JABB in a way that
did not depict my character, Princess JenniAnn, to be needy or
inconsistent. I think I did that pretty well. Right, Aud?
Audrey: Right,
cause making her stalk Andrew isn't at all needy. I'm pretty sure more
self-assured people stalk angels whom they have sadly unrequited
crushes on.
Jenni: Stop being
sarcastic. Besides, she or I or umm.. whatever wasn't really stalking
him. Next resolution! I resolved that I wouldn't be obnoxious about my
various crushes when I know that others couldn't care less. And you
gotta admit. There's been no one who came close to that stupid V arc.
Audrey: (humming
the theme from "Lord of the Rings") Wasn't there some guy, Argon or
something, you were carrying on about.
Jenni: Shush,
Argon's an element. I am totally and completely devoted to Andrew.
Audrey: So why you
crossing your fingers?
Jenni: I am not.
Third resolution!
Audrey: Sure
changed the subject awfully quickly.
Jenni: I don't hear
you! Anyhow, I promised that in 2002 I would not get so obsessive about
the JABB pages. Especially the Dyeland section. You gotta admit I did
well with that one.
Audrey: Yeah until
recently when you posted not once but three times in the course of a
couple weeks asking for suggestions for the map.
Jenni: So I was
bored! Let's see how well you did with yours?
Audrey: OK!! Time
for *my* resolutions. I know I did better than Jenni did when it comes
to keeping them.
Jenni: Sure you did.
Audrey: Yeah, we'll
see. Here's the first one. I resolve to do more than sit around and say
"JABB looks good. Go ahead and send it."
JenniAnn begins to roll on the
floor laughing hysterically. After a few
minutes, she rises herself from the floor, wipes the tears from her
eyes and says "Now
that's a good one!"
Audrey: But I did
help out.
Jenni: Ummm. Look
over the newsletters. I wrote most of them. I even say so!!
Audrey: On to
number two. I resolve to stop assuming that only one person actually
reads JABB.
Jenni: Let me read
from our 103rd newsletter. "On occasion we have some slightly annoyed
people email us and demand to be taken off this newsletter. We'd like
to clarify that we only have one reader and she was indeed WILLINGLY
added to this mass mailing list and it shall remind that way! Thank
you. "
Audrey: See, I
stopped ASSUMING! On to my last. I resolve to stop pestering Jenni
about how silly her "imaginary world" is. Umm. Let's just skip that
one, shall we?
Jenni: Good idea.
Now for some resolutions that shouldn't be kept...
BAD New Year's Resolutions by JABB Authors
~Newly inspired by the "Lord of the Rings"
movies, JABB authors vow to be more like Tolkien. For starters,
everything and everyone will have no fewer than 5 different names.
Andrew will now be referred to as El-Light son of Shiloh, the Halo of
Asteri, the Deva of the Welkin, the Third of the Triumvirate, and Bob.
~They try
to improve the overall quality of the
newsletters by using correct grammar and varied word choice. They rely
heavily on the Microsoft Word Thesaurus. This compendium will then have
an aggrandized estimation of consummate caliber.
~They
decide to fess up to the fact that much of
their material comes from watching "The Conan O'Brien" show. Now, with
the secret revealed, they feel it's safe to feature items like "If
Andrew Mated" and "In the Year 2000 Andrew will..."
~The JABB
authors resolve to parallel more
closely what happens on TBAA each week. As a result, every second JABB
issue will only contain scores and highlights from various basketball
and football games in honor of those weeks on which TBAA was pre-empted
for sports.
~The JABB authors resolve to seek more diversity
amongst the writing staff here at JABB. For starters, every third issue
will be written by their brothers. Naturally, those issues will contain
no mention of Andrew or John except the occasional cruel remark.
JABB TOC
Newsletter 106