10. In order to get better ratings, one of the main characters is given a radical personality change. For example, viewers become shocked when Gloria's F-word laden revelation scenes make her sound like the long-lost daughter of Ozzy Osbourne.
9. In an attempt to grab new viewers, TBAA has regular appearances by the "Trading Spaces" cast. The angels must fight for a woman's soul when her faith is shattered after seeing one of Hildy's rooms. Frank appears as God and Doug as Satan. Edward will just glue cording to the ceilings of all the sets.
Andrew: What's that light?
Andrew: (hopping and turning to face where he once stood) It's the light of God. I'm here to escort you to Heaven.
Andrew: (hopping back) Wow, I never thought it would be this beautiful.
Andrew: (hopping back again) I'm sorry... this is really lame. I don't even get Henry?!
7. It becomes horrifyingly apparent that the writers have been watching way too much "Star Wars" when Andrew falls passionately in love with a senator, chops off his hand, and begins stalking a confused Ewan McGregor. (All the while muttering "I'll kill you when you're old! And when I'm mostly a machine! And voiced by the Angel of Angels who, interestingly enough, is also the "This is CNN" guy! Muhaha").
6. The writers decide to go along with the Reality TV craze and hand the cast scripts in which each of their characters die horrible, painful deaths. After getting the appropriate stunned, horrified, and tear-filled reactions from the cast, the writers announce that it's all fake. That's just plain wrong.
5. To attract the Sci-fi fans, an obviously confused and annoyed John Dye is forced to deliver all his lines in Klingon.
4. An asteroid hits Earth and wipes out Mankind as we know it. In order to preserve the fate of Earth, Andrew and Monica have a human baby to carry on.
3. In order to boost ratings, the remainder of the season is done in the nude.
2. In hopes of luring a younger audience, the writers decide to take on a Soap Opera theme. In one dramatic scene, Andrew slaps Tess and then seeks a new "boss."
1. A special 5 part episode of the birth of Monica and Andrew's baby.
Okay, so I think it's pretty safe to say that the TBAA writers would *never* do anything mentioned above. Now let's consider some things Androolers might do. The following are tips from our resident advice columnist, Annie Dru, on how to increase your fondness for A/J as the 9th season progresses.
~ Rewatch old episodes from the 2nd and 3rd seasons. Cry with Andrew in "The Journalist," dance with him in "Rock n Roll Dad." Try to remember what it was about him that made you first like him.
~ Rewatch episodes like "Venice." Remember how little we used to see Andrew. Enjoy a renewed sense of thankfulness that he now does more than walk dogs.
~ Continue to watch other favorite shows. Instead of admiring how wonderful the male lead is, think of how much better it would be if John were in it. If that doesn't work don't mention your new crush to *anyone*. You don't wanna get impeached!
~ Host a party. After you've tricked... err... invited your guests bombard... err... introduce them to TBAA and play them your favorite episodes. Barricade the door until they acknowledge that "The Violin Lesson" was an exquisite example of TV.
~ Buy everyone TBAA episodes for Christmas. Rig the security alarm for the store from which you purchased the videos so that if the ingrate tries to return the video, they will be immediately tackled by security guards.
HEY! I heard that!